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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you react

85 replies

Dogisout · 21/10/2019 06:40

If your dh accused you of lying and being deceitfull? I dont know how to react.
Now he ignores me, wont listen.
I made a decision of what i thought was a minor issue, during a birthday party for son, would tell him after party. But he made a scene and left. Came back , ignoring me, only sending angry text about me being a lier, not to be trusted. How hurt he is.
Wont listen to me, not responding to reson.
This was saturday. Still going on.
Fine he disagrees with my decision, but his reaction is really hurtfull. What would you do?

OP posts:
VisibleShantiLine · 21/10/2019 06:41

I think more information is required, OP.

DriftingLeaves · 21/10/2019 06:42

I wouldn't stay married to anyone so childish.

swingofthings · 21/10/2019 06:45

why can't you say what it was? It all depends on that. If it is something you discuss for some time and he said he wasn't happy with and then you did it behind his back anyway, then yes, he would have a point.

Original poster
Dogisout · 21/10/2019 06:47

Son 16 Got phone stolen as he was a bit careless at a party. (ADHD) We bought new, in the agreement if he Got any money for birthday it would go to the new phone. He Got 75 euro. I only took 60.
He Can disagree with my decision but his actions and accucations i have a hard time dealing with

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 21/10/2019 07:06

Your man sounds incredibly childish, Dogisout. Your decision was a reasonable one, your are your son's mum after all and your son needed a phone.

Tell your partner to grow up! Don't have any truck with his stupid ways, it is such a small issue in the scheme of things and he is way OTT. Your son must feel uncomfortable about it too.

Original poster
Dogisout · 21/10/2019 07:10

He is. As am i.
“D”h left this morning without a word.
I also Think it was minor. I would mention it after guests gone. Never thought he would be angry. And to react like this..

OP posts:
Elodie2019 · 21/10/2019 07:11

This over 15 euros? He is being ridiculous.
You took the money off him during his party? Why then?
Both of you need your heads banging together.

Elodie2019 · 21/10/2019 07:13

Or, you told your DH about the money during the party? Again, why then?

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2019 07:18

Is he angry you didn't take the full 75? Confused

Original poster
Dogisout · 21/10/2019 07:19

No son came and gave it to me, in private. I gave him 15 back. Later in the kitchen, he Said something about something he wanted to buy and h asked where he Got the money from. Son told. H Got angry and left party. Came back later and went straight to bed.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 21/10/2019 07:21

Did you lie about home much you took from your son?

I also don't understand why ADHD is relevant here.

Original poster
Dogisout · 21/10/2019 07:25

Then he Got up Yesterday, was out all Day and went straight to bed again. And up for work today.
Only communication is via text, telling me im not to be trusted, im lying, manipulative.
Because i didnt tell him immidiately that i gave son 15 back.
He is not controlling with money. I sort al finanses. But he is angry that son Got the 15 euro as it was not the agreement we had. Which is true. And i dont mind he disagrees with me in given son the 15 - i have a massive problem with his reaktions !

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 21/10/2019 07:27

It's relevant because ADHD might be a mitigating circumstance for losing the phone. So maybe not taking all his birthday money was fair.

Or not

Original poster
Dogisout · 21/10/2019 07:28

ADHD is relevant, as son Can be careless and forgetfull and maby didnt look after his phone. And h Think som should pay all, for phone, to teach him to be more carefull. As it is now, son paid half.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 21/10/2019 07:31

I meant more that a 16 year old being careless with a phone is pretty normal anyway.

I think your husband is massively overreacting. Is there an underlying argument here? Does he have form for overreacting?

user1493413286 · 21/10/2019 07:36

What a massive over reaction; I was expecting it to be something big. I do think that if you and DH had agreed something you should have talked to him before changing it but his reaction is way over the top unless this a constant occurrence?

Original poster
Dogisout · 21/10/2019 07:42

I am, without a doubt, more soft with the kids. He is a lot harder. Also with himself.
We dont need the money. It is probably not about the money.
It is my lack of respect for h. We agreed about the money and i dare chance it.
Now i cant be trusted. Im lying. Dont know what about, as son told him i gave him 15 back. But h is very angry with me.
And i dont know how to react. I Think he is massively overreacting.

OP posts:
Alisonm23 · 21/10/2019 07:43

I would just carry on with your day and try not to leave this get to you. His reaction is way over the top, just leave him off. Sounds like he is looking for a reason to argue with you... does he usually react to stuff like this?

Original poster
Dogisout · 21/10/2019 07:49

We rarely argue. But when we do, he is like this. Im fed up. Always making it huge, with Words like respect, trust etc.
I always assume it is misunderstanding. I hate this.

OP posts:
73Sunglasslover · 21/10/2019 08:06

He sounds really angry. Whilst I can see how much his actions are hurting you, I can also see why he would be angry. You made a joint decision which you then went against. If my OH did this I'd think he was hugely disrespectful and undermining and it makes it impossible to joint parent properly when these kind of things happen. Do you feel that what you did was wrong? If so have you apologised for it? Not sure I'd call it lieing but it seems maybe your OH thought you never did really intend to stick to this?

Original poster
Dogisout · 21/10/2019 08:15

I honestly didnt Think it mattered. I would have apologized if he gave me the chance, but he Got angry and left.
he make some decisions and sometimes chance Them, and i assume he has god reason to. I also had reason, but he wont listen.
As Said, i dont mind him disagreeing with me, but his reaction is so unreasonable.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 21/10/2019 08:22

@Dogisout when he's home I'd say that to him - that you understand why he's upset but you didn't realise it was as big a decision as he's making it out to be, but his reactions are over the top and completely unnecessary.

Original poster
Dogisout · 21/10/2019 08:35

I already did. But it does not matter as im apparently not to be trusted anymore.

OP posts:
AmIThough · 21/10/2019 08:39

@Dogisout ah let him sulk until he can act like an adult in that case!

LannisterLion1 · 21/10/2019 10:24

His reaction is OTT, but i have to wonder if he is the one harsher and you softer then has a similar situation arisen before? I can understand frustration if you've been known to agree before then you go back on the agreement so he always appears the 'bad one'and you the good.

Dsis ex used to do that, hence why now an ex. They'd agree discipline, consequences and treats then he would then play 'good guy' towards dc. So if dc were to be grounded, he would let them off early. If they lost pocket money, he'd give a small amount anyway. It was a seemingly small thing that was the last straw for her. She felt disrespected and though he was fuelling this good parent bad parent dynamic and affecting her relationship with her dcs.