Friend treating me like a taxi

[Moominfan]

So Over summer had a few days out with said friend. I drive she doesn't. I'd pick her up and it would add miles/time to my journey getting her and her daughter. I never asked for petrol and wouldn't want her to pay petrol. I only recently started driving and really sympathise having a little one and no car. However, it would have been nice if she'd offered to buy a coffee or parking. Just a small gesture would have been appreciated.

Today I was going to take my child to a climbing wall not far from hers. Mentioned it and I offered to pick them up. It's only an extra 5mins. They then respond yea that would be great, I also need to go collect a prescription. I'm not a taxi I don't want to run errands. I've told a white lie now and said he's Ill just because I can't be bothered.

So you've spited your child just so you don't have to pick a prescription up

We went, had a great time and didn't bump into her. I knew it was unlikely she never goes anywhere ever. Which why I've spent so much time picking up ferrying around ect. If it was appreciated I wouldn't mind but it's now just assumed.

@gwackywacky

I'm guessing you dont work if you're taking your kid out.

What a ridiculous wanky thing to say. I work AND I take my kids out, did I miss the passing of a law saying this is not allowed? Get over yourself love.

@gwackywacky I don't work. I'm a sahm and my DH works to support us (or should that be, I don't work so I can facilitate my husband having a career by providing childcare for his offspring?). I have a car. And you know what? It STILL doesn't mean I should run my friends and neighbours around because I'm not "working". It's not "sad" that I don't want to. It's my car and my time. I'm not an unpaid taxi service just because I'm not working at a paid job.

OP, ease back on the driving your friend around. As you have now noticed, it's become the expected thing for you to ferry her around. I know you don't want to ask for petrol but please do start asking for something in return. Like a PP suggested, "You can pay the parking because I've driven" or "why don't you get the coffees in because I've driven"

We went, had a great time and didn't bump into her. I knew it was unlikely she never goes anywhere ever. Which why I've spent so much time picking up ferrying around ect. If it was appreciated I wouldn't mind but it's now just assumed.

Now to be fair @Moominfan you offered to pick her up.She didnt badger you to go.

Im reading it as over the summer it was a mutual thing.You and your dc had someone to talk to/play with.So why now?Why are you bringing up petrol money and then saying further on,you dont want it.

Your df asked to go to the chemist.A simple no would do.But you are tying yourself in knots and then trying to blame your friend.

I dont drive,and this s why i hate taking lifts that are offered.They offer,even though im perfectly capable of getting there under my own steam.But then they bitch and moan about it.

I offered to go to one activity I don't want to do errands. This is every time we go somewhere and it was asked it was stated. Yea I'll come and need to go chemist....I've done it so much they think it's ok because I've never said otherwise

Just offer to meet her at places-problem solved.

I always thought one of the perks of having kids it being able to leave early and get out of things

100% agree with you on this .

Yea that's what I'm going to do fedup there's a soft play 20mins walk from her, I do like her I just can't enjoy the friendship with the whole driving thing. That aside I like her company

Not keen on lying and saying my kids are ill, think that’s a bit off.

Whilst you do need to put boundaries in place for sure, I think if my friend didn’t drive I would be happy to take her to get a prescription really?
There’s being un-boundaried, and there’s being awkward for the sake of it.

@Moominfan I think you did the right thing. You HAVE to back off the constant lifts before it becomes her default free transportation and gets worse.

My mum's old friend and her kid keep asking me to go run errands. It started when my DM's friend's DH was ill. He had the driving license and stopped driving much so DM's friend did the driving on provisional license with him as passenger. She had failed her test and has given up trying to pass.
When he could no longer go in the car, the DS started asking me for lifts to work on the odd occasion. As his DF was ill, feeling bad for them I agreed when asked. But those lifts got longer and longer. "I need to pop into XX house on XX street. Just stop there first please" so I'd go and end up sitting in the car while he went in, had a nice chat and picked up whatever he was going for. After just under 10 minutes they stood at the door carrying on their conversation for another 5 minutes. Then I'd get to drive the lad to work.
I'd get messages asking me to please pick him up from work because his DF was too sick. So I'd go. 10pm, sitting in my car waiting. A couple of times I discovered that he had made other arrangements and forgot to "cancel" me. So I'd had gone out at night to sit and wait for 20 minutes to find I could have been in my jammies at home instead. They were of course very apologetic. I started making up excuses and he changed jobs soon after anyway.
Now the DF is too ill and the car has been sold I'm still getting asked. It's not even a case of going the same way so they're just hopping in. It's me having to stop whatever I'm doing, get my coat on and drive them to the shop. Or doctors of chemists.
I am more than happy to pick my non driving friends up when I'm going the same way but the moment it's "expected" and there's no thanks for it, it's no longer a nice thing for me to do.

