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Original poster

Birthday party pickle

100 replies

PuddyMuddles4 · 23/10/2019 20:04

I need some help please!

My DTDs (11) have been invited to a birthday party on Sunday. It'll just be them, the birthday girl (DD2s BFF), the brother and the parents. The parents don't speak a word of English apparently (although how you can live in England for over 11 years and not have even a basic understanding of English boggles the mind). The party involves them picking DDs up from our house and taking them swimming and for lunch (5 hours). Even though the invitation said to call them to confirm, I've been trying for 2 weeks and they never answer the phone. According to BFF they don't like talking over the phone (and can't speak English).

Now I know my DDs really really want to go, but I just can't bring myself to let the two most precious things in my life go off in a car with complete strangers who can't even answer the phone to me. It also pisses me off considerably that they say to call and then don't answer the phone to me, and expect me to entrust my DDs to people I've never met.

I know DDs would be heartbroken not to go, and DD2 has given BFF our address, so chances are they'll show up here on Sunday anyway and want to take the girls along - how do I say no then?

Arrrgggghhhh! I don't know what to do. I can't get hold of the parents to let them know...well, anything. I can't say no to DDs if they show up here anyway. We can't just not be in as it is DDs BFF and I don't want to ruin the friendship.

WTF do I do?

OP posts:
Dontlikeoranges · 23/10/2019 20:06

Are they still in primary? If so could you catch them at the school gate ? Obviously might not be feasible work wise.

ThePants999 · 23/10/2019 20:07

Relax a bit. Let them go. Nothing untoward will happen.

theendoftheendoftheend · 23/10/2019 20:07

I'd let them go, is it a house number or a mobile? If it's a mobile text them

Original poster
PuddyMuddles4 · 23/10/2019 20:16

They all started high school in September, so haven't even been friends long.

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 23/10/2019 20:17

I can understand that they are your babies and it’s so hard to let them go but I really can’t see anything bad happening! I’d let them go.

greenlynx · 23/10/2019 20:20

Lots of questions are coming to my mind.
How long do you know them?
Have your daughters ever visited them at home?
Are your daughters good confident swimmers?
You can’t live in UK for 11 years and don’t have any English at all. It’s just impossible. ( I’m not from UK originally so talking from experience). You could be not good with phone calls, yes, but it would be very specific life style without any
English at all. How on earth these parents communicate with school e.g at parents evenings. ?

LynetteScavo · 23/10/2019 20:25

So when they come to pick them up you firmly invite them in and give them coffee. You take a look at their car to make sure it looks safe enough. You give your DDs a phone to call you.
What can happen in a public pool and a restaurant? Presumably your DD can swim.
They are expecting you to text your RSVP, which is why they haven't answered the phone.

Original poster
PuddyMuddles4 · 23/10/2019 20:29

Yes, both DDs are confident swimmers. The girls have only been friends since starting high school in September. I've never even met the BFF, and my DDs haven't met her parents.

Maybe I'm overthinking this.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 23/10/2019 20:31

How on earth these parents communicate with school e.g at parents evenings. ? They probably take another parent who speaks English to translate.

EmmiJay · 23/10/2019 20:44

Alright, me personally, I'd say they can go but best believe I'd be at that swimming pool with them, waiting on the sides.😐 And I'd follow them to lunch too...

GameSetMatch · 23/10/2019 20:48

Send a little RSVP card, thank and accept the invite and put your number on the note and tell them to call you before the party. If they are picking your DTD up from your house you will have a chance to say a quick hello.

MrsJoshNavidi · 23/10/2019 20:49

Let them go. What do you think will happen to them?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 23/10/2019 20:52

At secondary school age I think you have to let it go. Yes they should pick up the phone but for whatever reason they aren't. Do your DDs have phones? Can they ring you if anything worries them at all?

BigBairyHollocks · 23/10/2019 20:55

Jeepers I thought they were in primary one!Let them go, they are old enough to go into a pool on their own with a friend for goodness sake.Really,it will be fine.

RedPoppiesAndSpots · 23/10/2019 20:56

Have your DDs got their freind mobile number? Get that from them too. Do you know if BF has an older sibling you could get in touch with?

arethereanyleftatall · 23/10/2019 20:56

I think you'll need to let this go, because from now on and for the rest of their lives they'll be getting in cars of people you've never met.

RedPoppiesAndSpots · 23/10/2019 20:56

friend....not freind!

Stuckinanutshell · 23/10/2019 21:01

I’m going to go against the grain here. If I haven’t even spoken to the parents it would be a no from me.

I wouldn’t leave my child with a childminder I hadn’t previously met/spoken to; so why would I let my child be driven off by people who haven’t spoken to me at all?

Celebelly · 23/10/2019 21:09

I'm not sure I'd be happy with this either and I like to think I'm fairly laid back!

Can you take them instead and just meet them at swimming, etc? That way they don't miss out on the party but you aren't sending them off with people you've never met and who apparently are unable to communicate!

LeZa · 23/10/2019 21:09

I would not let my dd's go to this. You have never met the friend or her parents....they haven't known them for long... absolutely would not allow them to go. Explain to your dd's the reason you are saying no, they are old enough to understand.

HTruffle · 23/10/2019 21:09

I agree with stuckinanutshell. It’d make me feel uneasy too.

Celebelly · 23/10/2019 21:10

Maybe your DDs can tell BFF to tell her parents that you'll just meet them there at X time and hope the message gets relayed. That's all you can do if they won't actually speak to you!

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 23/10/2019 21:13

Sorry, what? They’ve lived here for eleven years but don’t speak English?

How the hell do they cope with school, doctors, employment, bills, banks, traffic signs, basic day to day conversation? Why the hell would you live in a country where you won’t speak the language? Confused

Autumnfresh · 23/10/2019 21:16

I’d say they can go but not in the car. If they don't speak English how did they get a licence? Send a note with your daughters friend.

feebeecat · 23/10/2019 21:21

Had something fairly similar happen just after my dtds started senior school, but with the added twist that the mother was arranging things, via text, in broken English with dtd1. It was a surprise for her dd - she would pick mine up, take them off and surprise her dd! Kind of surprised me too!

After a brief panic, I told girls to tell the mum I would drop them off, to 'add' to the surprise. Also gave me a chance to meet mum, (and granny), see where they would be and stop me panicking. Still best friends four years later.

Can you find out further details, drop them off/lurk until you're happy? It's hard to 'let go' and this is just the start, it does get easier though. Good luck!