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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I've been a complete fool?

128 replies

KanelbulleKing · 22/10/2019 12:09

My DS is 6 and autistic. He's a very quiet, gentle child who is often a bit invisible because he doesn't assert himself. He goes to mainstream school but doesn't really have any friends. He'll happily join in games with the other kids but is always kind of on the fringes, not quite connecting with the others. He's never been invited to a play date or a birthday party but I think that's because he's never in anyone's inner circle.

So I was really pleased when over the summer he got a few invitations to go to a local theme park. He had a lovely time and I was really grateful that he was included.

It's half term next week and the theme park is doing halloween stuff all week. Again DS has been invited by 2 families for definite and 1 not yet confirmed. Wonderful, or so I thought. I mentioned it to my friend earlier and she pointed out that the park has a new policy for disabled visitors whereby they get an exit pass and can take 5 other people with them.

What a fucking idiot am I? DS is being invited so that they get to jump the queues. I feel like crying at the thought of him being used, but at the same time he's more than happy to go. So I guess this is more a WWYD, put a stop to it as they're exploiting him or allow it to continue as it's mutually beneficial? My head is a mess.

OP posts:
AnybodyWantAChip · 22/10/2019 12:28

How about ringing up the day before saying, "Please keep a close eye and call me on this number if there's an issue; he slid his medic alert bracelet off in the bath and we can't find it for the moment."

What a good idea.

formerbabe · 22/10/2019 12:28

You don't know for sure.

Even if this was what they were doing, I'd be tempted to swallow my pride for the sake of my child. If he's enjoying himself and is happy, then there's no harm done to him. Yes, putting the child aside, I'd want to tell the parents to go fuck themselves... obviously!

EileenAlanna · 22/10/2019 12:29

Have these families invited him to anything else? If the kids were all getting along I'd be curious as to why the only activities he's invited to are going to this theme park.
Try inviting one or more over to your house/another activity and see how they respond.

WineGummyBear · 22/10/2019 12:30

Just seen your update that the parents and children are really nice. Maybe give them the benefit of the doubt?

TatianaLarina · 22/10/2019 12:30

Did they actually get the benefit of queue jumping in the summer?

CheshireChat · 22/10/2019 12:30

But what would the reply tell you really?

As if even if they asked him along because they like him, they're not going to say no to a priority pass, why would they? They'll just think, 'double win'

SweetEnough · 22/10/2019 12:31

I'd be tempted to go too and see, say ds was so happy last time it would be a shame for you to miss these special moments and see what they do.

It's a sad fact of life that people have and will exploit people who have a disability, as his parent you need to teach him to be aware of that but at 6 I'd probably let it slide and try to be be happy that he's included and having fun.

Doyoumind · 22/10/2019 12:31

I'm going to disagree with the majority here and say they may well be using him, awful as it is. If he's never been invited to parties or anything else but you are suddenly inundated with offers for him to go to this park it sounds suspicious. However, I do think there is a benefit to him in going so it's tricky. Do you know whether they have been able to jump the queue when he went previously? That would suggest they know his disability allows them to do that.

TheTrollFairy · 22/10/2019 12:32

Do you know when these kids birthdays are? If they have had a party between summer holidays and half term and your son hasn’t been invited then this is telling.
I was going to ask if an adult would actually exploit a child’s disability like this but then thought sadly that some would!

GrumpyHoonMain · 22/10/2019 12:32

Honestly taking a child to a theme park (disabled or not) is something nobody would do UNLESS they liked them. Your friend was a piece of shit to suggest this

100PercentThatBitch · 22/10/2019 12:32

DS having a crap time and being ignored

Except he was really enjoying his outings and his mother was relieved and delighted he was finally being included.

Now this friend has pissed all over that, basically called her deluded, and left her with an unprovable anxiety her child is being callously used.

Damntheman · 22/10/2019 12:33

Wow no don't slide off his alert bracelet just to catch these families out! :o He needs that ffs. I have an alert bracelet too, although mine is for an allergy. I wouldn't even think of taking it off, you neve know when an emergency might come.

I feel for you OP, what a thing to have to worry about. At this instance though, so long as your child is having fun, and the children of these families are also playing with your DC at other opportunities (school? Play dates?) I wouldn't put a stop to this.

TatianaLarina · 22/10/2019 12:33

It doesn’t seem so extraordinary that families might not invite the quiet kid round for tea, but would invite him on a bigger excursion to a public place.

I’d let him go either way if it benefits him.

areyoubeingserviced · 22/10/2019 12:33

Op, I would tread with caution tbh
If your son is having a great time, I wouldn’t say anything at the moment
I can’t imagine why anyone would invite a disable child to skip the queue tbh, particularly as you said that they were nice people.

TheTrollFairy · 22/10/2019 12:34

How about ringing up the day before saying, "Please keep a close eye and call me on this number if there's an issue; he slid his medic alert bracelet off in the bath and we can't find it for the moment

Don’t do this. He obviously needs the alert bracelet so taking it off him could be risky (but you probably know this)

Hesafriendfromwork · 22/10/2019 12:34

It's extremely unlikely that parents would take a child, who their child doesnt get along with to get fast passes. Kids at that age arent well known for being discreet and it would be obvious the other kids werent fussed and would make the whole day out harder.

walkintheparc · 22/10/2019 12:35

Can you just check with your son (without raising suspicion) whether they got to queue jump and got special entry last time?

Maybe they didn't at all - maybe they just like your son and he was well behaved last time, so a good candidate to take again. Don't let your insecurity ruin it for your son!

BritishIslesNotUKorROI · 22/10/2019 12:37

If he's enjoying it and being included, regardless of why, let him go. Ok, they could be really skanky people if this is why. But at least your son enjoys himself.

CaptainTurdseye · 22/10/2019 12:39

I have children with ASD and I’m surprised you’re happy to let your child go to a theme park without you being present. Especially if you don’t know the parents well enough to discuss exit passes. That said, I would offer proof of disability and see what transpires

Jaxhog · 22/10/2019 12:40

If he will have a good time, does it matter?

He had a lovely time last time, so it wasn't as if he was ignored or made to feel bad! Also, you have no proof, just a nasty person telling you tales.

SpinySue · 22/10/2019 12:41

So is he going on one trip along with 2 other families or have 2 separate families invited him on 2 separate trips?

GreenyEye · 22/10/2019 12:41

honestly, if he's enjoying it, let him go.

So what if they ARE exploiting him, he's having fun out of it. Enjoy it while it lasts.

GreenyEye · 22/10/2019 12:42

and I say that as a UK mother who's son HAS a DLA letter and gets to use the carers discounts.

Beamur · 22/10/2019 12:42

This is one of those times that ignorance was more blissful.
Perhaps it's in your son's interest not to find out if this is true or not. If he has a nice time and the opportunity to make friends, why not just leave it?
Like others have said, maybe the parents and the other kids just like to have him there and it works better than in a big party dynamic.

Perunatop · 22/10/2019 12:44

If you have confidence in the families taking him and he enjoys himself then I don't really see what the problem is. To me it appears to be a win-win situation.

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