@Moominfan" because I've never said otherwise" There it is.Peopleare not mind readers.And from what i read its the first time df has asked to do a excursion.

"I need to go to the chemist"

• OK, then I can drop you at xxx on the way back so you can walk to the pharmacy and home from there.

Easy!

Doesnt solve the petrol/parking costs thing. Often if someone is "paying" expenses they then assume that they have "rights" to make demands eg to be taken out of your way.

.And from what i read its the first time df has asked to do a excursion.

I've driven well out my way to pick up and drop off before With plenty of excursions imbetween

OP it seems like you're sending out mixed messages. You're offering lifts without any expectation of her contributing, but then you're getting mad when she doesn't and asks you to stop along the way.

You need to be clearer here. I would stop offering her lifts if the situation is not working out and causing more hassle than it's worth. If you offering lifts is the only way you see this person, then is she really a friend? If she asks you for a lift then I would say something along the lines of 'If you don't mind paying for parking/buying the coffees/contributing towards petrol/sorting the tickets, then I can drive us to X'. Tell her clearly what you want her to do.

I've driven well out my way to pick up and drop off before With plenty of excursions imbetween Thats not in your op though.

It seems like you are getting annoyed with your friend for agreeing to go anywhere with you.If you ask and say you will pick her up.You cant then complain about it.

I would stop the lifts.You say one thing but mean something else.

"Want me to pick you up and we'll go to the climbing wall place?"

How does that mean, "Want me to pick you up and ferry you around running errands as well as go to the climbing wall?"?

OP was pretty clear on the offer no?

I had a friend like this.

I am going climbing fancy meeting me there. Could you pick me up. Yes big you pay for parking/ get the coffees.
Ok yes can we go to the chemist . Oh if you have errands to do I’ll just meet you there.

Honestly if you don’t say anything but will eat away at you

Full-sized supermarkets are never quick, either. They're so big and busy that picking up one or two items (and you always think of other things you need too) isn't usually very much quicker than buying a whole trolley-load.

only if I think that a maximum of 10 minutes is hardly quicker than a full hour.

OK, that was an exaggeration - but, as you say, it still might be 10 minutes. If it's Aldi or Lidl, there are no express tills, so you might be stuck behind somebody with a heaving trolley.

You still have to drive in to the car park (sometimes queuing), park in a space, walk to the shop, find whatever you wanted, walk back to the tills, maybe queue to pay, leave and walk back to your car and then leave the car park (again, there might be a queue).

@FionaOgre just say no.Feigning illness is a step too far.And anyway doesnt sound like the friend is a cf.She only asked.

Of course you dont have to do anything. But not wanting to drive your friend to get a prescription because you cba when you dont work is technically defensible but a bit sad imo. It's like friendships these days are limited to coffee and a gossip session

So it's ok to not even offer to buy coffee as a thankyou? Friendship goes both ways, you know! The Op isn't a free taxi.

gwackywacky

Controversial opinion alert:

I'm guessing you dont work if you're taking your kid out.

Of course you dont have to do anything. But not wanting to drive your friend to get a prescription because you cba when you dont work is technically defensible but a bit sad imo. It's like friendships these days are limited to coffee and a gossip session

WOW!!! WOW!! WOW!!!!!
I'm actually speechless

Whatever really. Someone who thinks it's a massive deal to help a friend pick up a prescription and sneeringly says "she never goes anywhere ever" doesn't sound like the kind I'd want as a friend

@gwackywacky fwiw I agree with you.

I find this so odd. The attitude that OP drives so should by default not mind running friends around everywhere.

A detour to the chemist/shops/whatever is above and beyond what the OP offered in the first place.

Am I the only one who thinks a friend with a car offering to pick you up so you and dc can have a morning out is really lovely of OP?

I don’t drive. No expectations of friends to pick me up from anywhere, I’m happy to take responsibility of my own situation and make my way to places and run my own errands. I very rarely accept lifts from friends as I’m aware how expensive it is to own and run a car and their time is also taken up by their own responsibilities.

And the PP who’s mums friends keep asking for lifts, ignore their messages bad phone calls and stop being their unpaid taxi. Say no I’m in the middle of something. Then don’t respond to anything they say til the next day or so. And why are you ferrying around a grown arse man every which where?

.If you ask and say you will pick her up.You cant then complain about it.

It's the assumption I'll ferry around. I just wanted to go climbing. Every time we go somewhere I'm asked to nip here and there.