DB’s reaction

[Cushionsarecomfie]

So I have posted before that DB told me when I started my business it would be no more than a hobby and even 10 years and a successful business model on ‘your thing would be the first to go in a time of economic pressure’. Indeed, it’s very obvious in his mind I am inferior and just a user (which is hilarious considering his wife doesn’t work and never has). Anyway I have done something, it’s outing to say what but it’s pretty huge and one of those things people always have on their list of things to do. I have told my parents (who can be a bit narc) but who been surprisingly pleased and they could have well told him (in as much as it’s not a secret now) but I thought I better make contact and tell him myself. Three texts to say I had some big news and a couple of calls and no response over 24 hours. I then got a call from him but unfortunately was on the phone myself. Less than 5 mins later and I called back a few times but no answer from his end .... just a text 45 mins on saying ‘now tied up - will call over the weekend’. Yes, I know there was a will call but he never does (his oldest friends who I see more than him say it’s all cos we aren’t rich enough for him and his wife now) and even when I put a teaser in my response to that - nothing. I may just need a head wobble but I just don’t get why it gets me down still nor why I still seem to be on the end of his doled out shit.

I’m not being a troll at all I was just asking you do you call him and text him without news about yourself? Shall I take that as a no you don’t?

And if he had had any intention of phoning back he would have done but surprise not a peep and no one is that busy that within 4 mins of calling they are totally uncontactable. On the test, I wanted to speak and engage. The test was more about it didn’t matter what it is, he won’t engage and therefore as pp have said I will not get anywhere. It was nothing to do with him. He wouldn’t give enough of a shit.

I’ve never started my own thread... I just respond so don’t where you got that from? In my opinion you’ve come across as ungracious, now ultimately my opinion doesn’t matter stranger on the internet but you’re very defensive and quite rude, so maybe you’re like this to your brother also? I don’t know I’m just guessing. Lastly, I don’t swear at people so maybe look in the mirror before you start calling troll.

OP I cut all contact with my brother this year. He was much the same as yours: disparaging, disinterested and condescending. I spent a lot of time trying to have some kind of meaningful relationship with him and I felt constantly humiliated by his low level rejection and dismissal. What I eventually realised is that he simply doesn't love me the way I love him. Now in my case my brother did something very stupid and I effectively told him I was done with him. In all honesty I told him in such a way that's there's pretty much no going back from, but it had to be that way to stop the death by a thousand cuts that I felt our relationship had turned into for me. I can honestly tell you that something inside me has lightened since doing so. I will probably never have a relationship with him again but he lives abroad so that won't be too difficult, however I feel just better. I'm happier. I hated chasing my own brother for the love and support I should have just received naturally. I did feel humiliated before. But I don't now. The trade off in terms of self respect and peace of mind are more than worth it. I suggest you consider the same...

Some very strange answers on here.

I get what you mean, OP. I think he's comfortable feeling he can look down on you and now he's unnerved in case he can't do that any more.

You have to stop wanting a relationship with him. He sounds absolutely horrible and you are demeaning yourself by trying to keep in touch. Don't do it to yourself.

Witchinaditch - another thread you commented on I should have said. Something about someone taking 4 bottles of wine, puddings to a theirs as well as being dumped on to babysit for a whole day the next day that cost the OP over £100 And there wasn’t even a thank you ... but as opposed to the other person being a CF it was the OPs problem as she was lauding it over them cos she was richer... and now I being ungracious? Do pray tell how???

Stop testing him. Stop trying to get one over him Stop waiting by the phone for him to respond or fir you to gloat.
Get on with your own life and leave him be .
He will find out eventually. If he needs to know then he will contact you.

I literally have no idea what your talking about, but whatever. You do sound ungracious to me and have still not said if you call and text him when you don’t have news about yourself? This is just how you’re coming across to me but what do I know/care. Let’s just leave it now as you taking your anger for your brother out on me isn’t really that helpful.

Then you obviously don’t remember the threads you comment on. Check advanced search. A) I have already said that I do B) you haven’t told me how I am being ungracious.

You’re right of course I don’t remember the threads I comment on- who does? By being desperate to tell your brother (who you claim to have a bad relationship with) about your news but not just texting him and by “testing” him to me it sounds ungracious, even if he’s like ghat to you you could choose to be the bigger person. You clearly disagree, but like I’ve also said- who cares really cares? Not me I’ll have forgotten you and this thread soon if my previous comments are anything to go on as you’ve pointed out 😂

Your DB is a tosser. Stop playing in to his hands by seeking his approval, you will never get it.

Let him find out your achievements (well done btw) through someone else and he can either show them what an arse he is by being shitty or put on a smile for his sister. Win win.

With some people you have to take the al anon approach "I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it,"

Three texts to say I had some big news and a couple of calls and no response over 24 hours

That’s pretty obnoxious of you.

Really mimsnethe? Can you explain?

@Cushionsarecomfie you've had some good advice on this thread. And a few of us have taken the time to share personal stories. But it seems that all you want to do is start arguments with people about trivia. Maybe the problem is how you interact with others after all. Good luck with your brother, I suspect you're going to need it.

I had/ve a needy brother. It took until DM passed away for me to decide no more stress/money loans/ advice (never followed)/ sympathetic ear (every time)/ support . It was like a cloud lifted from my shoulders, such relief, and, suprisingly, our relationship, though occasional now, is better. And, obviously, more balanced.

Hope it is similar for you OP.

So you arnt rich enough for your DB but you put a teaser in your text relating to this.

So you won the lottery...

Are you always this argumentative?

To be honest if someone sent me messages like I’ve got big news.... it would piss me off.
It’s energy stealing. Just share your news or don’t. But don’t drag it out.
However from comments you’ve said he’s said he also sounds patronising.
Generally it takes two to create this situations.

Hello again OP, I don’t understand the four minutes thing. Do you mean he didn’t call you back within four minutes of you calling him, or you tried to call four minutes after you missed his call and then he didn’t pick up?

OP you seem very angry. And up for a fight.

Not really. Tbh I have been very grateful for the advice and disengaged with him. I certainly didn’t mean to steal his energy and I certainly didn’t mean to be a tease. I just wanted a decent relationship where you shared good news as I certainly hear his. But it doesn’t matter. It’s done now. So thanks all.

Bella. I called him back after 4 mins but he didn’t pick up. I am not that unreasonable!