To feel like the only person in the world to end a marriage after less than a year?

[costtete]

I got married this year but it was a big mistake. I've been having a tough time recently and he's been completely unsupportive and just not the person I thought he was, he's only happy if I am putting him at the centre of everything and not focussing on other things in my life, he sulks otherwise and it's just become a horrible environment. He now wants to split up too. I feel so embarrassed and upset at this mistake and like the only person who has split up a few months after the wedding. Anyone been through the same?

[GinNotGym19]

Mine ended in less than a year!
It is irritating but one of those things! Better to have a short marriage than spend years with someone you don’t want to be married to

[costtete]

It seems like the biggest deal in the world right now but it sounds more common than I thought. I just don't know anyone directly this has happened to. Feels comforting to read so many similar stories and know I'm not alone

[NotGreatBob]

This happened to two of the couples in weddings I have been to. And I’ve only been to about 8 friends weddings so far.

[Summercamping]

What a tough time you've been having. You are doing the right thing, and not allowing a bad situation to fester. That takes guts.

The vast majority of people will be kind. Any that aren't, fuck 'em. Not their business. Good luck to you

[Teateaandmoretea]

I think although embarrassment is pretty pointless anyone would feel that, at least fleetingly.

But yabu to think this is uncommon it isn't at all. Much much better to end it now than when there are children involved later on/ your finances are more intwined. I can think of a few people this happened to.

Ultimately any embarrassment will pass quickly and then you will both have the rest of your lives ahead of you.

This actually happened to a work colleague of mine and she's getting married again (a few years later). I had actually forgotten and when someone made a comment about wedding planning nearly responded with 'omg one wedding was enough for me who'd do that twice'. I pulled it back just in time...

[PumpkinPie2016]

My brother ended his first marriage after a year (although they lived separately for 3 months prior to that). It really was the best thing he could have done. Once married, she didn't want to support his military career like she had said she would. She wanted him to give it up, knowing that he had few academic qualifications and would really struggle to get anything else. Also knowing how hard he had worked and how well he was doing. There were other things too.

He met his current wife 12 months later and now, almost 14 years on, he couldn't be happier (and he is still in the military!). His current wife and he are so much better suited.

End it now - you have years to find and be with someone else. Good luck!

[OldEvilOwl]

I've seen two of these recently. It's almost as if the wedding was a 'band aid' to try and fix their already broken relationship. It really doesn't matter what other people think, move on and be happy, it's your life

[SarahBeeney]

My marriage lasted a year. Actually it was him that ended it and I was devestated at the time but about a week later it dawned on me what a controlling man he was. Looking back I’m so relieved we didn’t have kids.
Been with current DP for over 10 years and no desire to marry again.
I felt very bad for my parents and guests who’d put money towards wedding,the day/gifts etc.

[welshladywhois40]

Better now then waste more years of your life. My ex husband sent me a text asking for a divorce on our one year anniversary. I should have said yes.

We limped on for four more years in misery.

[costtete]

Thanks so much @crazypeppermint

Wow, those feelings about family loving him are exactly the same, that's how I felt, after I found out about my mum I just felt so panicked in my grief about her not being there for my wedding day it seemed the right idea at the time. But it was so clear after it was a mistake and we are totally different people, I'd have always had to compromise myself and what I want for him and we'd grow to be resentful of each other.

I'm so pleased you are happier now, I know it'll take time for me but this is the right thing to do I need to keep telling myself this. Definitely young enough to pick myself and start again. I just keep feeling badly about the money people spent etc but hopefully those regretful feelings with fade in time

[crazypeppermint]

@costtete

I'm in my twenties and my divorce will be finalised soon, I was married for 8 weeks before we split. At the time I was very embarrassed, people I hadn't seen for a while would congratulate me having no idea that we had split. But now I realise that I don't really care what people think because they were not in my marriage so could have no idea how bad it was for me.

It was an odd feeling reading your reasoning as to why you married soon, it's nearly identical to my own. After I found out my dad was terminally ill I couldn't imagine my day without him there, I wanted a long engagement but the wedding was brought forward because of the circumstances. I saw a side to my ex that I didn't like at all but because my family loved him I felt trapped and didn't want to let everyone down.

