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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I've been a complete fool?

128 replies

KanelbulleKing · 22/10/2019 12:09

My DS is 6 and autistic. He's a very quiet, gentle child who is often a bit invisible because he doesn't assert himself. He goes to mainstream school but doesn't really have any friends. He'll happily join in games with the other kids but is always kind of on the fringes, not quite connecting with the others. He's never been invited to a play date or a birthday party but I think that's because he's never in anyone's inner circle.

So I was really pleased when over the summer he got a few invitations to go to a local theme park. He had a lovely time and I was really grateful that he was included.

It's half term next week and the theme park is doing halloween stuff all week. Again DS has been invited by 2 families for definite and 1 not yet confirmed. Wonderful, or so I thought. I mentioned it to my friend earlier and she pointed out that the park has a new policy for disabled visitors whereby they get an exit pass and can take 5 other people with them.

What a fucking idiot am I? DS is being invited so that they get to jump the queues. I feel like crying at the thought of him being used, but at the same time he's more than happy to go. So I guess this is more a WWYD, put a stop to it as they're exploiting him or allow it to continue as it's mutually beneficial? My head is a mess.

OP posts:

MrsBungle · 22/10/2019 15:11

Glad to hear it, hope he has a lovely time

Beamur · 22/10/2019 15:11

Nice update OP. Your son is the good influence and is being invited because he is wanted.

Samosaurus · 22/10/2019 15:22

How lovely that your son is the boy the other parents want their children to hang out with :) I would, though, in your position be questioning the motives of your 'friend' who caused you such stress by suggesting your son was just a way of getting freebies.

cstaff · 22/10/2019 15:26

Ah that is such a sweet update OP.

SabineSchmetterling · 22/10/2019 15:44

What a lovely update. I’m really glad talking to her has put your mind at rest.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 22/10/2019 15:47

Lovely update

I was of the view that as long as your DS was benefiting from the experience it doesn’t really matter what their original motivation was.

Don’t underestimate the value of having experiences to talk about that you’ve shared with your classmates. I took DS2 and one of his friends to see the last Avengers film when it came out because I knew a lot of his class would be talking about it. The first thing we heard when we dropped him at school the next morning were people talking about the film. When your DS goes to the theme park with his friends then he can be part of any discussions in school. It gives him a shared experience with them.

Halestorm · 22/10/2019 15:48

Or maybe it's just some nice mums noticing that your DS was on the fringes of friendship groups, noticed what a nice boy he seems to be and are trying to be nice?
I try to steer my DS towards the kids who find it harder to make friends -for whatever reason. I was marginalised and bullied myself in primary school so I know how it feels and I teach my DS to include those who are on the sidelines.

Bluerussian · 22/10/2019 15:51

Thanks for the update op, that is good to know.

Slappadabass · 22/10/2019 15:55

I'm so happy for you and your little boy! I hope he makes some good friends :-)

BlingLoving · 22/10/2019 15:59

Great update. I was going to say that even if they were inviting him for that reason, I'd say that the theme park's policy is one that can lead to helping children in this situation create friends so it's actually a win win.

And it's lovely that everyone wants their children to be friends with him. I hope he had a fabulous time.

notthemum · 22/10/2019 16:01

RhiWrites
I think this is a brilliant idea.
Please do this.
Let us know what they say.

notthemum · 22/10/2019 16:05

Sorry cross posted. I am really pleased for both of you and hope he has a lovely time.

Collision · 22/10/2019 16:07

Great update.

I would have thought the same so I’m glad we were wrong.

ddl1 · 22/10/2019 16:07

I doubt it somehow. Partly just because people tend to have a rather rigid view of what 'disability' means, especially in this sort of context, and tend to see it as limited to mobility impairments. Thus if your child used a wheelchair or crutches, they might be more likely to think 'oh, we can get accommodations with that' but they are less likely to think so with regard to an invisible disability such as autism. And honestly: unless the queues are absolutely enormous, I really doubt that they'd invite your child JUST so as to jump the queues if they didn't really want him there. The person I'd be feeling a bit uneasy about right now is your 'friend' who told you this. At best, they seem to have a rather negative and cynical attitude to other people; at worst they may be deliberately trying to stir up trouble.

Collision · 22/10/2019 16:07

@ddl1 RTT

ddl1 · 22/10/2019 16:08

Just saw your update! Great news! Hope your son has a lovely time!

Branleuse · 22/10/2019 16:21

Honestly, if your kid is having a good time then I wouldnt worry about it.
If they are taking your child to a theme park for the day, thats lovely. If he is with some friends, then thats brilliant. If they are getting a queue pass for going with your son, then thats fab, that makes it worth their while a bit, cos taking 5 kids must be hard work.

My kids have SEN, and while I know youre probably a bit paranoid because of past experience, I think theres a lot of benefit to just enjoying things for what they are.

bumblingbovine49 · 22/10/2019 16:35

As a parent of an autistic teenage DS, I agreee with Blanktimes I'm afraid. He too thought he liked theme parks when he was younger but he was very overstimulated and would often get upset about things when I took him and I knew what he could cope with.

I would NEVER have let him go with other families without me or DH there as he would not have been happy (though he would never have told me that at 6 years old)

Whenever I took him, we would leave after about 2-3 hrs as this was all he could happily do, despite the high cost. No other family I knew would have been willing to do that.

bumblingbovine49 · 22/10/2019 16:35

Just seen the update. glad it worked out.

PearlsBeforeWine · 22/10/2019 16:45

OP, my 6 year old sounds exactly the same.... I do get a bit over sensitive over these things. It's understandable. Have a lovely time..

MintyMabel · 22/10/2019 16:52

@100PercentThatBitch

It is the OP. She is choosing to believe her friend over the people who have been kind enough to invite her son out.

100PercentThatBitch · 22/10/2019 17:06

But at least it's all worked out

Coyoacan · 22/10/2019 17:51

I'm so glad you got it sorted. Frankly, even if they were "using" him, if he enjoyed himself and was well-treated, I wouldn't personally fuss.

Moominfan · 22/10/2019 19:30

I'm so glad it's turned out well op!

Dinoctoblock · 22/10/2019 20:11

I’m glad you’ve got to the bottom of it OP. I was going to come on and say that there is no way I’d be taking anyone other than the very nicest and most well behaved children on a day trip to a theme park and I’m sure that’s why your DC was chosen. Seems I was right!

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