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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday V Rugby who is BU

109 replies

HolidayVRugby · 22/10/2019 21:55

NC because if my family are on here I don't want them to read my other posts!

I love my brother and my Sil equally (sil was my friend first) I did tell them I was going to ask the people in my phone anyway.

Brother is a MASSIVE rugby fan, used to play, watches and is generally obsessed. From chats with my sil he is a good husband and since children only goes to one club match a year (used to be a season ticket holder) BUT religiously watches (no longer attends) six nations and world cup matches at his old club. He says this is his hobby, he has cut it down loads and it matters to him. Sil has always accepted this.
However
Sil wanted to go away for a few days this half term. Brother said great he would love to (he did not say any day he couldn't go) SIL books three nights away at a cottage about three hours away and tells brother.
Brother says great but they will have to leave very early Saturday morning as he wants to watch the England match (Semi final) at the club.
SIL is furious that they will lose their last day, Brother says she knew it was a world cup year and a semi final against the All Blacks is massive and he wants to watch it with friends (sil won't watch kids too small)

So who is BU?

OP posts:
cherryblossomgin · 23/10/2019 07:46

I think SIL should compromise and let B go watch the match at the club, she gets a couple of days away and he gets to watch his game. If it was my DH I wouldn't mind as it's his break as well and he has his wants too.

I do think B should of told SIL though and told her dates he can do, she isn't a mind reader.

LakieLady · 23/10/2019 07:48

Hmmmm. Tricky one.

He should really have told her to avoid all rugby WC dates, as there's no way of knowing who'll be in the last few rounds, but it's such a big thing, I don't really think he's BU.

As a compromise, couldn't he take himself off to a sports pub with a big screen, and watch it there? Places like that often have a fantastic atmosphere and rugby fans are very friendly and welcoming.

I was on holiday in Wales when Wales were doing well in the (then!) 5 Nations, so we drove to Cardiff and watched the game in a pub in the city centre. We were made incredibly welcome, despite being English, and had a great time (especially me, as I wasn't driving and ended up pissed as a fart because our new Welsh friends kept buying us drinks Grin)

cassgate · 23/10/2019 07:50

I can appreciate it’s annoying to have to cut short the holiday but she should have checked before booking. My dh has a season ticket to a premier league football team, he has only ever missed 2 home matches in the 27 years we have been together. We left our uk holiday this year at ridiculous o clock in the morning as it was the 1st game of the season. Fixtures were not out when we booked it and we knew it was a possibility that it would be first game of the season. He also left me and the kids on holiday abroad to go to the champions league final. Again when we booked it we had no idea his team would get that far so we just organised separate flights for him to get to Madrid from where we were and lost the money for the flight we had already booked. I came back with the kids on my own and met him at the airport as his flight landed about an hour after ours. I think she just needs to suck it up because it sounds like he has sacrificed a lot of his hobby already for the sake of his family and it’s important to him.

0lapislazuli · 23/10/2019 08:09

It’s half term. They are going on a holiday as a family and he just wants to sit in front of the telly instead of doing something fun with his kids? Nice priorities.

BarbaraofSeville · 23/10/2019 08:23

When did she book? Why would she be expected to know the date of an event that she is not interested in and whether or not it clashes with the holiday?

She asked him if the proposed trip away on those dates were OK and he said yes.

It turns out that he didn't do proper and thorough thinking before answering the question and now he is expecting everyone to get up at the crack of dawn so that he can get to the club in time for the game. HIBU.

CravingCheese · 23/10/2019 08:26

How about a compromise and your BIL goes and watches the game at a local pub?

Or could he watch the game at their holiday cottage?

I don't know how exactly that conversation went.
But he should have mentioned that the world cup dates wouldn't work for him.
And cutting a family holiday short for rugby seems unreasonable to me.

confusedandemployed · 23/10/2019 08:28

This is a huge rugby weekend and the RWC happens once every 4 years. Can't see why she couldn't just have checked the dates beforehand.

That saying, now that it's done I don't see why he can't watch it on holiday.

BarbaraofSeville · 23/10/2019 08:32

Can't see why she couldn't just have checked the dates beforehand

She did. He is the one interested in rugby, so he is the one responsible for working out whether there is any rugby on the dates she asked him about.

Theresnobslikeshowbs · 23/10/2019 08:33

I’m on your db’s side for this one! I never miss a seven nations game- and with friends in a club is always better!

@LakieLady Hope you enjoyed your time in Cardiff, it’s always a brilliant day! I’ve sat with English, Irish, french, Scottish and Italian new friends over the years during the games. It’s part of the atmosphere, teams all sat mixed up, no one side of the pub for one team, and the other side for the other. You sit where there’s a free seat, and get to know your new friends lol

user1493494961 · 23/10/2019 08:36

I'm with him, it's a massive game.

