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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday V Rugby who is BU

109 replies

HolidayVRugby · 22/10/2019 21:55

NC because if my family are on here I don't want them to read my other posts!

I love my brother and my Sil equally (sil was my friend first) I did tell them I was going to ask the people in my phone anyway.

Brother is a MASSIVE rugby fan, used to play, watches and is generally obsessed. From chats with my sil he is a good husband and since children only goes to one club match a year (used to be a season ticket holder) BUT religiously watches (no longer attends) six nations and world cup matches at his old club. He says this is his hobby, he has cut it down loads and it matters to him. Sil has always accepted this.
However
Sil wanted to go away for a few days this half term. Brother said great he would love to (he did not say any day he couldn't go) SIL books three nights away at a cottage about three hours away and tells brother.
Brother says great but they will have to leave very early Saturday morning as he wants to watch the England match (Semi final) at the club.
SIL is furious that they will lose their last day, Brother says she knew it was a world cup year and a semi final against the All Blacks is massive and he wants to watch it with friends (sil won't watch kids too small)

So who is BU?

OP posts:
Selfcarequeereyestyle · 22/10/2019 22:02

Tricky one, I think I side with him (although if he is being honest with himself he knows who will win!). The World Cup is only once every 4 years and it is the semi-final. We have a family event on Saturday and everyone has either said they can’t set off until after the match or have said they will
need to arrive super early to watch the match 🤷‍♀️. I’m just annoyed that DS has a b’day party to go to and it is my turn to take him - I have considered saying he is ill but it is his best friend’s party so I will have to suck it up (and be unsociable in the corner whilst watching on my phone).

ViciousJackdaw · 22/10/2019 22:07

SIL should have checked the dates really. Me and DH are both footy mad but support different teams. We always check dates with each other before making concrete plans.

However, couldn't DB compromise by finding a pub near to the cottage to watch it at? Even if he goes on his own, he'll soon find other rugger buggers to talk to.

PurpleDaisies · 22/10/2019 22:10

She should have checked the dates. He should watch the match somewhere local.

JasonPollack · 22/10/2019 22:10

He is being unreasonable. He should have told her before she booked the cottage if he knew she was looking at it. It's to late now and he'll have to suck it up.

JasonPollack · 22/10/2019 22:11

She did check the dates? He didn't mention it!

ViciousJackdaw · 22/10/2019 22:15

I don't think she did actually check Jason. In my head, and I am fully prepared to be told I'm wrong, the conversation went like this:

Her: I fancy going away for a few days at half term.
Him: Sounds good
Her: OK, I'll look into it
Three hours later...
Her: I've booked a cottage for XXX dates
Him: But the rugby...

Breathlessness · 22/10/2019 22:16

He agreed to go away, didn’t tell her about the match or to avoid any dates and once it was already booked then decided to share that he wants to drag everyone home early to fit his plans?

Your brother is an asshat.

Mummyshark2018 · 22/10/2019 22:20

Tbf England only found out they'd be playing all blacks last Saturday so if sil booked before then then neither would've known- although it was always going to be the semi final day. I'm a rugby fan and if it was my team I wouldn't want to miss it, though I would watch it anywhere!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/10/2019 22:21

I side with him as well and I can't stand rugby!

GooseFeather · 22/10/2019 22:22

He should have told her if there were dates to avoid. Why should the onus be on her to check for dates of something she isn't going to be watching? I wouldn't have a clue when the semi-final is on and would expect the person wanting to watch it to speak up.

Witchinaditch · 22/10/2019 22:23

I think SIL is unreasonable. It’s a one off huge game and he’s a massive fan! They are still getting a holiday just leaving a bit early sounds like a good compromise

Breathlessness · 22/10/2019 22:23

He’ll end up watching it where he wants to but he caused the problem.

Butterisbest · 22/10/2019 22:30

My husband is travelling to Japan tomorrow, he'll be back in 2 weeks.
Your brother should have told your SIL when the matches were on, he's being unreasonable.
Although I do understand why he wants to be at his club to watch the match. It's a tribal thing, I'll go to our local rugby club to watch the semi finals.

Original poster
HolidayVRugby · 22/10/2019 22:31

ViciousJackdaw I'd imagine that was exactly how it did go. Brother would almost certainly have presumed she knew, he would have wanted to watch the semi final regardless of who was playing.

OP posts:
Lockheart · 22/10/2019 22:38

Actually I think brother is being unreasonable, and I say that as a rugby fan who will be in the pub early doors on Saturday!

He can watch the match at the cottage. No need to miss it.

He should have worked with SIL on doing the legwork of booking the cottage instead of leaving it all to her. Failing that he should have told her he absolutely couldn't do X date.

The fixture dates have been set for months, if it was that important to him he should have said so, even if at that point noone knew who'd make it to the semi finals.

Floralnomad · 22/10/2019 22:43

He can watch the match at the cottage it’s ridiculous to say he has to watch with his mates .

sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/10/2019 22:55

It sounds like he has given up a hell of a lot of rugby for his family if he has given up his season ticket. Everyone knows its world cup and she knew he liked to watch it at his club. Probably a bit both to blame but as he has already given up his season ticket, then its fair he gets his way on this.

Branster · 22/10/2019 23:01

It’s the Rugby World Cup, he would have wanted to watch the semis even if England didn’t qualify. She is his wife, she should know this and book accordingly. It will be better in four years’ time 😀
Watching the game at his rugby club is different than watching it at the pub with a bunch of strangers or at home or on holiday with the wife and kids or whilst away on a business trip.
I side with him on this occasion.

Lockheart · 22/10/2019 23:02

@sweeneytoddsrazor unfortunately that's what happens when you have children - you have to cut down your hobbies and other commitments to meet your responsibilities towards your children. My parents used to be season ticket holders before my brother and I were born! And now we're adults they're season ticket holders again.

If it was that important to him then like I say he should have worked more closely with SIL to arrange the holiday. If OP is correct and he did not tell SIL that he had any other commitments then he is 100% at fault and he needs to sort it out himself.

This will either mean not watching it at the club or ruining a third of the family holiday.

Personally I think the former is the lesser of two evils. There is no need for him to miss watching the game, but if he can't watch it at the club it is his fault and noone else's.

Lockheart · 22/10/2019 23:04

Why should she know this and book accordingly @Branster? She is his wife, not his PA. If it's important to him then he needed to arrange the holiday so that he wouldn't miss being at the club.

GooseFeather · 22/10/2019 23:05

She is his wife, she should know this and book accordingly. It will be better in four years’ time

Yes, the little woman should know better and plan round the man on instinct. Hmm Fuck that. If he wanted to avoid a particular date, he should have said so.

fargo123 · 22/10/2019 23:07

Brother is totally unreasonable.

He should've mentioned any dates that didn't work for him when SIL first brought up the idea of going away. He didn't, so too bad, so sad. Suck it up.

There is no reason he has to watch it at a particular location, especially if it's going to inconvenience the majority members of the household.

BarbedBloom · 22/10/2019 23:08

I am not a rugby fan at all but I don't see why he can't watch it somewhere near to the cottage. So I say he is being unreasonable not to compromise when he didn't tell her the dates beforehand

Love51 · 22/10/2019 23:09

Him.
When she said she wanted to book a few days away, he should have said 'remember I'll want to watch the match on the Saturday, and it starts at lunchtime'.
He didn't tell her dates to avoid, so the clash is his fault / responsibility.

PepsiLola · 22/10/2019 23:09

The match itself is a big deal, IF England win I personally would be gutted if I'd missed it... especially to NZ.

How come SIL did not know about the match? Surely she knew the tournament was on as the last few weeks he will have been watching