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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend treating me like a taxi

85 replies

Moominfan · 24/10/2019 08:13

So Over summer had a few days out with said friend. I drive she doesn't. I'd pick her up and it would add miles/time to my journey getting her and her daughter. I never asked for petrol and wouldn't want her to pay petrol. I only recently started driving and really sympathise having a little one and no car. However, it would have been nice if she'd offered to buy a coffee or parking. Just a small gesture would have been appreciated.

Today I was going to take my child to a climbing wall not far from hers. Mentioned it and I offered to pick them up. It's only an extra 5mins. They then respond yea that would be great, I also need to go collect a prescription. I'm not a taxi I don't want to run errands. I've told a white lie now and said he's Ill just because I can't be bothered.

OP posts:
readingismycardio · 24/10/2019 08:21

do it now, as you promised, but never offer again and make excuses when she asks

GeneHuntLover · 24/10/2019 08:23

If you don't want to give lifts why are you offering them?

Original poster
Moominfan · 24/10/2019 08:26

I didn't mind picking them up to go climbing, didn't fancy taking them for errands son route

OP posts:
Original poster
Moominfan · 24/10/2019 08:26

En route *

OP posts:
JustHereWithPopcorn · 24/10/2019 08:29

I can understand this is can be frustrating especially when they can't reciprocate with the driving however if the child knew they was going to go climbing would they be disappointed now? Might be best to go today but in future stop offering lifts.

Original poster
Moominfan · 24/10/2019 08:33

I've already messaged and lied saying mines Ill to get out of it. The kids are toddler age and to be fair walking distance it would only take her 15mins if she still wanted to go.

OP posts:
OldEvilOwl · 24/10/2019 08:39

Is it out of your way to get the prescription? In future just say something like, 'can you pay for parking as I'm driving? Thanks'

StillCoughingandLaughing · 24/10/2019 08:39

The problem is that you’re offering lifts and are now annoyed that she has asked you to make a quick detour because she thinks you don’t mind. You created the overall expectation, not her. If it’s bothering you enough to invent illnesses, you’re not really happy about giving these lifts. Stop offering.

WillLokireturn · 24/10/2019 08:48

UP didn't said she doesn't want to offer lifts. How couldbPPsbmisread such a short thread?! She said she offered to collect her friend and DD to same place as she was going to climbing wall place anyway with her child. It was 5 mins out of her way she was happy to do. Friend adding in errands to be also driven to collect prescription wasn't part of the offer. Those kind of errands can add on deceptive amount of time hanging around & petrol (20mins+ for prescription, parking , it's a different direction)

It's a shame you felt unable to say "No sweetie I'm just going to climbing wall and back. I'm not offering to run you around for your errands, I have my own to do elsewhere.. You sort those out separately and we'll be grand. Do you want to come with me to climbing wall place still or run your errand?"

Now you're driving OP you will need to learn to set boundaries to avoid non driver friends unintentionally taking over your time aka taxi service. It's different if you didn't mind that day, or she was ill and you offered, but if you don't want to, don't be afraid to say "No, I'm not going that way" to different requests to your offer. Otherwise you'll just avoid they friend who adds in extra journies and they won't get any lifts at all, just like today. .

gwackywacky · 24/10/2019 08:53

Controversial opinion alert:

I'm guessing you dont work if you're taking your kid out.

Of course you dont have to do anything. But not wanting to drive your friend to get a prescription because you cba when you dont work is technically defensible but a bit sad imo. It's like friendships these days are limited to coffee and a gossip session

Whattodoabout · 24/10/2019 08:56

She should have offered petrol/parking money, it’s rude not to even if you wouldn’t have accepted.

If the pharmacy is on the way to the climbing thing I can’t see a big issue, if it’s going out of your way though then you have a point. Just don’t offer lifts anymore, you clearly don’t like doing it.

Whattodoabout · 24/10/2019 08:57

I'm guessing you dont work if you're taking your kid out.

Not sure how this is ‘controversial’ or even an opinion @gwackywacky. OP may work part time or this may have been her day off, she may also be a SAHM while her OH works. Not really any of your business either way.

gwackywacky · 24/10/2019 08:59

Who made you thread prefect?

