Drinking drugs and smoking whilst being pregnant?

[pennygirl26]

I know someone who is due her baby in Dec. She only found out a few weeks ago she is pregnant.

She had very openly continued to smoke cigarettes and joints,but has been drinking also saying its not anything worse than what she's done in the past 6 months. She's also still taking coke every now and again. What can I do about this? I feel sick every time I see her. The other night I caught her buying a half bottle. It's just so dicgusting I don't know who to go to as I don't want her to know its me.

You don’t have to be ‘judging’ this woman to report her btw, reporting doesn’t make you an awful person or a grass. And you don’t need incontrovertible proof, that’s not your place. You’re just flagging up suspected child abuse to the relevant authorities and then it’s down to them to take it from there. If they find nothing of concern then great. But I couldn’t live with myself personally if I was made aware of this info and didn’t pass it on.

The thread will devolve into arguments about a woman’s right to bodily autonomy versus the unborn child’s welfare, with a lot of frothing around ‘OMG she’s disgusting how could she’ but none of that is really relevant here tbh, you’re aware of an unborn child being in possible danger and it’d be wrong not to ensure you reported that to people who can actually do something for the mother and child.

The facility's should be to help women get off of substances, your questioning me like I actually going to do this. Lol
Women should give up every NG that your advise not to take, the Dr doesn't give you the list just because he feels like it.
So when you ate your unpasteurised cheese and biscuits did you go this could potentially hurt my baby but fuck it I want cheese 😂

Bloody hell that’s awful. I have been volunteering at a local hospital helping the nurses care for babies who are born with neonatal abstinence syndrome and what those poor babies go through in those first few weeks is utterly horrific. I’ve never heard cries like it.

It’s not always the case the babies will be born with this, but obviously continuing to take drugs and alcohol is probably raising the risk.

Please report. Social services should do a pre-birth assessment.

Does she have care of her other child?

@Meganc559 you have been arguing for certain legal activities to be illegal when you’re pregnant. I am trying to make you see the flaws in this.

It’s all very well saying those facilities are there to help women, but if they don’t want to go, as competent adults that should be their choice.

I feel a tad bit sorry for her for finding out so late. I don't agree with what she is doing though. I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks,.my contraception failed me and I definitely didn't want to be pregnant. I went cold turkey the day I found out and until I made my decision as deep down I knew I was keeping my baby. I stopped by a homeless man and gave him the rest my cigarettes! I did cave and have half a cigarette and a half a shandy during my pregnancy - I felt so guilty I didn't do it again. I'm sad that I can't say I didn't do anything in my pregnancy. Anyway I now have a beautiful healthy 1 year old!

Oh and you can report to SS. I would! I had to have an assessment when I was pregnant as I had been involved with them when I left home at 16 and was placed on child protection plan and for some really strange reason my midwife had concerns about alcohol and drugs in my pregnancy - I told her I wasn't drinking and I've never taken drugs! She also didn't like me rearranging my appointments as my work didn't know in the early stage so accused me of having a 'chaotic' lifestyle. She was quite patronising and horrible with me, I think it's because I was single. I couldn't ever get hold of her! I was so happy I moved and had better antenatal treatment! The social worker saw I was making correct preparations, looking after myself and baby was priority - case was closed! The report from my midwife was awful and not a true picture of me at all.

Anyway I'm rambling but you can report to social services regarding an unborn baby.

Please report to social services, as an anonymous referral.
They can't of course undo any damage done so far, but it's really important that the midwife and team caring for this mum and baby know the true picture to be able to give the baby appropriate health care when born. It will also allow SS to do an assessment about any ongoing risk to the child once born.

It's not against the law to drink & smoke whilst being pregnant, yes I know it isn't advised but there is no law to stop it. The drugs are another matter, I would think that her midwife & the other professionals are aware of her circumstances & plans are already in place to help her.

@PurpleDaisies

I’m so glad you are voicing some sanity! It’s like talking to a wall

OP please report the mother to SS as PPs have mentioned

@Megan559 what planet are you on suggesting to make certain legal activities illegal for pregnant women?? Are we all incapable of making informed choices as soon as we have a zygote inside us? Who is going to police this insane idea? You clearly have no idea how bad addiction can be. YOU were able to stop drinking, smoking, liquorice allsorts etc for your unborn child. Good for you. Going cold turkey is not such an easy option for some women and for you to be preaching from your high horse about stupid hypothetical laws etc is frankly insulting. I say this as someone who has never smoked (BIL was a heavy smoker and it took him years to cut down and eventually stop),who made informed choices about alcohol and cheese during all my pregnancies.

FWIW unpasteurized cheese is okay so long as its cooked (bring on the baked camembert!!)

@nat6999 how do you think the midwife and other professionals would know? They find this stuff out by people reporting FGS.
The exceptions are when people who are already known to services (eg receiving treatment for alcohol or drug abuse) become pregnant, in which case those workers would do a referral to a specialist midwife.
The vast majority of people who use drugs or drink heavily don't use services. Not many people would declare such things during a pregnancy because they'd be worried about the consequences and worried about being made to stop. Its much more common for people to minimise it, especially if they're not physically dependent.

