Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else have a sister who makes them feel like shit?

117 replies

Iamnotagoddess · 22/10/2019 23:09

Anyone?

Please share.

My sister just will never ever get how she hurts me sometimes Sad

OP posts:
ssd · 23/10/2019 09:30

I honestly truly envy only children. All the threads on here about having an only, I dream of being that.
My deepest fear is my children will be like me and my sister and my feelings for her. I watch for it all the time and over react if something happens, something that's probably normal. I don't know how a normal sibling relationship is like.

Pinkypie86 · 23/10/2019 09:31

I'm glad I'm not the only one..
I'm the eldest out of three, the middle sister - I love her, I just don't like her. It's as simple as that. I have cried and cried, lost hours of sleep over her and, makes me feel 3 feet tall.
There are no words, except I really feel for anyone who has issues with a sibling.
As far as I'm aware, I've never done anything to her apart from be kind, loving and a friend.
It hurts, really bloody hurts - I've learnt to accept it now. Like I say, I love her - I just don't like the way she sucks the life out of me anymore.

ssd · 23/10/2019 09:32

It funny, but Dh, my parents who are both dead, don't like sister cos they see her for how she is. But her adult children all idolise her, never off social media saying how wonderful she is. It's like reading about someone I've never met, someone kind caring and thoughtful. I'm like What???

ssd · 23/10/2019 09:35

I don't live my sister at all. When she recently had a bad health scare I was just pissed off it wasn't more serious. I'll be happy when she goes. There's nothing to miss. Friends try to say to me oh you'll miss her when she goes, life is too short etc etc. As if.

ssd · 23/10/2019 09:35

Love not live

Littlepond · 23/10/2019 09:39

My sister bullied me a lot when we were growing up. Then as adults she would always put me down and make me feel like crap about everything - new job - “only part time? I’d love to work so few hours!” New house - “i guess you had to move to [bad area] to afford a bigger house?” New baby - “What will you do about work?!” Dyed my hair pink “You ARE aware that you aren’t seventeen, right?” Ugh, I could go on...

Lardlizard · 23/10/2019 09:42

Wow she sound nasty op
Sorry you have to deal with that

I guess some people are just not normal

mazylou · 23/10/2019 09:47

Many sympathies. I have barely spoken to my older sister since our mother died. She’s a lot older than me, and was lovely to me when I was little, as soon as I grew up, she changed. It’s not just me, she’s blanked, one of her oldest friends got the treatment too. At our aunt’s funeral, she seemed not to even see me, although she was two people away from me.

Part of it is, I think, that age gap, and we both had a very strong relationship with our father (who died ages ago).

Skittlesandbeer · 23/10/2019 09:49

I have a terrific sister.

She’s a close friend who is estranged from her blood sister, like I am.

We decided to take each other on as sisters over drinks one night. We laughed, and joked about our kids being cousins, but as the years pass it’s become very very real. It’s lovely to be able to ‘act’ as a sister, in the way we’d always hoped for, without all the blood relation trauma and drama. I honestly love being a sister, and having one.

Was never going to happen with my blood sibling. The day I stepped away from that cluster f*ck was totally liberating and positive. You do your best over many years, but you need to know when to call it a day. After a while, people stop asking about it or trying to ‘make you see sense’ and then your real life can finally start.

There’s a bigger Sisterhood out there, trust me.

KnickerBockerAndrew · 23/10/2019 09:52

I am crying reading these. Thanks so much for sharing, and thanks OP for starting the thread. I've been thinking of starting my own thread but it's all so identifying and it makes it so sad.

My sister has MH problems, is an alcoholic, an anorexic, and is a compulsive liar. (The addiction issues are symptoms of her v. serious MH problem.) I have supported her and loved her and been very close to her... Until a few months ago. She put my child in danger, and I called her out on it.
Since then, she's been absolutely horrible to me, has been lying about me. I'm looking back and seeing patterns where I've been taken advantage of for years. It's like the scales have fallen from my eyes. And it's so, so hard- we've been through a lot together, but I feel like I have to choose me now.

ginghamtablecloths · 23/10/2019 10:11

With a sister like that you should be grateful she doesn't meet up with you. Your relationship sounds toxic. Concentrate on the people who make you happy.

