To feel like the only person in the world to end a marriage after less than a year?

[costtete]

I got married this year but it was a big mistake. I've been having a tough time recently and he's been completely unsupportive and just not the person I thought he was, he's only happy if I am putting him at the centre of everything and not focussing on other things in my life, he sulks otherwise and it's just become a horrible environment. He now wants to split up too. I feel so embarrassed and upset at this mistake and like the only person who has split up a few months after the wedding. Anyone been through the same?

[CaptainCabinets]

THis would be better moved to the Relationships board as you won’t get much helpful advice here.

[JorisBonson]

5 months here, at my insistence. Yes it's embarrassing, painful, totally alien but if it's not working then it's the best decision. It does take time but it is ok in the end.

[costtete]

Sorry just posted here for traffic mainly.

Thanks for sharing, it feels so isolating and lonely. What were the reasons for your split if you don't mind me asking? And how did you face telling people?

[AryaStarkWolf]

Better than sticking it out for years and years and it never getting better. Atleast this way you can both move on and find happiness. I know you must feel embarrassed etc but that would be a very bad reason to stay

[ColaFreezePop]

Cheaper to get divorced now then in 5+ years.

Good luck.

[honeyloops]

I know a couple of people who have done this for various reasons - you're not the only one. And much better for you to be happy than feel lonely and trapped by a piece of paper - good luck :)

[QueenofmyPrinces]

My friend and her husband split up 9 months after their wedding and have gone their separate ways. I know she felt embarrassed and was so worried what people would say in case they judged her etc but it was absolutely the right thing to do.

He was really vile to her and I’m glad she found the strength to end it.

Ending a marriage so soon after it happened shows bravery and courage, not weakness.

I hope you are ok, and even if you don’t feel okay now, you will one day

[Fatshedra]

Just do it! Bit embarrassing but you won't be the first of friends / family to split and you won't be the last.
Thankfully no DCs.

[Aquamarine1029]

I know several people this happened to, and honestly, NO ONE really cares. There's the initial "Oh really! That's too bad" kind of surprise from people, but other than that it's old news very quickly.

You need to do what's best for you, and the sooner you end it the better.

[Standandwait]

If it's not working now it is much much wiser to end it now. I know lots of people whose marriages ended within a year (in one case within eight weeks) and generally my reaction was: good, don't let it go too long.

[Frazzlerock]

I kicked Ex-H out after only about 8 months. We'd been together 10 years by that point and had two DC, but we'd spent that entire time TTC and wedding planning that I don't think I realised what he'd be like once all that had died down. Then boom, 8 months post wedding, it hit me that I couldn't bear to be with the lazy arse manchild any longer. It was the unknown but it was fine. Was single for 6 years and then met DP 4 years ago and getting married in April

[ThreeLittleDots]

Don't feel embarrassed - your friends and family may well be relieved!

[MRex]

Embarrassment is a seriously over-rated reaction. I haven't been in your position, but please know that almost everyone would only have sympathy for you that it hasn't worked out. Far better to move on now than to start having children who'll then struggle when you split and waste years of your life when you could be enjoying yourself.

[paw1977]

My friend left after 6 weeks. No need for embarrassment.

[SpinneyHill]

I know 2 people who wanted to end relationships before the wedding but bottled it and both went through their Big Day knowing they were going to end it when they felt it was appropriate(?) First waited 3 weeks Second waited nearly a year and was utterly miserable throughout.

My DS GMs 2nd marriage lasted 3 months because they apparently didn't realise they couldn't stand each other until after the wedding.

Definitely not a rarity for a marriage to fail in it's first year. Onward and upward!

[nearlynermal]

Oh gosh, OP, please ignore the embarrassment. As Aquamarine says, after the initial 'oh dear' people just get on with their lives. Not getting trapped in a toxic marriage with kids = priceless.

[WineGummyBear]

Another vote for don't be embarrassed.
Far far better to call it a day now.

Sorry this has happened OP. And we'll done, you don't want to stay tied to a child who sulks when it's not all about him.

It feels late in the day to discover this but it still counts as a lucky escape.

[costtete]

Wow thanks everyone so much for the replies and support. I think what someone else said rings true - once the dust had settled on not planning the wedding and doing up the house etc it became so apparent we just dont work, and he only wants me when I'm doing everything his way and giving him my full attention, and I just can't compromise myself like that. I'm only late 20s so feel far too young to settle for feeling utterly miserable everyday

[GettingABitDesperateNow]

I have been to a wedding where this happened and a friend of a friend also did it. Also attended a wedding where they lasted 2 years.

To be honest I think its brave to admit it was a mistake and walk away. It's a lot better to do it sooner rather than limp on for years and being kids in to the mix all for thr sake of not being embarrassed or feel like you're letting other people down. I honestly dont think other people judge that much

[KatharinaRosalie]

DH and his first wife were divorced 7 months after the wedding. No infidelity or issues, they just both realised that getting married was a mistake and they were not a good match after all.

[QueenofLouisiana]

I know two couples who've done the same. One couple because they realised that they’d got married to cover over the cracks of their relationship, the other as she was having an affair.

It’s not as unusual as it might seem. Good luck for the future, it’ll be fine.

[MumW]

A friend of a friend got married after living with her partner for a number of years. He dumped her during their honeymoon.

[Idontwanttotalk]

Better to realise a mistake sooner rather than later. If a family member or friend was in this position I'd rather they split up rather than stayed in an unhappy marriage. Don't be embarrassed. You are brave and doing the right thing.

[Loopytiles]

I know three people who got divorced in twenties, you’re doing the sensible thing!

[Imonlydoingwhatican]

Happened here. I remener vividly driving to the venue knowing it wasnt going to last, i should have made them turn around.

I ended things 5 months in, i never really saw him anyway, either in his study (playing pc games) or living at his mothers p/t(as he refused to move jobs to be nearer to me and and son). I worked out both son and i were happier when he wasnt there. He was finacially abusive too nor accepting of sons diagnosis.

Happily married now been with him for 13 years.

Ending a marragie at any stage is difficult. You have to trust your gut