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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DB’s reaction

86 replies

Cushionsarecomfie · 19/10/2019 08:04

So I have posted before that DB told me when I started my business it would be no more than a hobby and even 10 years and a successful business model on ‘your thing would be the first to go in a time of economic pressure’. Indeed, it’s very obvious in his mind I am inferior and just a user (which is hilarious considering his wife doesn’t work and never has). Anyway I have done something, it’s outing to say what but it’s pretty huge and one of those things people always have on their list of things to do. I have told my parents (who can be a bit narc) but who been surprisingly pleased and they could have well told him (in as much as it’s not a secret now) but I thought I better make contact and tell him myself. Three texts to say I had some big news and a couple of calls and no response over 24 hours. I then got a call from him but unfortunately was on the phone myself. Less than 5 mins later and I called back a few times but no answer from his end .... just a text 45 mins on saying ‘now tied up - will call over the weekend’. Yes, I know there was a will call but he never does (his oldest friends who I see more than him say it’s all cos we aren’t rich enough for him and his wife now) and even when I put a teaser in my response to that - nothing. I may just need a head wobble but I just don’t get why it gets me down still nor why I still seem to be on the end of his doled out shit.

OP posts:
DeathStare · 19/10/2019 08:13

I can't make any sense of that. Sorry.

pinkyredrose · 19/10/2019 08:19

Why are you so desperate for him to know this thing you did? Just leave it, he obviously doesn't give a fuck.

surlycurly · 19/10/2019 08:21

Brothers can be lovely or they can be arseholes. Yours sounds like the later. Love your own life, for yourself and stop trying to impress him. You won't.

SorryCat · 19/10/2019 08:21

So you want to tell your brother you've managed to do something pretty big but keep missing each others calls. He's rude and obnoxious and I guess I understand you want to impress him after his put down a for so long but I wouldn't hold your breath that you'll suddenly get the recognition you deserve or want.
Just be pleased for yourself.
And also tell me what it is. 😂

Cushionsarecomfie · 19/10/2019 08:21

I have no idea why. But that’s the crux - he doesn’t give a fuck. It’s refreshing to hear a stranger say it objectively. Thank you

OP posts:
Gazelda · 19/10/2019 08:23

It's a shame that he doesn't seem keen to share your pride in your success (if I'm understanding your post correctly), but I'm surprised you expected anything else.

Do you think he may be jealous?

Stick with the people who are supportive. Listen to them when they say well done - their opinions are the ones that matter the most. Not those of someone who seems to want to downplay your achievements purely for the sake of spitefulness.

KatherineJaneway · 19/10/2019 08:23

You need to stop seeking his approval on things. His feelings towards you won't magically change as you completed an event or done a thing.

NightsOfCabiria · 19/10/2019 08:30

Show dont tell.

Surely, if it’s that big, he’ll see it in the press?

I’d just disengage. He clearly doesnt like you and a big success for your business/you wont change that. Sorry.

catwithnohat · 19/10/2019 08:45

Quite the dynamics between you that you seem to be really keen to say words to the effect of "I told you so"?

LynetteScavo · 19/10/2019 08:47

Anyway I have done something, it’s outing to say what but it’s pretty huge and one of those things people always have on their list of things to do.

Confused

You need to ask yourself why you need praise and congratulations from your brother. Why is it so important to you that he is impressed by you?

Pringlesfortea · 19/10/2019 08:52

He’s not interested
He’s not giving any fucks
Sorry
I have realatives the same ,they don’t care.ive learned not to care

Tableclothing · 19/10/2019 08:55

Take a really deep breath, and exhale slowly. As you breathe out, breathe out all the decades of sibling rivalry, all the need for his approval, all the fucks you give about his opinion. Let him find out from someone else. Try not to care about his reaction.

Bezalelle · 19/10/2019 08:57

He doesn't care. Leave it!

And well done, for whatever it is!

BlueJava · 19/10/2019 08:58

I found it difficult to make complete sense of your post - sorry! However, it seems to be that you're over-involved/over-invested with your DB and he is not supportive of you. In which case cut the drama and stop telling him about stuff! Be polite, be nice if he's there (e.g. you see him at your parent's place) but stop trying to involve him. You say he won't call you - that sounds a good thing!

ClemDanFango · 19/10/2019 09:06

Why are you so desperately trying to seek the approval of an arsehole?
Stop trying to impress him with your success, it’s a bit pathetic.
He’s a dick and always will be a dick. Move on with your life.

666onmyhead · 19/10/2019 09:11

Family's are wierd. Congrats to you for your achievements. Celebrating with those who are proud of you and who supported you would be a better use if your time. As for your brother, he'll only try and spoil it so just avoid him.

666onmyhead · 19/10/2019 09:13

*weird ! Sorry don't know what happens there!

Bellasblankexpression · 19/10/2019 09:15

I don’t think I fully understand your post - your business is now successful and you’ve done something big off the back of it and want to tell you brother?
It seems like you’re a little obsessed with his approval which you’re not going to get because he clearly does not give a fuck, and at best likes keeping you down if he thinks you’re doing too well.

Just leave it OP. He will find out anyway if it’s that big.

And what’s going to happen? You’ll tell him, he will be uninterested and a dick about it or belittle what you’ve done... why are you so keen to have a conversation that’s going to make you feel shit?

Share your news with people who have supported you and who ARE interested.

picklemepopcorn · 19/10/2019 09:16

Well done for whatever it is!

As PPs have said, don't try and impress him, he doesn't want to be Impressed.

At the moment you are joining in his power play game- don't, it will be far more satisfying for you when you don't play.

NotStayingIn · 19/10/2019 09:22

I think it’s worked in your favour that you haven’t managed to get hold of each other.

Think it through, you’ve made a lot of effort to tell him something that is huge to you. His reaction will be one of minimal interest or he may even belittle it.

So not only are you giving him the opportunity to belittle you in person (well phone call). By making this much effort to get in touch with him you are also showing how much you crave his opinion. Given it’s likely dismissive that’s an odd approach to take.

Congrats on your huge achievement. Go and enjoy it and let him find out from someone else.

NoSauce · 19/10/2019 09:25

What’s the thing?

Hesafriendfromwork · 19/10/2019 09:28

You put a teaser in your text?

Yeah I coildnt be arsed with that. Me and DP dont see each other often. We will say what we have done, since we last saw each other.

Or send a WhatsApp. So he sent a message with a photo of the dog they just got.

It sounds to me like you are both competitive with eachother. That's why you sending teaser texts and saying thinks like 'I better make contact and tell him'

Surely most people just send a text saying what you wanted to tell them or let them gear off someone else if you arenr that close.

Sounds like you are both playing competitive games.

Gamble66 · 19/10/2019 09:35

He doesn't give a fuck - don't give one back

GPatz · 19/10/2019 09:38

'You put a teaser in your text?'

I'd hate to find out a piece of special news via text. Makes sense to send a text to say there's special news to impart over phone/meeting. It would mean I would call asap.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 19/10/2019 09:39

Do you actually want him to be pleased - or are you secretly hoping this will be your ‘Fuck you’ moment? Either way, looks like he’s not playing.