Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To ask if you would report family to ss

119 replies

Littlebearstrousers · 26/10/2019 02:31

So if you heard that your 8yo dn was slapped in the face by stepdad and called a "mong" (sorry hate that word but thats what was used) by stepdad. Would you still report to ss even though it was your dsis partner? Its keeping me up, only heard today

OP posts:

NoSauce · 26/10/2019 05:58

What’s the situation with your sister and him? How long have they been together?

I would speak to her first personally, find out her stance on it, see if she’s going to leave him. If she isn’t then I would then speak to SS.

FuriousVexation · 26/10/2019 05:59

I actually read Greatnorthwoods post as really sinister as I thought it was suggesting taking DN to the woods and doing him/her in 🤦‍♀️

OP this sounds really awful. I don't think I'd go straight to SS though before having a serious conversation with the mum. I know you've said she's minimising right now but not sure how in depth your convos have been?

The danger is that if you report to SS and they follow up, her cunt of a partner will assuredly attempt to isolate her (and the DC) from you, which denies you any chance to help further.

Do you usually have a close relationship with your DSis? Have you noticed this changing since she met this twat?

GrumpyHoonMain · 26/10/2019 05:59

When similar happened in my family I took my dn and threatened to report ds to social services if she didn’t sort herself out.

Bluerussian · 26/10/2019 06:06

I've been thinking about this since my last post when I was 100% behind you reporting to SS. I still think that will happen but reading the posts of others and ruminating, I do believe you should tackle this with your sister first.

Your sister will need your support and will trust you if you are upfront with her.

If that doesn't work ...... you know what to do .......... but at least you will have tried.

I am so sorry you have this worry, I can imagine how painful it is to you.

PhilCornwall1 · 26/10/2019 06:07

What @Greatnorthwoods said. It's a life lesson that would not be forgotten. A good "education" always sets you up well for the future.

avocadoincident · 26/10/2019 06:15

I've been thinking about this. Your niece is vulnerable. She is very young. If her mum doesn't back her up now the message this sends to your niece and her bastard boyfriend is clear.

If you don't look after your nieces needs then who will in this situation?

What if it continues and they don't tell you about it?

What if sister and boyfriend say to you that everything is resolved and it'll never happen again...will you believe them?

How likely is it that your niece will go to school and disclose this to a teacher?

You need to act and I think you know this.

Wildboar · 26/10/2019 06:19

If this is the only event then I wouldn’t report but instead have a word with your sister. If so Ss become involved they are not going to do much bar speak to your sister. I think by reporting you’ll drive your sister away so will be unable to keep a close eye on things.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 26/10/2019 06:20

I wouldn't immediately. I'd check my sister was ok first, its possible she's a victim of domestic violence if he's violent to her child.

Hydrogenbeatsoxygen · 26/10/2019 06:42

Yes contact Safeguarding. It’s the right thing to do.

TheSecretJeven · 26/10/2019 06:49

It needs to be reported. Imagine being that child. Wouldn't you want the adults in your life to protect you?

avocadoincident · 26/10/2019 06:53

I cannot believe the batch of people saying 'no I wouldn't report it'.

Every person has a responsibility for safeguarding...whether you are a teacher, nurse, neighbour, shop assistant, just a human on planet Earth. Report it and let the professionals decide whether to act or not.

NoSauce · 26/10/2019 06:56

Has anyone said they wouldn’t report it? It did they say they would speak to the sister first?

TheCanterburyWhales · 26/10/2019 07:00

I am safeguarding lead at school. And am frequently on these threads saying "it's not a safeguarding issue blabla"
This one absolutely is. If you don't feel you can go straight to SS then contact the school.
The central and non negotiable tenet we all receive in safeguarding training, from the county head of SS down to the NQT or cleaner is:
Is the child safe now?

The child you are talking about is not. It's as simple as that. Your sister probably is. The child's safety takes priority over an adult's.

Halo1234 · 26/10/2019 07:01

My worry would be there is more going on that u dont know about. Its unlikely that the one time he was violent and nasty is the one time u found out. I would be having a word with my sister and if she didnt leave this man and continued to allow her children to be around him unsupervised I would report. Reassure your dn they have a safe place with u. That that is not ok and u will do what it takes to protect them. Good luck.

MeridianB · 26/10/2019 07:03

Definitely report. You are in a position to protect her as your sister is choosing not to.

One hit is one too much and it could escalate, especially if he sees your sister is fine with it and there are no repercussions.

As others have said, it also sends a message to your DN that its OK for people to hit (esp a child).

Does he live with them?

avocadoincident · 26/10/2019 07:08

@NoSauce I see what you mean but the OP has said the sister is minimising it so I assumed the OP has spoken to her (and not got the response we would all hope for)

Liverbird77 · 26/10/2019 07:10

Yes. Please do it.
I was physically assaulted many times by my father. Slapped, kicked, punched, hair pulled out. This abuse, because that was what it was, was minimised. He was never held to account for it. Even now, my mum says I should "get past it". I can't.
Please be an advocate for this little girl. This abuse might escalate.

Sohololopopo · 26/10/2019 07:10

I reported my own sister. It’s a disgrace the mother is allowing this. He needs locking up the animal!

avocadoincident · 26/10/2019 07:12

Also to those saying to speak the sister first...

If a child disclosed anything in school that needs to be referred on to children's services the school would not contact the adults involved first, as it gives them time to cover their tracks, get their stories straight, flee etc.

TheCanterburyWhales · 26/10/2019 07:15

Liverbird

aggitatedstate · 26/10/2019 07:16

@Greatnorthwoods like it!!

Liverbird77 · 26/10/2019 07:25

Thank you so much @TheCanterburyWhales
I feel really strongly about this. I bet that little girl wants an adult to take charge of this situation and ensure that absolute bastard is removed.
The sister should have left him already. My husband knows that if he ever, ever laid a hand on our son, that would be the end (not that I think for a minute he would).
Kids can be challenging, irritating, rude, exhausting, unreasonable, loud etc etc. There is never an excuse for violence.

frostedviolets · 26/10/2019 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Insomniac79 · 26/10/2019 07:31

Just to clarify - Im pretty sure @Greatnorthwoods means that some men in her family would take the step dad and beat him up.

Liverbird77 · 26/10/2019 07:45

@frostedviolets if that's the case then it will come to light pretty quickly and all will be well. Social Services is not made up of child-stealing boogeymen.
My husband "wrestles" with our ten month old baby. They adore each other and our little boy is never, ever hurt because my husband is gentle with him. If someone reported us, it wouldn't take long to establish that nothing is wrong.
I would rather Social Services investigated and then dismissed a case than a single hurt and vulnerable child fall through the cracks.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5