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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday V Rugby who is BU

109 replies

HolidayVRugby · 22/10/2019 21:55

NC because if my family are on here I don't want them to read my other posts!

I love my brother and my Sil equally (sil was my friend first) I did tell them I was going to ask the people in my phone anyway.

Brother is a MASSIVE rugby fan, used to play, watches and is generally obsessed. From chats with my sil he is a good husband and since children only goes to one club match a year (used to be a season ticket holder) BUT religiously watches (no longer attends) six nations and world cup matches at his old club. He says this is his hobby, he has cut it down loads and it matters to him. Sil has always accepted this.
However
Sil wanted to go away for a few days this half term. Brother said great he would love to (he did not say any day he couldn't go) SIL books three nights away at a cottage about three hours away and tells brother.
Brother says great but they will have to leave very early Saturday morning as he wants to watch the England match (Semi final) at the club.
SIL is furious that they will lose their last day, Brother says she knew it was a world cup year and a semi final against the All Blacks is massive and he wants to watch it with friends (sil won't watch kids too small)

So who is BU?

OP posts:

MrsJoshNavidi · 22/10/2019 23:10

There is NO WAY I would miss either the England or Wales rugby marches this weekend!!

sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/10/2019 23:10

Nothing wrong with keeping a season ticket when you have children. It is not every week and o ly a couple of hours unless you make an evening of it afterwards. Far less time consuming than many hobbies.

bridgetreilly · 22/10/2019 23:12

To be fair, the last morning of a holiday in a cottage is always a bit rubbish because it's mostly packing and cleaning.

PepsiLola · 22/10/2019 23:14

Could SIL not call up the cottage and ask to move it a day forward?

Icecreambaby · 22/10/2019 23:19

He is a fan and it's world cup, I side with him. I personally would not find it an issue to come back earlier. We always juggle with many things so I would take it as another thing that needs to be fit in. A trip 3 hours away does not seem to me it's going to be their holiday of a lifetime anyway.

heartsonacake · 22/10/2019 23:23

He is being VVU. If there’s something he didn’t want to miss, he should have made that clear to SIL. He didn’t, so he should suck it up.

Inkstainedmags · 22/10/2019 23:25

Why should the onus be on her to check for dates of something she isn't going to be watching?

I don't think it's humanly possible to be less interested in sports than I am but I am married to a rugby fan and if I had the cheek to suggested a holiday to somewhere other than the host country during the rugby world cup I would not book anything without checking the dates, either by googling the schedule myself or asking DH.

It's every four years. It gets priority.

NotGreatBob · 22/10/2019 23:40

He’s being unreasonable as he can clearly watch the game at the cottage on TV. It’s on so early that I doubt he’ll miss much ‘pub atmosphere’. It’s a compromise, it’s what adults do.

Then again I am Welsh.

MrsDragonLady · 22/10/2019 23:43

I have to say your SIL is being unreasonable. It’s once every 4 years that the World Cup happens. If their family is anything like ours, it’s been talked about for months beforehand! My husband and middle two sons all play, and we will all be at the club on Saturday morning to watch the match. My youngest is a year old and has been going to the club since he was 2 days old! Rugby is one of the few sports that is really family friendly. Everyone knows everyone and the atmosphere of watching a match surrounded by your friends is totally different to watching it at home or in a random pub.

NotGreatBob · 22/10/2019 23:46

Oh I’ve just read that he wanted to watch it at the rugby club. Hmm, still being unreasonable. The atmosphere will sour as the all blacks bring the smack down, anyway

macpumpkin1 · 22/10/2019 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 23/10/2019 00:08

Does depend how the conversation went.
I certainly don't think he is unreasonable in wanting to watch it at the clubhouse. Of course he wouldn't have known England were playing that day, but I presume he would have wanted to watch the semi even if they weren't ?
He should have been clear though, when she was talking about booking days away that he would want to be at the club when the semis were being played, and let her know the dates, but eqqually, it would make sense, once she found somewhere to show him and double check before paying out and booking it.

I don't like rugby and won't be watching, but totally get that he prefers to watch it with his mates. That is a big part of the whole thing, and, as you've stated, he's cut back completely from what he used to do, due to the changing dynamics of being a Dad.

melj1213 · 23/10/2019 01:03

My family are hugely into our sports (football and rugby mainly) so we would never organize something during big events like World Cups/Euros/Six Nations etc. My Ex is not into sports and so was never bothered.

When we were together, whilst he may not have known the specific dates/fixtures, he would know enough from me talking about the big events (and the general sports news) that if he was going to book some time away then he would consult the fixtures or at the very least the conversation would go:

Ex: I was thinking of looking into going away for part of half term
Me: Sounds good, let me know if you find any good deals.
Ex: is DDs drama class still on on Wednesday or is it off for the half term? Also, what days are the World Cup fixtures this week?
Me: DDs drama class is term time only so we can go then, but her swimming class is still on Monday tea time and the World cup fixtures are Saturday and Sunday so Tuesday-Friday are the best days for a midweek break somewhere

midnightmisssuki · 23/10/2019 01:16

i would side with him - surely she should know him well by now to know he won't miss a match?

MLMhun · 23/10/2019 01:22

It‘the once in every 4 years World Cup, I am with him!

SnowsInWater · 23/10/2019 01:31

I'm with him. Unless she has been under a rock for the past few weeks she knows the World Cup is on, it doesn't really matter who is playing he is going to want to watch the semis and finals with his mates.

Swishyswash · 23/10/2019 02:23

We're on holiday. DH has worked out that the match on Saturday starts at 4am local time.
I will be remaining in bed, while he heads to the bar where he'll hopefully watch the match.

greenlavender · 23/10/2019 03:26

I'm on your DB's side. He sounds very reasonable in general & it's a WC.

AgentJohnson · 23/10/2019 03:58

They are both being silly for making assumptions and need to communicate better.

Purpleartichoke · 23/10/2019 04:10

It’s his job to give her blackout dates. He didn’t. He she not truncate the holiday for the rest of the family because he couldn’t be bothered to make a list of dates he would prefer not to travel.

FenceFuckery · 23/10/2019 04:31

If it’s any consolation, my DH is currently on a plane heading to Tokyo for the weekend. I’m left FT working and parenting for a week so he can go on a junket.

Shoxfordian · 23/10/2019 04:46

Bit of miscommunication in both directions here. He should have reminded her he wanted to go to the club this weekend and she should have asked him what dates to avoid. The world cup has been on for a while now so she could have noticed it.

He's unreasonable for wanting them to drive home super early, they'd be better off coming back Friday or him watching it there before check out on Saturday

OhTheManatee · 23/10/2019 04:49

He's being unreasonable. It's great that she's happy with him watching games at the club (while she takes care of the kids) but he's responsible for letting her know what dates they are, regardless of the holiday. If he had, she wouldn't have booked those dates.
If he hadn't already let her know he was going to the club that day, then when she said about going away at half term he should have mentioned it.
Why should it be her responsibility to know the dates of matches she can't watch because she's looking after their young kids?

Gwiwer · 23/10/2019 05:10

Were it me, I would not have booked until I'd run the plans past my DP first. I think there's a missed step between DB saying he'd be up for going away for a few days and a booking being made.

SimonJT · 23/10/2019 05:49

I’m on your partners side, but then I am in Japan right now as we flew over to watch a game.

Can you drive to the cottage in two cars (if you have two) so he can leave early on the saturday?

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