Shoxfordian · 24/10/2019 08:59

Why are you offering if you don't want to do it?
Stop offering

Original poster
Moominfan · 24/10/2019 09:00

The problem is that you’re offering lifts and are now annoyed that she has asked you to make a quick detour because she thinks you don’t mind.

^ yes I'm really agreeable and hate confrontation. Created this mess really. It's a shame cause I do get along with her and me being me I'm now just going to avoid her rather than deal with the issue

OP posts:
Original poster
Moominfan · 24/10/2019 09:00

No, I'm not going that way" to different requests to your offer.

Going to have to practice that. Confused

OP posts:
chocolatebuttonsandcheese · 24/10/2019 09:01

To be honest if it was a good friend I wouldn't mind picking the prescription up, especially if I offered a lift

NWQM · 24/10/2019 09:01

I'd have tactically misunderstood and replied saying 'aw okay met you in there then'.

I'm taking it she didn't ask - which I think would have been fine - but rather assumed it wouldn't be a problem to stop off?

Original poster
Moominfan · 24/10/2019 09:02

I'm guessing you dont work if you're taking your kid out.

I work and I'm at college...also a single parent that likes to take my child out.

OP posts:
Areyoubeingservedhen · 24/10/2019 09:08

You mention that you haven't been driving long. So before then I bet you were in receipt of lifts. People must have driven you around. Can you remember that feeling of 'I wish I could just ask this person to drop in to Tesco' but feeling too shy? I vividly remember being driven home and smiling as they drove away before getting my double buggy out in the rain to walk to the pharmacist or shop.
It's because of this that I offer lifts and to pick stuff up and drive so people can drink on a night out. I remember that feeling of 'helplessness' (for lack of a better word) that if I needed anything I had to walk or bus and sometimes couldn't get to certain kids parties or do a big weekly shop. I'm sure you remember it too.

WillLokireturn · 24/10/2019 09:13

This really shouldn't be a virtue signalling issue. I'm sure if OP didnt mind also stopping by pharmacist today she would have said yes. It's not a 5 mins out of her way, even if pharmacist is near, it's at least an extra 1/2 hour (20 mins waiting for script to be filled +5+5) maybe longer waiting around or further away. She's taking her own DC climbing wall for a couple hours, a long enough trip out, with her oen DC possibly napping in car on way home starting a sleep. If want to get home quickly too and not be up for also doing errands for others too when she has enough of her own to do. It's nice she's offered to take friend and her DD, already going out her way. That doesn't mean OP never wants to help her friend out!

Charles11 · 24/10/2019 09:21

It seems it’s one way here. I can understand that you don’t want to help her run her errands when you feel that she doesn’t appreciate your friendship and get taken for granted.

recklessruby · 24/10/2019 09:24

@moominfan I have been there! You feel mean saying no at first but practice makes perfect!
Petrol s not cheap and you re saving her the bus fares/inconvenience of walking.
I used to drive my friend to work (went a little out of my way for this) as we work together. I just had to say oh i m walking today, bit broke and cant get petrol. (Not a lie 2 days before payday). Sometimes she would help out.
I think people quickly latch onto your occasional favour being expected.
We now work different hours so the habit s been broken. Smile and the friendship under less strain.
Yanbu but you need to limit your favours or you will feel resentful in the end.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/10/2019 09:31

She needs to understand 2 things, 1) petrol costs money and 2) you’re too busy. Next time offer to drop her at the chemist on the way back - but that’s awkward for car seats, I imagine. Or just say you’re too busy. Your generosity is as much the issue as her cheeky fuckery.

ThatMuppetShow · 24/10/2019 09:37

I don't know, was it on your way or not? If you had to just make a quick stop, I can't see the issue.

Depending on the time you were planning to get to the climbing wall, it might have been too late for her to run her errand after. You just started driving, surely you remember people have to plan a bit if they have to walk a certain distance with their kids.

Yes, it's weird she doesn't even offer a coffee (probably doesn't even occur to her about parking frankly), but don't offer lift if you don't want to give them. No one is a CF for asking, just say no.

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