Disgusting, selfish behaviour. Report to social services.
If she can't even be bothered to look after her baby whilst she's pregnant, imagine what kind of life the poor little thing will have once it's born. She's hardly going to stop doing drink and drugs then is she?
I can't imagine the damage she's already caused.

Report to social services.
Never mind the hideously complicated legal and moral arguments.
Just make sure midwives and heath visitors get it flagged and the baby has ss support when it's born. That's the important thing here.
If that baby has been affected by the alcohol then written evidence of drinking will get them an earlier fasd diagnosis, earlier access to support, ehcps and a better fighting chance of support in school.
Report now.

As for canabis, which we know is definitely dangerous to a developing baby

Can you find me a link for this? I remember trying to check this when I was pregnant with my first and finding very little. (He's 7 now and fine!)

saying its not anything worse than what she's done in the past 6 months

I can sort of understand this. She's only just found out she's pregnant, possibly doesn't feel 100% great about it and is maybe quietly worried that damage has already been done. I can see how that would result in a certain fatalism and a "fuck it" attitude.
Its certainly too late for folic acid and avoiding blue cheese isn't it?

If its any consolation: I think you need to be very heavily to give a child feotal alcohol syndrome. Think a bottle of spirits a day territory. Social drinking at the weekends wont do it.

Cocaine is not great but the effect is overstated:

Scientists have come to understand that the findings of the early studies were vastly overstated and that most people who were exposed to cocaine in utero do not have disabilities
From Wikipeadia

Smoking is not great but probably not too much milage in giving up at this late stage.

I would not personally be reporting this person to social services unless she is addicted or her life is chaotic and unmanageable for other reasons.

I'm guesing this is someone you see socially at pubs and clubs (hence you knowledge of her drug consumption). If you don't know what her life is like outside of that context, I'd probably leave it.

" I think it should be illegal for pregnant women to drink and smoke.*

Bloody hell, NO

1. Women should never be treated as incubators. A woman must retain full rights over her body during pregnancy

We should hope a pregnant woman would stop what are otherwise normal lifestyle choices, such as smoking & drinking, dietary choices, etc
but we should never compel her to do so

There's a slippery slope to reaching the situation in some US states where women have been denied effective treatment to prevent lifelong disability, such as blindness, because that treatment risked harming the foetus

2. This could discourage the most vulnerable women from accessing health services until they are actually ready to give birth

I've found a phone number to contact and report. If there was anything wrong with baby and no one knew what had been going on I don't think I could live with myself.

To answer some questions she has 2 older children and a young child. The 2 older kids are to one dad and the yound child and new baby are to dad number 2. She had currently split from the father before pregnancy was discovered due to disappearing for a weekend to party and take drugs leaving her 3 children with family but there was no contact.

I don't know her socially in pubs/clubs. We work together. She has been openly talking about things saying she had a few joints the night before and she was sick.

She has also been seen by colleagues buying her half bottle every other night.
Her best friend also works with us and has been very open about her drug use and what's happening on weekends when the children are with their grandparents. It's just such a mess. Poor kids

I think it should be illegal for people to say it should be illegal for pregnant women to engage in perfectly legal activity like smoking and drinking.

That being said, I likely would report to Social Services re the drugs because while they can't and shouldn't be able to take any action during the pregnancy, there could be a pre birth assessment and may need to be one.

I'd say inform social services but not to 'report child abuse' * but to let them know she might need extra support after the birth.

Tell her to eat some delicious choco cake instead

I agree with CatstorTroy Inform social care so this lady can hopefully get support rather than as some kind of punishment.

It shocks And appalls me that some people (including some women!) think that women who happen to be pregnant should be treated as nothing more than incubators with no rights over their own bodies or what happens to them for the length of their pregnancies. It shouldn’t shock me really I suppose despite this being 2019 when there is little excuse to believe such shite, but it does.

GingersAreLush I'm shocked too! Why does the person carrying a pregnancy cease to be a person and just become an incubator?!? Why should the fully thinking, feeling, formed human beings have less rights than a cluster of cells?

Who needs the patriarchy when Meganc559 will just lock pregnant adult women up if they don't do her bidding!?! Actually I'm not shocked I'm stunned!

To answer some questions she has 2 older children and a young child.

Did she drink/smoke/do drugs in previous pregnancies and has it affected her other children?

@ToPlanZ if the baby is due in December it’s as much a fully formed and thinking human being as it’s mother, it’s far from a cluster of cells, in fact pregnancies stop being just a cluster of cells really early on!

And while I wouldn’t have one myself I wouldn’t get in anyone’s way of having an abortion before the time limit, but to suggest that a baby is just a cluster of cells at 7 months gestation is just ignorance.

to suggest that a baby is just a cluster of cells at 7 months gestation is just ignorance

Nobody has suggested this. Up to a certain point of gestation, it IS just a cluster of cells. The ever-compassionate Megan is suggesting smoking/drinking should be illegal whilst pregnant, which presumably means from the moment of conception. So the idea that a fully thinking, feeling, formed human being has less rights than a cluster of cells is actually correct, should Megan have her way.