But honestly I don't have a single regret about ending it and I'm not ashamed anymore. For myself I felt better that I was ending it sooner rather than spending years in a marriage I knew I couldn't be happy in. But don't ever be ashamed or embarrassed about it, there will be a time in the future when you look back and are thankful that it came to an end.

[dottiedodah]

I think you have done the right thing here TBH. Quite a lot of people realise they may have made a mistake quite early on ,and I think you are sensible .You are only in your late 20s so much too young to be miserable ! I really dont think anyone would judge you and anyway its none of their business anyway !

[costtete]

Thanks everyone for the support.

So it's over now, and turns out he thinks it's for the best too, although he actually text me to say he thinks we should end it whilst I was waiting to have the conversation later this week when I get back from being away

It hurts right now, I feel very sad, and it's hard not to suddenly panic, but in my heart I know this is the right thing to do and I really hope I look back on this as just a difficult chapter in my life.

Thank you to everyone who has said such supportive things x

[Durgasarrow]

OP, don't fall for the "sunk costs" fallacy. There's no use throwing any more money, energy, shame, or anything that costs you a moment's suffering at something or someone who is not worth it. You are a smart woman to realize that this isn't going to work. People will be proud of you and impressed with you for taking out the trash and getting rid of this loser. I'm already proud of you for not being beaten down by this jerk and knowing that you're worth more than he is offering. Good for you!

[readingismycardio]

My friend and her husband got divorced after 2 weeks. They didn't even get the wedding photos. Don't be afraid. If this is how you feel,'go for it.

[Creepster]

Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Google it and you will find that there are an astonishing number of people who bravely said oopsie after a few days.
You are not obligated to explain anything.

[RoseGoldEagle]

My cousin and husband split up about six months after their wedding. Everyone’s reaction was- a bit of shock because they’d been together so long, a bit of sympathy, and then to be honest people just forgot about it. I can actually completely see how it can happen. She met someone else a year later, and 5ish years down the line seems really happy (actually she seems like a different person). I think knowing you’ve made a mistake is probably more common than people think- I admire people who actually do something about it, rather than just limp along unhappily and worse, bring kids into that set up.

[Tellmetruth4]

My friend had doubts before the wedding but went through with it to save face. She’s now been married 18 years with DC, is miserable and won’t leave because she thinks she’s too old to start again.

You’re making the right decision.

[WagtailRobin]

It's ALWAYS better in my opinion to endure some short term embarrassment than to stay in an unfulfilled/unhappy relationship. You married, it hasn't worked, walk away. There's no shame in making a mistake!

[Nat6999]

I knew I had made a mistake 3 months after I got married, don't be like me & stick it out for 9 years, you will end up miserable. It's like ripping a plaster off, the quicker you do it, the less it hurts.

[SteelRiver]

My friend separated from her husband less than 3 months after their wedding. She had similar feelings to those you've described about making a mistake and being embarrassed. I know she found it tough telling people etc but noone judged her or laughed etc. People were more concerned that she was coping well and wanted to support her any way they could. I think anyone trying to make you feel bad about your situation would be nasty and not worthy of your friendship.

[leomama81]

It sounds silly but it's more the colleagues and people I don't see very often it feels awkward telling

I completely get that. In my experience if you just say oh it didn't work out people drop it pretty fast. Sometimes they say "oh I'm sorry" and I say don't worry, I'm not, or something along those lines and that is pretty much it.

for you, it is tough but I promise you it will be fine and as a PP said before too long it'll just be a closed chapter in your life. Well done for being strong.

[Mummaofmytribe]

My OH left his first wife after two months. Cue shock, horror, but nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors.
All forgotten now.
He and I have now been married over 20 years, so when it's right, it sticks.
This isn't right for you.
Get out now and you will be so relieved.

[leomama81]

‘the people who matter don’t mind and the people who mind don’t matter’

So true

[leomama81]

I left after two months. Should have ended it before the wedding but couldn't bring myself to, also some stuff happened literally two days before the wedding but I just couldn't cope with making the decision so quickly. It was very clear afterwards that I had made a mistake - for a start the wedding photos arrived and i couldn't even look at them!

Honestly, the fear of how people will react/ embarrassment etc is so much worse than the reality. It was hard emotionally of course, but I had nothing but support from my friends and family. No one judged me at all, at least no one close to me who actually knew the situation. People thought I was brave if anything.

I don't regret it at all, it was 100 percent the right thing to do and as PPs have said much easier to do earlier rather than later.