to be unwilling to shag randomly?

[chakra2]

So, I have a personal belief that sex is really intimate and not something I want to engage in with people who don’t care about me or that I barely know. Mates think I've lost the plot with this way of living my life.
Obviously this is about how I choose to live MY life — what other people choose is their business. However, my female friends think I’m basically nuts to only want sex with a person I love. One friend said sex is “just a bodily function, like urinating or drinking a glass of water” and that you should shag a guy on the 1st date if possible to see whether he’s any good or not and whether you’re compatible before investing time in going out with him again.
Another friend said she’s surprised men even date me at all given that they’re not getting any sex for at least 3 or so months while I get to know them. Am told my behaviour belongs in the 1950s

@IndieTara

What specifically does he do with regard to parenting?
Is he not trying to make you raise her Muslim?

As I mentioned in an earlier comment my ex refused to even acknowledge his child with me. While I was pregnant he was busy grooming his next a victim -- a teenage Muslim girl. Maybe that's actually the best thing in the long run.

YANBU

muslim friends have told me that according to their culture/religion a woman who sleeps with a man before marriage is considered a "whore"

Strange how there are no nasty words for the muslim man who gets his dick wet before marriage...

@chakra2 honestly there's so much that he's done over the years that it's just too much to list here and I'm conscious this de rails your original post.
I do wonder though if your ex hasn't acknowledged your child it might be for the best in the long run.
I was married to mine so different circumstances, but yes he insists DD is Muslim

@bd67th ah mine covered himself by firstly getting us a 'fake' wedding certificate but which was drawn up by a solicitor in his country ( where I was living and working at the time ) and then they admit they'll never get to Paradise but can redeem themselves through their children. Hence insisting DD is Muslim.

You are right OP so do what feel best for you.

I've never been a sex with no emotions woman. Just not me.

I also don't understand your friends 'rating' men's performance to see if they are 'any good'. Most first time sex is often awful and men suffer from anxiety about their 'performance' because of these expectations women perpetuate ( ie 'are they any good.)

In a loving relationship, a couple can work towards mutual satisfaction as log as they are both invested in that.

People usually know if there is a spark and chemistry before they dive under the duvet.

Each to their own of course .

mine covered himself by firstly getting us a 'fake' wedding certificate

So he lied to you that you were married and then still has the nerve to call you "whore"? I think you and DD need to be as far from him as possible and he can forget about having any say in what faith (if any) you raise your daughter as.

Whatever happened to Romance, has it gone out of fashion

I actually think it's dangerous to perpetuate the linking of sex and romance without any nuance to it.

A few of my friends went along with various sexual pressures, including losing their virginity, with teen boyfriends saying that they loved them, didn't they love him back, if you loved me you'd do this etc.

I merrily lost mine with a 'one night stand' I took home from the club. A guy I knew, but wasn't in a relationship with, who I trusted, and who I wanted to have sex with.

It escalated a bit from there (12 years together and married now).

That was my choice and I made it, and doubtless many people have had successful and romantic wooings too.

You need to be a good judge of character, clear headed, know what you want, be prepared to ask for it, and be lucky. It's not easy!