LucyAutumn · 23/10/2019 10:16

Yes, my sister has always lied, cheated, stolen, broken my possessions, given or thrown away my possessions, invaded my privacy, kept me awake at night, burst into the bathroom when i was on the toilet or in the bath, continuously stole my house keys from me and then wouldn't let me in when I was stood outside knocking on the door, belittled me infront of family, ridiculed and made my own friends laugh at me, told me on multiple occasions she wished I had died when I was poorly as a baby, called me fat and ugly when I had an eating disorder, all whilst treating our DB lovingly and adoring him.

She's just the same as an adult, only more calculating and manipulative. She uses people to get what she wants and if they are of no use to her she either ditches them completely or turns volatile. I am screamed at verbally abused if I try to stand up for myself so I mostly try to grey rock myself but she just seems to have had this obsessive campaign against me since I was born so she won't ever just let me go or leave me alone.

My parents know what she is like because she is generally a nasty piece of work to many but my mum takes the easy way out instead of telling her how awful she's being and takes the stance that she's caught in the middle of her daughter's silly feuds. My dad has always expected me to be the bigger person and try to see above it despite the psychological damage her behaviour has caused me.

I'm now in therapy and on anti depressants. My therapist thinks it's very like my sister has a personality disorder.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/10/2019 10:21

I know someone, whose childhood wasn’t great from an emotional POV. Father dictatorial workaholic and compliant mother, emotional abuse. Her identical twin, with mh issues went nc with the entire family including her.

I am now nc from a golden child older brother. He was abusive and violent growing up. Red traffic light sexual stuff too from him. I was constantly trying to please him and the relationship was extremely unhealthy. Time and time again he was handed power over me in different ways from idiotic, thoughtless and abusive parents. The dynamic never changed and he couldn’t even behave at family funerals a couple of years ago, where he was again nasty and violent with me. My mother is in complete denial even though she knew about most of what happened. According to her I was violent and abusive to him. How would that have even worked??? I’m younger and female.

BiddyPop · 23/10/2019 10:28

Yes but too hurtful to post about it.

I have learned to "rise above" and mostly ignore (and then cry in privacy later).

ByeGermsByeWorries · 23/10/2019 10:30

My sister is poisonous. Interfering. Aggressive. Unkind. Uses everyone who comes into contact with her and then plays the victim. Hmm NC is a blessing.

pooopypants · 23/10/2019 10:31

She doesn't make me feel like shit because she doesn't get the opportunity. I would cross the road if she was on fire.

Went NC years ago and it was the best thing I ever did.

Neverender · 23/10/2019 10:36

I have two sisters. One is awful, a control freak and has chosen to go NC with all of us, thank god.

The other is fun but a bit selfish and shallow. I don't go to her with any problems now as she's not very interested, but she is lots of fun if I'm in a good place.

I agree with limit your expectations - I don't need either of them. That's the key...

GoGoPowerScooter · 23/10/2019 10:36

Yep - mine plays the victim constantly, and god help us all if somebody else is the centre of attention. She went NC with me and our parents a few years ago, and while that makes me sad at times, life is so much calmer without her constant self centred dramatic attention seeking.

Diy2019 · 23/10/2019 10:37

Wow OP you are having a tough time, sorry.

I never got one with one of my sister's and went non contact with her in January.
I felt so much better after it without her drama and negativity, best decision I ever made.

She has a child and in September I contacted sis to ask if I could see niece for her birthday (usually see dniece at my parents house but they were on hols and didn't want to miss her birthday). I visited for nieces birthday and sis started with the drama again and lying about me again. Really wish I hadn't made the effort to get in contact with her again and won't be making the same mistake again.

GinAndTings · 23/10/2019 10:51

Yes. I have recently (last week) blocked my sister on all social media platforms and her mobile number after another falling out.

