Would you pay that much?

[Shallistayorshalligo]

Recently we had to split our accounts with DH. The reason was that he was rubbish with our money and it did not matter how hard we worked and how much we made, all would be spend.

It became so frustrating, so in the end we mutually agreed to split the accounts and go 50/50 on our household bills. I do work from home, I don’t need to drive to work. So we have ended having just one family car, which he drive to work. He does quite a bit of miles, so he said that the car value does depreciate a lot. For this reason he lease the car.

As a family we need our car only on weekend. Mainly to do shopping. Once a month, perhaps, to do a family visit 2 hours drive away. We go out more in summer to the places like English heritage, etc.

Now we have split our accounts and besides Me paying half of the bills, he wants me to pay half of the lease and half of the car service Half of lease and service is £170 a month, plus I pay another £40 towards some of the petrol. So the family car cost me £210 a month.

I also want to say I can afford paying this, I just don’t feel it is fair.. what do you think?

I'm not great with money but possibly a little better than your DH. Perhaps what he needs is an allowance type situation so he can only spend x amount per week?

Do you pay a higher proportion of the heating and power for the house?

I don't think you should pay half the car. I use the car for work, my husband has a scooter. We bought the car 50/50 but I pay insurance etc - and petrol, unless we're going on holiday, in which case we split it. He bought the scooter himself and pays all the running costs. Everything else we pay 50/50 from a joint account. We also have a joint savings account but it's mostly moths in there

Can he trade the car in soon for a cheaper lease car, at least? Or ditch that car altogether and take your family up on the one they have offered?

I don’t think it is an option, as lease is for a certain period of time. Also we don’t discuss it at all, as he is not considering driving cheaper car. He is very happy with this one and I guess this is his favorite toy he would not part with, lol. We can afford it. But I feel this is his taste and ultimately is his choice, I don’t pay that much attention to cars and what car I drive did never really matter to me. As long as it is reliable. So all in all I don’t mind paying for the car which takes him to work and we can use it on weekends, I just question how expensive the car is and is it fair for me to pay for that particular car of his choice.
I know I pay it and I shall carry on until the end of this lease. But I wonder how do I go about it when the time come up and he has to get another car. I don’t want to pay for an expensive car lease!

You say he drives much more than 60 miles so needs an expensive car...that's absolute crap. We live in Australia...everything is MILES apart. We can do 60 on a saturday just visiting mates and going to the shop...and more! My DH drives WAY more than 60 per week for work and he's got a cheap second hand car! A well chosen one but certainly not a posh lease!

Take the car from your family, assume the expenses relating to that car, and say that each pays for own car.

I personally wouldn't be happy jointly spending £400 or so a month on a car, that's a lot of money. In 1 year that's over £4K which would get you a good family car outright. Our family car cost around 2,5k and is perfectly fine.

I would agree to pay half if you can change it to a cheaper car which isn't on an expensive lease. Or if it's only his choice to have the new car then he has to pay for it!

I see the car as a family expense that should be split 50/50.

You both sound very petty, what happened to teamwork, and supporting each other? This is pretty sad tbh.

My concern here would be the cost on handing back the lease. Do you know how much the extra mileage may be? My commute took me to 30-35k miles per year. Trying to find a high mileage lease car is almost impossible. Once you go over your quota of miles you have to pay the lease company x pence per mile. Even though I could afford the monthly repayments on a lease, what would have screwed me was my the high mileage repayment after the three years. I can't remember the exact figures but I ended up staying with my very reliable 8 year old car which yes costs me money in keeping it on the road and maintenance but it is necessary to ensure its reliability.

I'm also going to split from the crowd here. I don't think you should pay half. Contribute towards your use yes but half no way! I am not married so I don't understand this one pot business as it would leave me vulnerable. But my DP has 3 vehicles. I have my one. Mine is the "family" car, his are commercial vehicles and fun vehicles. I drive some of them occasionally and he drives mine occasionally. I don't pay towards them at all nor does he pay towards mine unless, as a family, we go away for a trip in my car and then the deal is he fuels it which in my mind is fair. As I said, pay for the use.

I also think the extra use of the house is a bit much. The house is for the equal benefit of you both (now and in the future!) and exists whether or not you're working from home in it. If the bills dramatically increased each month to accommodate you working from home that would be a different matter, but I doubt they do. Again if you paid more towards the house mortgage then by right you should have higher equity in the house. It doesn't work for the car because the car is a) leased and b) a depreciating asset. SAHP and people on long term sick/mat(pat) leave aren't told to use their limited income to pay more towards the house because they're there more.

