Would you pay that much?

[Shallistayorshalligo]

Recently we had to split our accounts with DH. The reason was that he was rubbish with our money and it did not matter how hard we worked and how much we made, all would be spend.

It became so frustrating, so in the end we mutually agreed to split the accounts and go 50/50 on our household bills. I do work from home, I don’t need to drive to work. So we have ended having just one family car, which he drive to work. He does quite a bit of miles, so he said that the car value does depreciate a lot. For this reason he lease the car.

As a family we need our car only on weekend. Mainly to do shopping. Once a month, perhaps, to do a family visit 2 hours drive away. We go out more in summer to the places like English heritage, etc.

Now we have split our accounts and besides Me paying half of the bills, he wants me to pay half of the lease and half of the car service Half of lease and service is £170 a month, plus I pay another £40 towards some of the petrol. So the family car cost me £210 a month.

I also want to say I can afford paying this, I just don’t feel it is fair.. what do you think?

I think everything should be equal , and you are being petty. It’s still a family car when it’s being used by your dh to earn family money.

I think it's fair you pay for half the car itself, stop paying for petrol though if you don't use it!

I wouldn’t split the car 50/50 but maybe pay the mot, tax and insurance - it’s how we do it as I rarely use the car but do use it occasionally and also benefit from having the car.
Could you do something like this?

^^ we mainly do this as I earn less though as I reduced my hours at work to look after DD

I pay half mot, half tax, my insurance too

Well, you should pay half. You agreed to split bills 50/50 and this is a household bill.

Cars are really expensive. I think you should be paying half (and being a bit petty arguing about it).

I am not arguing. This is how I feel . But I also know that my judgement can be cloudy after years of my money were misspend, after finding debs I did not know of and after paying them. That’s why I am asking here.
I have already agreed to pay my half and I shall be paying

I think the car is a family expense. So should (under your agreement) be split 50/50.

He could argue that you work from home so have more use of the house than he does. So you should pay more of the mortgage, elec etc. But of course that would be unreasonable.

Effectively it's his car that you have use of at the weekend.

I don't think you should pay half for the car. Did you get a say in what car it was? Will he expect you to pay half for any damage or excess mileage when it is returned?

You shouldn't pay towards any petrol you aren't using.

I would say... 75/25, you pay half for maintenance and repairs (unless he caused it) and half of petrol for shared journeys.

Gazelda, this is a very good point, actually

I just couldn't be arsed to live like this, sorry. Husband, wife, one pot.

‘We had to split money with our ex’. ‘He was rubbish with our money’. Who is us??

You must use more electricity and gas if you work from home though?

It's a household bill and should be split.

That is an expensive car though!

Cabezona, the car was taken for lease with my consent. It was a while ago, before the split. This is the main reason I have agreed to 50/50. It is a very nice a car, but I think next time he get to a new lease I shall argue he can go cheaper.
What I also was thinking. I could get a nice car now from my family. They have offered and they want nothing for it. To run it would cost me less then a grand a year. But I just don’t really need it. It will be sitting by my house with no use.
So I have agreed to pay more then two grand a year for the car I use very little

Ha ha, I used to think like this when I was much younger. Exactly like this. I am from a very traditional back ground: wife, husband, one pot.
But sometimes you simply don’t have choice and you review these statements

OP, it’s small fry, if you are otherwise in agreement I’d go along with it, pay half for the car and he buys petrol.

What would worry me more would be how to prevent him from running up more debt? Though I guess at least this allows you to build up some savings to give you more options going forward.

I kind of disagree here.

While I do agree the car is a family expense, I think he's realised that he's got less 'fun' money now that he's not got access to OP's money.

Could you work something out where you pay a proportional amount of your wages to the bills and you both would have the same amount of spending money left?

The whole thing is nonsense. Why not just buy a cheaper car outright? Mine cost me £5k two years ago, and assuming it lasts at least another month, will therefore cost me £200/month (at least half that in the end, I hope). I do a 60+ mile commute full time. There is no need for expensive cars at all.

It changes my opinion slightly if he first got the car before the agreement rather than my assumption which was that he had chosen and taken delivery of the car and then expected you to pay half.

It is a tricky one but I think this is a luxury item that you don't use as much. It's not technically a bill, it's a choice.

I do agree there should be a shared pot but I have my own pot and I will spend it how I like. I also have a leased car (cheaper than your half but also a premium manufacturer) and whilst I did ask for his opinion before I signed, it wouldn't have made a difference because it is my money that I earn and spend how I wish. As long as there is enough in the shared pot...

I think you should contribute towards his petrol...you're benefiting from it. My DH and I each have our own bank account and a joint savings account. I can't drive and he uses his car to get to work...but at weekends and evenings, I certainly benefit from it. I often pay to fill the tank. He's sometimes low on funds...so I help him.

But I think leasing a car if your'e struggling for money is stupid. We have an old car...a shit car. Your husband wants a nice car and talks about depreciating value just so he can justify the expense of leasing.

No way would I pay half.

Not for the lease I agree but helping towards petrol would be reasonable.

This is my worry tbh.. I don’t know the answer. I do love him very much, he is a great father and wonderful husband. He is just not good with money at all. He was always in charge of our finances. I blindly trusted him with it. I always worked hard, ands so he did and I always hoped he did know what he was doing. Until I have found massive debts he did hide from me.

This was a massive blow. But I pulled myself together and we did manage and we did sort that situation out. I thought that was like a bad dream, a mistake which will never happen again.

I was such a full. It was not a mistake. It was his life style and his attitude to money. As if we don’t work hard for them. As if we have got a money printing machine in the garden. He did it again. And again I have found it, and again we had to pull all our resources to get through.

Working for nothing is very painful. Paying debts you did not make is so very painful.
I could not imagine living with a man and not sharing my accounts with him. But I came to a realization that in our situation the best way is to split accounts. At least I will be able to save up and to have a cushion I always longed to have.

And the children.. I do think about them, that I want to be able to help them with when they go to uni, etc. I am finally on my way to that

The lease of car is justified because of his milage. He does drive more, much more then 60 miles. Another thing is that he could have gone for a much cheaper car, but he did not want to. He has got an expensive taste, lol
We are not struggling financially at the moment. We both are comfortable. But I have learned how quickly these things can change. And I really want to have something I shall be able to fall on to if I need it