She is always the victim, useless with money (lost her house failure to pay mortgage), dramatizes absolutely everything, constantly argue's with everybody, is very loud and brash.

She is always on the phone to my mum who in turn calls me with the woes/recent drama.

Its a shame.

Drum2018 · 23/10/2019 10:59

I don't understand why you would want a relationship with her if she treats you badly. Just because she is your sister it doesn't automatically mean you have to get on. If she wasn't your sister is she the type of person you'd like as a friend? If not then let her off. She clearly doesn't want a relationship with you so you are better off doing your best to accept that and find good friends instead. Dh has no relationship with his sister. It doesn't affect us. She's just not someone we want in our lives and her being his sister doesn't make him obliged to like her or want anything to do with her.

paintedfences · 23/10/2019 11:19

Mine is proper nuts. Like, not able to function as an adult human being, not able to form and maintain relationships (as she just babbles vaguely coherent stream of consciousness style at people who slowly edge away), no job, lives with my mum who she torments and abuses and basically makes live under house arrest, makes suicide threats by text when my mum has gone to see me or friends or is off having a life basically. She is exceptionally jealous of my mum and blames her for everything that has gone 'wrong' in her life - which is nothing that striking really asides from her not being able to cope with normal life setbacks and having no resilience.

I do feel sorry for her on one hand because she is deeply unhappy, but on the other, I'm utterly done with all of her life-ruining, abusive crap. She won't entertain the idea there's anything 'wrong' with her and despite several hundred conversions and an actual sit down family intervention won't go to see anyone, either gp or therapy or engage at all. And before anyone feels too sorry for her, the list of things she's done would make your eyes bleed - she is the most selfish person I have ever met, she isn't actually capable of being a loving person.

Also before someone says 'she sounds like she has a personality disorder / ASD / mentally ill' - yes, probably. But because she won't engage with it she won't get any treatment so continues to be a raging cunt. And anyway unless anyone invents an un-crazying magic wand that requires no input from her, she'll continue to be the same way, so... I am just very low contact with her and avoid her as best I can. I do worry sometimes about what will happen in 30 years when my parents are gone and she has literally no one as I can see the pressure on me amping up, but I can't think about that too hard.

purplepalace · 23/10/2019 11:38

I had to block my DSIS on social media, she is dramatic and unable to maintain any sort of relationship or friendship, she spectacularly falls out with people and puts it all over FB.

She lies a lot and makes her up own truths (I think she really believes the stuff she says, she's an amazing story teller and if I didn't know the history and childhood she describes are fabricated I'd believe every word) she started putting dramatic and untrue posts up about my deceased parents, I called her up on it (publicly on her FB post) and then I blocked her.

We still swap birthday texts but I have nothing to do with the drama anymore and it's liberating, a few of my friends still follow her and apparently she has thousands of followers and posts incredible stories about huge fall outs with all sorts of people - I'm so embarrassed for her.

I do, however, feel very guilty about losing contact with her children, who are growing up and into their teens now, I'm guessing they've heard all sorts about me and probably hate me. I worry about them with a DM like that, they have no one else as she's fallen out with and alienated every single member of their family who are still alive.

ThighThighOfthigh · 23/10/2019 11:44

Mine is an arsehole. Told me to "stop hogging the limelight" as i held my Dad's hand on his deathbed. Well she was happy to dodge the limelight as i cared for him for a whole year while she went on six posh long haul holidays.

stophuggingme · 23/10/2019 11:48

Yes. Yes. And yes.
Did I say yes?

Read the book.Bought the t shirt. Seen the movieI’ve also seen the sequel. And the prequel.

Becoming a mother made her even worse. She is absolutely fucking hideous, her paranoia, aggression and controlling tendencies are unbearable. The worst thing is her nastiness towards my children and the way she attacks us to our mother who despairs of it all. It is just awful it causes too much pain and trauma to have anything to do with her.

I was a really loyal and loving sister to her. No longer. I feel like an only child.