to think I've been a complete fool?

[KanelbulleKing]

My DS is 6 and autistic. He's a very quiet, gentle child who is often a bit invisible because he doesn't assert himself. He goes to mainstream school but doesn't really have any friends. He'll happily join in games with the other kids but is always kind of on the fringes, not quite connecting with the others. He's never been invited to a play date or a birthday party but I think that's because he's never in anyone's inner circle.

So I was really pleased when over the summer he got a few invitations to go to a local theme park. He had a lovely time and I was really grateful that he was included.

It's half term next week and the theme park is doing halloween stuff all week. Again DS has been invited by 2 families for definite and 1 not yet confirmed. Wonderful, or so I thought. I mentioned it to my friend earlier and she pointed out that the park has a new policy for disabled visitors whereby they get an exit pass and can take 5 other people with them.

What a fucking idiot am I? DS is being invited so that they get to jump the queues. I feel like crying at the thought of him being used, but at the same time he's more than happy to go. So I guess this is more a WWYD, put a stop to it as they're exploiting him or allow it to continue as it's mutually beneficial? My head is a mess.

Op if that's what they're doing then they're truly awful people. I work as a Carer and whenever we go to venues I have to show my ID

Just spotted the bit about the bracelet.

Still find it strange. We've been to a lot of theme parks around the world and every one of them asks for documented proof. Even though DD is in a wheelchair and clearly disabled we still need to provide proof. It can't be too hard to get a fake alert bracelet.

Awful of you to assume this is their reasoning

It's not the OP @MintyMabel the OP took it at face value, it is a "friends" opinion - obviously not a nice one.

MintyMabel and others who keep saying this, the OP has explained upthread that in her country a disc bracelet like medicalert is accepted by the park, on sight, on the day.

I don't think inviting on a day out but not other things is necessarily a red flag.
My dc have all had friends that I've tended to do specific things with.
For example, one of mine had a very quiet friend who hardly spoke and tended to just shake her head when offered anything. For her we took her to the cinema/theatre a few times because it worked well with her, no decisions, no awkward silences and things to do the whole time.
Could just as easily be parents talking "My dc's asking to have X over. He's ever so quiet, and I don't think they play much together, so I'm a bit nervous about inviting him." "Oh we took him to the theme park, and he was lovely. Really good day."

Even if he is being used, then actually they are taking him out with the other children and, unless he's having a miserable time, he's getting to know the other children and their parents which can only be a good thing.
I have a dc with a disability and she will offer herself for such things. She sees it as a bonus that she might as well make use of. And she sometimes gets a carer in free too so it's gain all round.

the OP has explained upthread that in her country a disc bracelet like medicalert is accepted by the park, on sight, on the day.

But you can order the medicalert bracelets really easily without proof (I ordered one for an elderly friend) and they're not even expensive-less than paying for an extra child once if prices are similar to the ones round here.
In which case surely the host families would just buy one they could wear for the trip if they're only using the Op's ds. Much simpler.

If you invite the kids to yours or to an event with your son do they come or is it only a one way theme park thing?

Your friend is a shit stirring bitch to say this! Does she think your son is so unlikeable that no one is interested in him other than to use him like this? She is no friend!
He is happy and that is all that matters. If he hadn’t been treated well, and had a good time surely he would tell you? Plus, if he has been invited a second time by any family, that shows that they like him coming with them. Nobody would take a child, even if it did benefit them on the rides, if they didn’t like him!

Let him go and put this thought out of your mind. You don’t want to spoil his chances of having good friends.

Drop into the conversation that he's lot his disc alert bracelet and see what happens.

lost, not lot.

I think Blank is right. If they're only inviting him to the theme park and not to anything else, then they are probably doing it for the wrong reason. It's pretty horrible. Don't know what to suggest, though. If he's enjoying it, you don't want to take away something that gives him pleasure. It would be worth dropping a hint that shows you know what they're up to, though.

I'd be careful. It might not even be true. Just be happy that hes found some nice friends.

Does he only get invited to theme parks OP or have these families invited him to other things?

If it is only theme parks then I don’t think your friend is “making a leap”.

I also think your friend is trying to be a good friend. She doesn’t want them taking the piss.

How vital is his bracelet? is it an allergy thing? Or just an advisory message that won't be needed if there's always an adult on hand?

If the latter, I'd drop him off without it (not the night before - that gives them chance to say they can't be responsible for him)

Also I think it would have been better for the friend to address those families with her concern, rather than you. And tell them to stop taking advantage of him.

It's probably true and your friend likely knows it's true. It seems too coincidental not to be true. I have a severely disabled child and getting a theme park exit pass is amazing. It makes or breaks the entire day. It's much easier to get them in some overseas parks too as they just ask for a quick chat with the child and often don't need any documentary proof. I don't know what I would do in this situation though - probably let him go and be pleased that he is having a great time, with slight reluctance and a heavy heart.

Hi OP

Have not read the full thread but I have a neurodiverse son who finds it hard socialising and to be honest, whatever the motives or however morally dubious, I would still bite their hands off.
As long as your son is happy and gets something out of it and they treat him well, then it gives your son far more than it takes.
My only only concern would be if he then thought they were bffs and later got rebuffed in the playground. If that is not happening then I see it as an opportunity for fun and use them right back

Sorry I've just got back from the school run and have to go back out to swimming so haven't read all the replies but wanted to update.

I spoke to the mum who's took him a few times in summer and is taking him next week in the play ground. I said what RhiWrites suggested about taking the 'did you know ... shall I send you details' line. She said that it didn't matter as her husband gets a priority pass anyway through his work. And then being autistic myself and having no filter I blurted out that I was beginning to think he kept being invited because he can jump the queue. See, I am an idiot.

But thankfully she didn't take offense. She laughed and said it's more likely that they're trying to get their sons away from the 'naughty boy clique'. Apparently lots of parents got called in at the end of last year for a talking to as the boys in that class are getting a bit feral. Hence the sudden interest in befriending the quiet well behaved little boy.

So a storm in a teacup it seems.

aww so happy to hear that OP.

That's nice to hear!

I agree with previous posters you can't just walk in, say you have a disability and be granted a fast pass.

When I applied for one for my daughter at Legoland I had to apply 2 weeks beforehand and produce paperwork as evidence. The pass being granted was confirmed by email.

Unless your son is already registered for a disability pass at that park I just don't see how anyone without access to medical paperwork could get one.

I've just seen your lovely update.

I hope he has a great time.

Brilliant Update @KanelbulleKing

Be sure to tell that friend of yours who caused you all the unnecessary stress and downheartedness

Love the update, I'm so glad hes being invited and enjoying himself.
I'm autistic as well and my friends love going to the theme park with me. I need them to come because I need a 'carer' to use my pass to make sure I'm ok on the rides and in the park and they love rollercoasters. It's mutually beneficial. Although one of them has complained that I've ruined them for them because now they can't tolerate the lines.

"Hence the sudden interest in befriending the quiet well behaved little boy."

Well that doesn't sound great to me either!