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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday V Rugby who is BU

109 replies

HolidayVRugby · 22/10/2019 21:55

NC because if my family are on here I don't want them to read my other posts!

I love my brother and my Sil equally (sil was my friend first) I did tell them I was going to ask the people in my phone anyway.

Brother is a MASSIVE rugby fan, used to play, watches and is generally obsessed. From chats with my sil he is a good husband and since children only goes to one club match a year (used to be a season ticket holder) BUT religiously watches (no longer attends) six nations and world cup matches at his old club. He says this is his hobby, he has cut it down loads and it matters to him. Sil has always accepted this.
However
Sil wanted to go away for a few days this half term. Brother said great he would love to (he did not say any day he couldn't go) SIL books three nights away at a cottage about three hours away and tells brother.
Brother says great but they will have to leave very early Saturday morning as he wants to watch the England match (Semi final) at the club.
SIL is furious that they will lose their last day, Brother says she knew it was a world cup year and a semi final against the All Blacks is massive and he wants to watch it with friends (sil won't watch kids too small)

So who is BU?

OP posts:
AnOojamaflip · 23/10/2019 06:00

She knows he wont miss a match and she knows there's a world cup on now (by being married to him and his interest you'd have thought it would have sunk in).

Hardly a difficulty to check the exact dates with him just before booking. He said yes to time period, there's several places 'a few days' can fit into a week, most of them don't involve Saturday.

Plus he's not refusing to go on the holiday he wants to come back early (very, very early it'll be too!!).

BouleBaker · 23/10/2019 06:10

We have a similar dynamic with football. DH is responsible for making sure fixtures are in the shared calendar and games he is going to are clearly marked. It’s not my job to second guess him! Having said that, I wouldn’t have booked dates for a holiday without running the specific dates by him.

In this scenario we’d swear a bit then we’d take 2 cars so he could leave early, or he’d Make his own way back by public transport.

Whatisthisfuckery · 23/10/2019 06:18

Can’t he listen on the radio in the car? I know it’s his special thing and all but is watching in a certain place with certain people that important? It’s not even the final.

I don’t think he’s being that U but then I’d probably be a bit miffed if I was his wife. It was me missing my football team’s big match I’d be upset, but if I could listen in the car I’d probably not cry too much, but then my football team would only go and lose anyway.

AliciaQuays · 23/10/2019 06:19

They’re both being tits. Let him return alone

CravingCheese · 23/10/2019 06:29

He should have remembered her.
it's his hobby, he's the one to track world cups games etc....

He agreed to going away but didn't mention the rugby.... Which is (at least imo) definitely on him.

AuntieStella · 23/10/2019 06:37

There are threads like these about every huge sporting fixture.

SIL does not have to be his PA to be considerate. And I think she made a mistake in not running the final dates past him. Anyone who takes on the task of making a family booking should do this for all adults (and also teenage DC). If she does not want to take on that part of the task, then she should ask him to make bookings in future.

It is a massive match, for those who do not follow the rugby it is the biggest England fixture for 4 years. Watching with your mates at the club is totally different form just following the telly (even if you have a huge one, on radio or online)

He usually forgoes many fixtures (hardly ever attending actual matches) because he is not an arse, and he is a normal participant in family life.

But thinks once every 4 years is exceptional enough. I'm with him.

If SIL does not want an early start, then he leaves late the previous evening.

And yes, when there is a major tournament underway, it's probably better to know the key points than get nasty surprises. Some see this as being a doormat, others as part of the give and take of consideration within a family.

timeisnotaline · 23/10/2019 06:47

Saying can we go away at half term IS checking dates. She’s not the PA. He will watch it at club I’m sure, but tell brother and SIL he can book all holidays for the next year (or if they don’t holiday very often the next couple of years). I really hope they do this as this is very much ‘my secretary should bloody do ALL my thinking for me.’

KatherineJaneway · 23/10/2019 06:50

Sil can't have been ignorant of the dates she booked clashing with the world cup final. I'd say she did it on purpose.

AuntieStella · 23/10/2019 06:55

There are lots of days in half term, checking dates means saying which days before they are booked.

We don't actually know the contents of their conversations about this though. I find the speculation by ViciousJackdaw realistic, plausible and likely.

And just as valid as a knee-jerk 'DH must be wrong'

Ragwort · 23/10/2019 07:01

Agree with nearly everyone else that it’s difficult without knowing the exact conversation... both should have communicated better.