That’s a lot of money for a lease car. I would discuss the possibility of ending the lease and taking the car from your family. I get he wants a toy. But for that he could rent a car for fun every so often for example when you visit family. That said, I wouldn’t want to be without my car. So I’d take the car for yourself. Don’t you have kids? Do they not want to go to after school activities? Then if you had your own car, you would not have to pay for his 😉.... or certainly not once the lease had expired. Win win for me.

As the person who had the car, where 95% of the mileage was due to my commuting, my feeling was my car should be treated as an expense of working.

To a first approximation, a car used almost entirely for commuting is not a family expense, it's an expense of working. The latter expression means that in a scenario where a couple were dividing costs pro-rata, it shouldn't be regarded as a personal expense either, the costs should actually be taken off the commuters salary to get a net salary figure that's used for the pro-rata calculation. It doesn't matter if the car is more expensive than necessary, the choice to commute expensively is like a choice to work fewer hours or in a lower-paid less stressful job. The money surrendered by all these choices is treated as a reduction in net income, not spending out of it.

If he insists on a contribution for family use, you can use HMRC mileage rates to reimburse him half the cost.

The people talking about extra use of the house are being ridiculous. I now work from home. It has made zero noticeable difference to bills compared to when I used to commute. (In particular I have gas central heating, my annual consumption is if anything down since I started working from home. The effect of warmer winters has apparently outweighed having the heating on for an extra 10 hours a day.)

I have a personal company, and HMRC actually allows me to claim about £200 a year from the company as tax-free expenses for the cost of running a home office. That is nothing, but I suspect the actual cost is a lot less than that.

No, I wouldn’t. It’s too expensive.
I would hire a car by the hour on the occasions you need to use it, it’s £5/h. Problem solved.

To the poster who suggests the mortgage should be split to reflect the OP’s usage of the house since she works from home: that’s nonsense. A house is a necessity, a flashy car is not.

OP, I think you’re doing the right thing refusing. Keep the accounts separate. He sounds clueless with money.

You could see if there is a car club in your area - that would provide for your need for a car perfectly.

If you have had to pay off his debts in the past, that needs to be taken into account. Your husband should be paying you back, either directly or by paying a higher proportion of household bills. The car could certainly be a good place to start. Additionally, if he wants an unnecessarily expensive toy, again he should pay the difference between the actual cost and what it would cost to lease a cheaper car, at the very least.

I think he’s taking the piss. He’s getting you to pay half of his car, that he chose and he wants and he committed financially to. Had it been a joint decision then a less nice car, bought outright would have been fairer.

Personally I would take the freebie car from your relative And pay nothing towards his car. He hasn’t learnt anything has he?

Well as you're working from home you will use the utilities more than if you were both out, plus things like food and drinks, so seems fair to me.

Seems a bit tight to argue over the money like this.

I would worry that with less access to money and a tendency to get into debt, he's going to get you into even more debt than you were in before. You can't just ignore this possibility. I would think it's inevitable.

I would pay half the lease etc but he does fuel.

If your marriage is otherwise good OP, I'd split the bills 50/50 for the sake of fairness, clarity and to avoid there being an 'atmosphere' for the children - if there isn't one already. If this nitpicking is a symptom of a marriage that's beginning to fail, I'd go through things in more detail to get my own finances in order for whatever's coming next. Only you know which it is.

I think over £400 a month is a lot of money to pay for a car on lease. I would say it all depends on wages as well. Are you wages similar or does he earn more than you?

My main worry is that he is crap with money and doesn't seem to have changed his ways. You are married, so it doesn't make any difference at the end of the day that you are saving, you would be liable for his debts too. He needs to be more honest with you and may be seek help.

In order for him to work, there are some transport costs involved. I think it's reasonable that these are a family expense as they enable him to work. No different to childcare from that point of view (you need it so you can work).

However, if he particularly wants an expensive lease car and you think he should (e.g.) have a suitable moderately priced car I think it would be acceptable to discuss this, and if he disagrees, then he is responsible for paying the difference/a higher proportion.

i would pay 50/50 on the car but not the petrol money every week. Maybe once a month add some petrol in it as you will be using it on shopping trips etc

Some of the replies here are ignoring the fact that you have clearly stated that your DH is crap with money. What about trying your DH to cover the big direct debits at the beginning of the month - rent/ mortgage/ bills with a bit left for spending. And then you cover ongoing expenses through the month - food, school costs, days out. As you are able to manage your money and make it last. If you can both Direct Debit an amount into savings at the beginning of the month that really helps too. Check out the Martin Lewis money saving expert website. Good Luck