.. to want to go on course?

[Aagh]

I'm really struggling to get back to any kind of career, and have found an 8 week evening course that might give me a bit of direction and contacts.
Of course the first night is tonight and dh has a big presentation tomorrow and wants me to stay here. The kids are 11 and 14 so are no problem, id leave dinner arrange for pick up from scouts etc. he asked how much it was - £120which im paying for out of my part time job, but he looked visibly ill and hung dog - yet hes going to a works do on fri night and has just spent £230 on a DJ when Im sure he could wear a black suit. He then said Ive been out of work for too long, I should just get any job in town. (though in the past he's cross if its 'just ' a shop job, and not in my field) I explained I was hoping to make some contacts, find out how people write cvs these days, as it seems to be all blogs. he told me it was still cvs and, as he left for work told me he was furious, its his big presentation tomorrow and Im being self indulgent.
The self indulgent bit hurt . obviously Ill stay here tonight now, and next week is guy fawks so it'll be the same thing.
Trouble is, I feel resentful and confused. am I being selfish and self indulgent?. I should have told him on tues when i booked it, but was nervous of his reaction. So I guess I suprised him, but on the other hand, hes 40 odd. why does he need me to put the kids to bed?

He sounds like a prick. Is he trying to impress someone with the expensive suit?

obviously Ill stay here tonight now

DO not stay home OP. Go out to your course.

If you stay home this resentment will build, if you eventually get a job in a shop you'll hate it and will blame your husband. Eventually you'll actively hate him for holding you back. Is it really worth hating him rather than just putting up with a pathetic mood for a couple of days?

He isn't your boss, he's your DH. He is there to support you come what may and to have your back. If he doesn't have your back and if he is pushing you down then eventually it will all go to shit, absolutely no doubt about that.

Just go, if he wants to discuss it like adults then discuss it when you get home. Ask him just exactly how this has inconvenienced him and ask if that inconvenience is not a price worth paying for your happiness. His answer should reveal a lot.

Presumably you have to pay anyway now. Go and find out some tips. When did he last apply for a job, so many are online screening forms not cvs. He'll just have to get over it.

its a 200 quid m and s dj and a 30 tie and shirt, and yes, he is being schmoozed by a company so wants to look good and feel confident, which I get. It just seems an awful lot for one night!
thanks for saying hes a prick! made me lol :)

the company want his companies business. if they were offering him a job that would be different, it would be more worth the investment.

Go. It sounds like you have covered pick ups, dinner etc . There is really not a lot for your DH to cover . Why does DH want you to stay home? Does he want you to help him practice/listen to his presentation or does he just want you here just in case you are needed. If the latter Definately go. It really annoys me that women are always expected to put their needs/wants aside you deserve this and DH should be facilitating it not putting up obstacles

Please go on your course OP. It sounds like he does not want you to improve your prospects and possibly do better than him . You will resent him if you don't go. He will get over it !

You should go. He’s behaving like a soiled brat.

Go. Surely an 11&14 yo can be left for a couple of hours in the evening especially if you've sorted their dinner? They don't need "putting to bed"?

He is being unreasonable. All he had to do is serve a meal that has been cooked and put the DC to bed.
If I had work to do in the evening I sat down with the DC when they were doing homework and told them I had homework too.

It creates the impression that he thinks your career aspirations are very much secondary to his big important role.

Go. Please go

Go! Stop being a doormat and give your children a role model for working women. So they don’t end up thinking what their dad clearly does. 🙄

thanks guys. Ive paid already, so it does seem silly to stay here just to be a nanny/cook. I hear you, smyMLMc. on the one hand I agree that I should assert my independence, on the other, Im not sure I want the fall out.

For goodness sake go!
Your children are old enough to brush their own teeth and put themselves to bed. He can work on his bloody presentation. Why does he need you in the house?

FfS what kind of man child is he needing you to hold his hand.

Go! If you don't you're feeding into the idea that he's somehow right - he really couldn't be more wrong, on many many levels. Go!!

Just go.

At 11 and 14, the kids presumably need minimal input anyway, so what's his problem? He is being a twat.

If you keep avoiding fallout, he will just keep treating you exactly the same way.

The kids can put themselves to bed if he's really that useless, they are 11 and 14 not babies! If his presentation is so important, presumably he is all prepared for it so if it's just a case of wanting an early night he is being ridiculous.
Go to the course, you are paying for it and it's your life. It sounds like he quite likes being the "big man" showing off with his important job while you are unable to do anything.

What exactly do you mean by fallout?

@PurpleDaisies soiled brat sounds like an apt description from what the OP has posted!!

You have got to go!! It's like he is trying to sabotage any chance of you going back to work, do not let him, partners encourage each other to better themselves not scupper their chances!

that’s a good typo.

Next week is Guy Fawkes?

Your kids aren't 5, and if there's something planned with the scouts surely he can take them.

He sounds horrible.

And you sound very ground down by his controlling ways

Do you always back down when he objects to something?
Are you scared of his reaction of you tell him you don't agree and will attend the course?
What will he do?

You must do this course and get a job and some independent income.

Your children are old enough - have a word with them and tell them this course is important to you.

Also why do you need to miss it on Guy Fawkes night?

I asked why specifically does he want me to be in? and He vaguely said he wanted to practise his presentation on me but I'm pretty sure he just doesn't like anything thats out of the ordinary.
I'm trying to be fair - I'll feel very gulity if he does want to practise his presentation and Im not there. It's crap because Im pretty sure whatever he does will not be acknowledged. They are a pretty awful company so I feel for him. But I also want a job so Im not the only one doing UTTERLY BORING HOUSE stuff.!
If the roles were reversed I'd say go and I'll send kids to the chippy. and practise by videoing myself. ffs.