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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lunch with a man

104 replies

Flappyjack · 25/10/2019 17:01

I'm a bit weirded out today and wondering if I am over thinking but here goes....

I am a mature student and I have been flirting with another student over the last few weeks. Nothing major, just the twinkly eyed variety. We are both married and I just thought of it as harmless fun.

Today I asked him if there was anywhere close to buy a sandwich because the canteen is a bit grim. He replied if we had longer he would take me to a nice place, but we don't. So that was the end of that. I said to him 'I'll just nip out to train station and grab a sandwich. '

Next thing the lecturer told us we had 45 minutes. There was a bit of an awkward moment but he suggested we go for lunch. Ok, so it feels a bit odd just the two of us, but off we go.

The food was amazing btw! Anyway, he spend some of the time talking about his wife and family etc and I did the same too. To be honest he sounds like he has a lovely, charmed life and we really do live in different worlds. He even paid the bill (using company expenses apparently. )

We go back into class in the afternoon and things now feel really awkward 😥 I don't know how to explain it. I suppose we went from flirting to awkward, chummy pals.

I feel really embarrassed now, like I was coming onto him and he brushed me off, but it was just bit of flirting from both sides.

I'm overthinking this, aren't I? Maybe he just bruised my self esteem a little bit by plonking me firmly in the friends zone.

What do you think?

OP posts:

ShitOnIt78 · 25/10/2019 17:03

I think you are reading far too much into a 45 minute lunch

ghostyslovesheets · 25/10/2019 17:05

you aren't acting like a very mature student at all - knock off all the 'twinkly flirting' ffs and try studying

gwackywacky · 25/10/2019 17:05

Can you try and explain the awkwardness? I mean why was it awkward exactly? Could you be imagining that?

If you weren't imagining it, could it be that you were less flirty outside the classroom, so basically you're flirting, you go to lunch, where you go less flirty, hes a bit confused by that, so hes smarting a bit? I mean he was the one who invited you to lunch..

Batshittery · 25/10/2019 17:09

It seems you read more into it than he did. What did you expect considering you're both married?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 25/10/2019 17:11

You were all twinkly when there was a safe distance between you. Going to lunch closed the distance and you both had to twinkle less and be your real not available selves.

Don't over think it. Just carry on being friendly (albeit less twinkly) and that'll soon become your new norm.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/10/2019 17:15

Maybe he just bruised my self esteem a little bit by plonking me firmly in the friends zone.

The "friend zone" is exactly where you should be. You are MARRIED and so is he. What are you playing at?

ElizabethMountbatten · 25/10/2019 17:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Beautiful3 · 25/10/2019 17:34

That's the right thing to do...be in the friends zone as you're both married??!! You need to take a step back and give yourself a good shake.

Ringdonna · 25/10/2019 17:38

Ah, reminds me of the old OU Summer schools. The amount of shagging that went on.

Loopytiles · 25/10/2019 17:38

Why the need to flirt?

AdaColeman · 25/10/2019 17:39

Stay cool but friendly. He was telling you about his wife for a reason, the subtext is that he doesn't want to get involved.
Concentrate on getting the best degree that you can, and making plenty of useful contacts for the future.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 25/10/2019 17:41

Are you happy in your marriage?

Because if you are I don't know why you'd be giving this a second thought. You should be in the friend zone!

raspberryk · 25/10/2019 17:42

I think you've been over thinking massively. I'm a student and I've had lunch with men on the course - on site restaurant/ bar etc. We just treat each other like friendly colleagues because that's what we are essentially.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 25/10/2019 17:44

Well of course your in the friends zone, his married. If you remember you have a DH too, you do remember him right??

Sorry he didn’t stoke your ego, shame your one of the, pathetic women that need a mans attention

Happityhap · 25/10/2019 17:44

Probably he invited you as part of the flirting then realised "Oops, i could get into problems here" and backed off a bit.
You should be glad he did.

Katrinawaves · 25/10/2019 17:46

How would you feel about your husband picking some woman up who’d been flirting with him at work and manoevred him into lunch? If you’d be cool with that (and you think your husband and the other student’s wife) would all also be fine with you having sex with him, then you aren’t being unreasonable.

I think you are however

Butchyrestingface · 25/10/2019 17:47

I feel really embarrassed now, like I was coming onto him and he brushed me off, but it was just bit of flirting from both sides.

Do you feel he went from wanting to give you one to not fancying you at all over the course of 45 minutes?

Original poster

Flappyjack · 25/10/2019 20:13

I have to be honest here, I am surprised by some of your reactions. It's a bit of harmless flirting, an ego boost for both of us. I think it got weird because we ended up in a date like situation neither of us wanted to be in.

Flirting is not the same as sleeping with someone. I really don't see the problem with it and I don't think my husband does either.

I have no intention of cheating. We haven't kissed, touched or anything else. It's just flirting! And btw flirting and concentrating on my studies are not mutually exclusive!

I think one of the posters hit the nail on the head saying we were flirting in a safe space and that changed and we both backed off.

I'm going to follow some of the better advice on here, forget about it, continue being friendly and carry on as normal.

It briefly got weird and I hope the man in question hasn't given it as much thought as I have.

OP posts:

Naranja · 25/10/2019 20:19

This is a slightly concerning post really, considering you are both married. Why are you acting like ‘flirting’ is something everyone does with other people when they are married?

Whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 25/10/2019 20:22

Well you've obviously reconciled your (out of order) behaviour with yourself so why are you here?

Original poster

Flappyjack · 25/10/2019 20:30

It was just flirting people!

The lunch was weird but it definitely won't happen again. And it was just lunch and no flirting!

OP posts:

Original poster

Flappyjack · 25/10/2019 20:31

Does no one flirt anymore? Like, ever?

OP posts:

PicsInRed · 25/10/2019 20:33

we were flirting in a safe space and that changed and we both backed off.

HE backed off, you're the one complaining that he backed off, remember?

Look up "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.
What YOU were attempting was an emotional affair. Turn back to your marriage or leave your husband and allow your husband the opportunity to find real love, elsewhere.

Butchyrestingface · 25/10/2019 20:34

Does no one flirt anymore? Like, ever?

Sure. But I don't have a ball and chain waiting at home.

Can you please answer the question, OP - did you go into that lunch situation thinking this bloke had the hots for you and leave 45 minutes later thinking he didn't?

JavaQ · 25/10/2019 20:34

Yes...how IS that marriage of yours?

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