Friend treating me like a taxi

[Moominfan]

So Over summer had a few days out with said friend. I drive she doesn't. I'd pick her up and it would add miles/time to my journey getting her and her daughter. I never asked for petrol and wouldn't want her to pay petrol. I only recently started driving and really sympathise having a little one and no car. However, it would have been nice if she'd offered to buy a coffee or parking. Just a small gesture would have been appreciated.

Today I was going to take my child to a climbing wall not far from hers. Mentioned it and I offered to pick them up. It's only an extra 5mins. They then respond yea that would be great, I also need to go collect a prescription. I'm not a taxi I don't want to run errands. I've told a white lie now and said he's Ill just because I can't be bothered.

Areyoubeingservedhen; I can't drive-never learned, and I never ask people for lifts. If I can't get there by foot, taxi or public transport I don't go. Why assume the OP got lifts before she learned?

She doesn’t feel cheeky never offering petrol money or a coffee, so why do you feel bad setting boundaries?

Next time, could you say something like:

‘Fancy taking kids to the climbing wall? I’ll pick you up and drop you off if you get the coffees! ‘

Agree if she asks to go anywhere else en route, I would say ‘Sorry, I’m not going that way.’

I once offered to take my disabled friend to the GP..
Before long it was seen as my regular favour. No discussion..
Oh and her dh drove her mobility car to work leaving her housebound....
Before long a prescription will turn into a week's shop.... Weekly..

Oh and her dh drove her mobility car to work leaving her housebound....

Isn’t that fraud?

“and to be fair walking distance it would only take her 15mins if she still wanted to go”

So now you can’t go in case she turns up and discovers that your toddler isn’t too ill....

She is responsible for asking /assuming a favour, but she isn’t at fault because you can’t communicate.

If you resent stopping at the chemist just say “I’d rather just leave enough time to get to the place and back than bud in errands’ and if she pushes back say ‘I suggested a kids outing, I’m not setting up as a taxi service. I’m having to watch my petrol budget’.

Stop offering her a lift. If you wish to meet her out and about tell her you will meet her at the park/cafe. She can find her own way. If she asks if you can pick her up then tell her you can't as you are nearing a empty tank and can't afford to top up petrol just yet. It might make her think about what it costs to go out of your way to collect her and drop her home.

'No sweetie I'm just going to climbing wall and back. I'm not offering to run you around for your errands, I have my own to do elsewhere.. You sort those out separately and we'll be grand. Do you want to come with me to climbing wall place still or run your errand?'

This sounds unnecessary passive aggressive. Just say you can only offer lift to climbing.

It is annoying OP and I don’t know why people don’t think she’s being a CF. If it was a one off you wouldn’t mind but she does it everywhere she goes! And never pays for parking or anything! I would’ve cancelled too OP.

Of course you dont have to do anything. But not wanting to drive your friend to get a prescription because you cba when you dont work is technically defensible but a bit sad imo. It's like friendships these days are limited to coffee and a gossip session.

Not 'controversial' at all, just a little bit bitchy @gwackywacky. It doesn't mean that the OP 'can't be arsed' or is 'sad', because she doesn't want to be made a mug of. There's a difference between a friend asking if it's ok to go to the chemists as well, and making the assumption that that's fine without having the courtesy to ask. She has no idea if the OP has anything else planned. Friendships should be a two-way thing - not one person having the piss taken out of them for their kindness.

While my friends and I have lifts from each other regularly, I would always pay for parking/coffee etc. But then I'm not one for taking the piss, even if a friend doesn't work.

It sounds like you’ve over extended yourself doing too much of the leg work in your friendship with all the driving, so definitely put an end to that! Ask to meet up and make it clear you’ll meet her there (wherever you’re going).

I don’t know her exact wording but I’m guessing if she’d phrased it as ‘I know it’s a hassle and you’re already being so kind to pick me up, but would it be possible to stop by the chemist so I can grab a prescription? No worries at all if not!’, I.e. been polite and acknowledged that she’s asking a favour/given you an explicit ‘out’, you might not have felt so annoyed. Or if she’d thanked you verbally for all the lifts or offered to contribute somehow with parking or coffee or petrol. But if she phrased it how you’ve described it, like ‘yes I’ll have the lift please, also I need to go to the chemist’ then she sounds like a proper cheeky one who’s got so used to you doing favours for her she now just sees you as her dogsbody.

