To feel like the only person in the world to end a marriage after less than a year?

[costtete]

I got married this year but it was a big mistake. I've been having a tough time recently and he's been completely unsupportive and just not the person I thought he was, he's only happy if I am putting him at the centre of everything and not focussing on other things in my life, he sulks otherwise and it's just become a horrible environment. He now wants to split up too. I feel so embarrassed and upset at this mistake and like the only person who has split up a few months after the wedding. Anyone been through the same?

[arcticnead1984]

I ended my marriage after 2 months in 2016. I felt like I was the only one ever to do it and it was the worst thing in the world.
But as previous posters said, people go "oh, that's a shame" but move on very quickly.

I now look back and laugh at it but I'm SO glad I had the courage to end it quickly. I had already wasted enough time with the wrong person.

I am MUCH happier now and its just a chapter in the story of my life that's closed now. No big deal!

[SuperSara]

As someone else said, it will be old news very quickly after initial surprise from people you know.

No need to feel like a failure or embarrassed because of it. Far better to be happy and have a future to look forward to.

Can I ask, you presumably knew your partner pretty well before marrying him, so did he change once you were his wife, or did he not change to become what you expected him to, if that makes sense?

[Lweji]

TBH, I almost ended my marriage at the end of the honeymoon and the mistake was not to do it then.

If he wants to split rather than work on himself for a healthy relationship, then YANBU at all.

PS - "THis would be better moved to the Relationships board as you won’t get much helpful advice here" Don't people realise that many of the same people post in both?

[barnun]

My friend did this. She's now very happily married to someone else and has a lovely DC.

Much, much better for her to do that than to have limped along with Mr Wrong just because she was worried about what people might say/think.

[Fuckenstein]

I ended my marriage after 6 months. He had always been physically abusive, possessive and paranoid, I just convinced myself that once we were married he would see I was committed and change.

He didn't so after 6 more months of being attacked I called it a day and kicked him out. We had been together for 7 years by then but married 6 months. I was 24.

My so called best friend at the time who knew everything about my situation was the only person who commented negatively and asked if I got married just for the dress. Everybody else was supportive.

[arcticnead1984]

Also, can I just say to others..

Please be sensitive with the "you must've known what he was like before you married??" questions...and "did you not have doubts?

It's not helpful and just makes the person in question feel like an idiot and worst about the situation.

That's the only thing I'd say OP, you have to be thick skinned as people can come out with the most outrageous comments

[SmellbowSmellbow123]

4 months for me. I was too young and shouldn’t have done it. Wait till your anniversary date comes around then get the ball rolling for divorce. Don’t be embarrassed by it. It happens.

[Whattodoabout]

Some people have their marriages annulled within days OP. You’re not the first to do this and won’t be the last. It’s better to do this than stick around and be miserable for years.

[AutumnRose1]

"Wait till your anniversary date comes around then get the ball rolling for divorce. "

Why wait?

[Walnutwhipster]

I have two nieces, one after six months, one just before their first anniversary. Better to do it now than live with a lifetime of regret. No one judges them for it.

[costtete]

Well things moved quickly and we got engaged as soon as we moved in together, and about a month after moving in we found out one of my parents was terminally ill and so moved the wedding forward thinking it was the right thing to do and something positive to focus on, and a couple weeks before I started to question things but was terrified of letting everyone down and thought hopefully it was the pressure of everything and it's get better after the wedding.

But it never did and became crap and I guess that was the 'real' living together time where I can see we are so incompatible and he hasn't been supportive at all. So I do feel deeply ashamed and hate the thought of hurting people but the thought of carrying on forever more feels even worse, it's like a catch 22

[Walnutwhipster]

@AutumnRose1unless it's changed you have to wait until you've been married a year.

[RhinoskinhaveI]

He probably feels that he can get away with this bad behaviour because you'll be too embarrassed to end things at this stage of the relationship.
These early years should be a honeymoon period where you're both on your best behaviour if this is him on his best behaviour what's he going to be like later on?
As for the you 'should have known what he was like' comments, it's pretty common for people who are manipulative and abusive to put on a front to lure in the victim

[Aquamarine1029]

Stop that nonsense about feeling ashamed, op! You have NOTHING to be ashamed about. The only possible shameful thing you could do is to waste precious days of your life in an unhappy marriage.

[AutumnRose1]

Walnut, thanks, I thought it was six months

[RhinoskinhaveI]

Cosette, why do you feel ashamed my dear? It's him who is behaving badly!

[SmellbowSmellbow123]

@AutumnRose1

Because in the UK you have to have been married a year before you can file for divorce.

[Queenunikitty]

DH1 and I were together for 5 years, got married and it ended after 18 months. Both happily married to other people now. My DH2 also had a short lived first marriage lasting less than two years. It happens don’t be embarrassed.

[nearlynermal]

OP, sounds like you've been through a hell of a time. So sorry. Time to stop with the guilt, trust your instincts and focus on what's best for you, carve out a life where you've got some space to heal.

[NearlyGranny]

No shame in being brave and honest about having made a mistake. This is happening to someone close to me right now. Looks like they won't make it to 6 weeks. Someone's true colours showed as soon as the vows were uttered. 💔

[hovatn]

Well things moved quickly and we got engaged as soon as we moved in together, and about a month after moving in we found out one of my parents was terminally ill and so moved the wedding forward thinking it was the right thing to do

A parent being diagnosed as terminally ill is one of the most awful things that can happen to you. Your head is all over the place when this happens and you make decisions that aren't always the best. I got involved with someone shortly after my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and because of my feelings about her and grief I clung on to him for love and stability but he was totally wrong for me. Didn't marry him but put up with 6 years of awful behaviour.

I know you are upset and embarrassed. You need to forgive yourself for making the decision to get married - you thought it was the right thing and it hasn't worked out. We all make bad decisions sometimes. You now know that you don't want to be with him for the rest of your life so you should end it now and file for divorce as soon as the one year is up.
If other people want to judge and make comments that is their problem. You know the decision is right for you so stick to it. Decent people - friends and family - will support you.
You have nothing to feel embarrassed about.

And btw, I know several people who were married less than one year. After the initial surprise that this has happened, most people will forget about it soon enough and you can move on with your life.
I think the majority of people know someone who has had a very short marriage so you're not alone and for most of your friends and family, it won't be the first time they have seen this happen either.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

My first marriage lasted fifteen months. He drank a lot before, but after, he really went to town. It was hideous. I should have realised before we got married. Dumb.

[Damntheman]

It was 2 weeks after the wedding for my friend. Sometimes people just change right after a wedding. My friend was with her partner for five years before they married and then boom overnight he was someone else. She's much happier now with someone else. Don't feel embarrassed, you have to do what is right for you!

[petrocellihouse]

My beautiful god daughter ended her marriage almost as soon as they came back from honeymoon. She found terrible and hurtful texts from her husband to his family, criticising and making fun of both her and her friends/family in the most awful terms. He had also hidden severe mental health problems from her (the mental health issues in themselves she could have dealt with, but the fact he kept it hidden for so long was the real issue). She left and has never looked back. Now happily married to a lovely guy who treats her with the respect and love she deserves. Funnily enough, on the wedding day my daughter and I looked at them and thought... nah... this won't last! So don't be embarrassed, and just chalk it up to another of life's rich learning experiences.