JacquesHammer · 23/10/2019 08:39

I think notwithstanding the fact that communication on both sides was slightly lacking, I think I would be on brother’s “side” for this.

Especially as he “used to play” which suggests he stopped and gave up his season ticket for family life. Sounds like he has made good compromises in the past so I think it’s fair to enable him to watch the game on this occasion.

misspiggy19 · 23/10/2019 08:53

He should have told her if there were dates to avoid. Why should the onus be on her to check for dates of something she isn't going to be watching? I wouldn't have a clue when the semi-final is on and would expect the person wanting to watch it to speak up.

^This. He is being unreasonable

ElizaDee · 23/10/2019 09:43

Bil is being unreasonable. He can watch it anywhere it's showing..

goalpie2 · 23/10/2019 10:38

Sod him. You go with your sister in law, I bet you're better company

Pukkatea · 23/10/2019 10:46

Ah man, cutting short a holiday and England will probably lose...

Goricki19 · 23/10/2019 10:53

Difficult because it’s not like his club is the only place showing it,however I understand it’s much better craic with your friends especially if they win!

Could they take two separate cars like suggested by other posters ? Or could he return on public transport? (After he has helped pack up the car so his wife and kids can enjoy their day too)

Scrumptiousbears · 23/10/2019 13:36

She should have clarified the dates and time with him. Even if my DP agreed to come time away I'd clarify the details before I booked.

I'd be gutted though.

Brefugee · 23/10/2019 13:53

Oh this is a tricky one along the lines of the philosopher's trolley problem.

I think your DB has made some fairly hefty sacrifices and it is very clear that he is a Big Rugby Fan. I also think that SiL booking a short break at half term wouldn't have been expecting to have to factor in an unexpected semi-final (ok, I expected it and so did die-hard England fans).

Depending how far away they live a bit of a drive. Presumably DB going to the club then picking up the rest of the family after the match might be an issue if he drinks beer too.

Neither is BU and it's a shitty situation. But England will get slaughtered so no need to watch. And if they win, then he can watch the final in a week's time.

Londonmummy66 · 23/10/2019 13:53

Can't he leave early and make his own way to the rugby club and SIL come back at the normal time with the DC?

AryaStarkWolf · 23/10/2019 13:56

hhhhmmm i don't know, I can see both their sides really. I quite like a bit of sport myself and a biggie like that I totally get. Any way they could change the dates a bit, go a day earlier and come back a day earlier?

CalamityJune · 23/10/2019 14:01

I think if she knew him at all she should have checked the fixtures really. It is a huge game and he has cut back his engagement to be there for his family througout the year. Of course watching it by yourself is no comparison to watching with friends at the rugby club Hmm

If they can come back separately, that would surely be the better option all round. Is there no public transport option?

Purpleartichoke · 23/10/2019 14:58

If he is intent on cutting the holiday short, maybe SIL should leave the kids with him and have a solo holiday. That way he isn’t traveling during his game and she gets a break. (Bringing the kids with her solo is not a break, it’s a work trip)

PurpleTrilby · 23/10/2019 15:05

They both cocked up. He should have remembered to say, fine, but not xyz dates, ie this coming weekend. She should not have booked anything without that final check about dates with him and anyone else who may have plans on odd days. It's not about being a PA to him, it's about the check, check, check you have to do with any booking like that, whether at work or home, family or friends' get togethers. Go ahead and book it without a final check and this is what happens! I'll stop short of saying she should know the dates of matches, but really? After being married to him etc, she doesn't even think about that and do a quick check of the dates on the world cup website that immediately scrolls you down to the next matches to be played?? I'm a massive rugby fan so am going to agree with him though... C'MON ENGLAND AND WALES!! Even though yeah, the All Blacks are going to hammer us, it will still be fun.

mbosnz · 23/10/2019 15:25

Um, I'm sorry, I'm siding with him here. But I'm a leedle bit biased!

Also, I don't think the All Blacks are going to slaughter England. I'm fricking terrified we won't, lol. Thank goodness it's half term the week after, or there could have been violence and murder done in the schoolyard. . .

Original poster
Holidayvrugby · 23/10/2019 15:40

@Northernparent68 Halloween Hmm family and friends talk to each other, discuss stuff. I told them I was going to ask the people in my phone as they don't use forums (mu other sister and mum do hence NC)

@Drogosnextwife I'm sorry but your husband is a twat and I would certainly tell my brother he was being if he was like your husband (who incidentally I think you should leave, that is not a partnership)

OP posts:
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