Meh if it was a good friend of mine I'd have no bother bringing her to get her prescription if we were out anyway

YABU. You've set up expectations by behaving like a taxi service.

Be less available.

The thing is you do it once and then it starts to become the expected "hey do you mind taking me to Tesco tonight" "hey, do you mind just nipping to the shop on your way to mine because I've had no tea and I'm hungry"

I don't mind if I'm already out and about and it's close but it is a pain having to go out of your way or go out when you don't really need or want to.

I don't know about OP's friend, but I think there are a lot of people out there who don't particularly like the responsibility of being an adult and their default will be to ask for help or for somebody else to do something simple for them instead of doing it themselves. Maybe they were ever taught to stand on their own feet by their parents, maybe they're lazy or maybe they lack confidence.

Not being able to drive often seems to go with the territory with such people. I am NOT saying ALL non-drivers at all - plenty of people don't drive for medical or financial reasons, or they've always lived in a big city with excellent public transport.

There are also lots of people who don't drive for whatever reason who absolutely don't expect other people to act as their personal taxi and they adapt their lives, use public transport, ask for the very occasional lift and insist on paying for petrol or will call and pay for an actual taxi.

However, on a Venn diagram of adults who could have learned to drive but never did and adults whose default is to ask others to deal with their needs, desires and mundane issues that arise which they could easily deal with or find a simple solution for themselves, I think there would be a massive overlap.

I don't think a lot of them are deliberately trying it on, just that they think that delegating running large parts of their everyday lives - whether involving travelling in a car or not - to others IS finding a solution, because they managed to identify a potential helper and ask them for help all on their own.

OP I get it. This would annoy me too, especially if she didn’t even offer petrol money once in a while (not that I’d accept it). I’d definitely be offering parking money if a friend was driving me around.

Chloe they omitted the car from benefit applications as apparently it wasn't fair they had to decide car OR the £££ equivalent...
She worked and her job paid a taxi there and back as dh had HER car!!

You mention that you haven't been driving long. So before then I bet you were in receipt of lifts. People must have driven you around.

Why make that assumption? There are such things as buses, bikes and taxis, to say nothing of legs for walking on.

As PP have said, there are lots of errands that are are "just popping into" which are nothing of the sort. Even without queues, the number of pharmacies that will keep you waiting a good half hour or more to fill your prescription is crazy. Even many of those that receive your prescription electronically don't prepare it in advance for you and only start thinking about it once you turn up for it.

Full-sized supermarkets are never quick, either. They're so big and busy that picking up one or two items (and you always think of other things you need too) isn't usually very much quicker than buying a whole trolley-load.

Add in queues in shops and traffic (as well as fuel and parking costs, of course) and it can end up taking a lot of time out of your day, which can be particularly challenging when you have small children to look after as well.

It doesn't often figure in the minds of those asking, because they would have to spend the time to do their errands anyway, but it seems quite common for some people to overlook the fact that it isn't just you doing the driving for them (and picking up the associated costs) - it's also a chunk of your own life spent travelling and waiting around purely for their benefit.

Of course you wouldn't, but if you asked them to come with you in your car to the supermarket, post office, pharmacy, dentist etc. - just because you wanted a bit of company whilst doing your boring everyday tasks - not many of them would entertain it for a moment. Suddenly, the amount of their own time that it would take would be instantly noticed.

Missing the point of the thread a bit but I think it's pretty awful to lie about your child being ill.

Full-sized supermarkets are never quick, either. They're so big and busy that picking up one or two items (and you always think of other things you need too) isn't usually very much quicker than buying a whole trolley-load.

only if I think that a maximum of 10 minutes is hardly quicker than a full hour.

clicky
No it isn’t. Op didn’t say her ds has a brain tumour.

So you've spited your child just so you don't have to pick a prescription up. She wanted a favour and it dies t sound a very big one and from what you've written none of the lifts etc sound major. All you have to do is say NO.

also I need to go to the chemist’

^^ it was along those lines...I've done it so much I think they assume it's not an issue and I've never said anything before

Well I'd never say my ds is ill if he wasn't. Just seems off.

Well I'd never say my ds is ill if he wasn't. Just seems of

I always thought one of the perks of having kids it being able to leave early and get out of things