CravingCheese · 23/10/2019 07:04

Saying can we go away at half term IS checking dates. She’s not the PA

I agree. He should have reminded her.
'but remember the world cup dates' would have been enough....

And I disagree with those saying that she should have known anyway. My DH is really into football. I myself have honestly no appreciation for the beautiful game. It's much too boring.

World cup, European chamonionship, championsleague... I don't keep track.
Jus tlkke DH couldn't tell you what colour of lipstick I'm currently using... 🤷🏻‍♀️

countrygirl99 · 23/10/2019 07:04

Even if I had been given blackout dates I would have run the destination and accomodation details past DH before booking, as he would if he was booking. So both unreasonable.

PrincessRaven · 23/10/2019 07:09

It’s his job to give her blackout dates. He didn’t.

This

Also, my dh watches the rugby, but this is the first I knew that england are in the semi, and it's on Saturday. . I'm not interested, and dont care, so haven't registered the dates.

He should have not assumed she knew, and should have said. How many and how old are the DC?

timeisnotaline · 23/10/2019 07:15

My dh has been watching the rugby. I’ve not a clue. I saw WA on the score and thought it might be the wallabies. I can barely remember his bosses names and he mentions them every day or so. He’s the same for me. Each of us maintaining a job, life, parenting and otherwise pulling our weight at home is hard enough, you can’t also stay closely intertwined with the details of the others plans and schedule, it’s their job to inform you.

VikingVolva · 23/10/2019 07:17

So, both in the wrong.

The person who is doing the admin should make a proper check of actual dates before finalising the booking. All others in the household who might have independent plans should mention then as soon as possible journey not plans are aired.

If she does not wish to be PA, then she should not be making the bookings in the first place. Having taken up the task, it should be done to PA standards, which include that last check before finalising. There is no reason why he should not carry out the task in future.

BadLad · 23/10/2019 07:21

It is a massive match, for those who do not follow the rugby it is the biggest England fixture for 4 years.

Twelve years. Their last more important fixture was the final in 2007.

Vulpine · 23/10/2019 07:21

Anyone who puts watching sport over family holiday is a cock.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 23/10/2019 07:23

I hate most sport although can tolerate England in the rugby. I think she is unreasonable since he doesn’t sound like he takes the piss. On the other hand he doesn’t have to watch it in the club, he could watch it anywhere in the world. Because it’s the World Cup.

araiwa · 23/10/2019 07:27

So leaving a bit early on saturday morning is a good compromise

Whats the problem?

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/10/2019 07:30

He should have mentioned the game (The world cup has been on for weeks, if Rugby isn't your priority you wouldn't necessarily know how stretched out it is)
She should have said something before booking.

Sometimes real life gets in the way of sport. He can still eatch it, but not where he would ideally want to. We were supposed to be hosting a party last week for the Quarter Final. Our younger DD was ill so we had to cancel. But we were all grown ups and managed to watch it on our own TVs instead.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 23/10/2019 07:32

@araiwa it's at 9am. It would be a very early start.

Northernparent68 · 23/10/2019 07:34

I have n’t read the whole thread, but I think it’s a huge mistake to get so over involved in your brother’s life and to be honest a bit unhealthy. Are you really going to arbitrate in their row ?

Men who go running to their mothers when there’s a problem in the marriageare, understandably, ridiculed on this site. A married woman involving her friend in a row with the friends brother is nt much better.

Drogosnextwife · 23/10/2019 07:37

My dp plays football and we have to work everything around that. Holidays, birthdays, days out. Infact I'm usually left alone for any parties we have for the kids for their birthdays, if we have them on a Saturday. It's just a given that he gets 2 night a week and a full Saturday at football. Doesn't care if I have something on, I am responsible for getting someone else to look after the kids apparently, he would NEVER take any time off for us. Even when his child was in hospital for a week he still considered going until the game was cancelled. It's fucking shit and I really grudge it, so I'm siding with your SIL. DB is being unreasonable and selfish and your SIL should tell him he can get a train home if it's that important to him. That's what I've started doing.

OldEvilOwl · 23/10/2019 07:38

He is being unreasonable. He can watch it at the cottage. The clocks change this weekend so early will be even earlier too.

OldEvilOwl · 23/10/2019 07:39

Just seen England game is sat so clocks irrelevant. I was thinking of the Wales match on Sunday (which is far more important 😬)