DB’s reaction

[Cushionsarecomfie]

So I have posted before that DB told me when I started my business it would be no more than a hobby and even 10 years and a successful business model on ‘your thing would be the first to go in a time of economic pressure’. Indeed, it’s very obvious in his mind I am inferior and just a user (which is hilarious considering his wife doesn’t work and never has). Anyway I have done something, it’s outing to say what but it’s pretty huge and one of those things people always have on their list of things to do. I have told my parents (who can be a bit narc) but who been surprisingly pleased and they could have well told him (in as much as it’s not a secret now) but I thought I better make contact and tell him myself. Three texts to say I had some big news and a couple of calls and no response over 24 hours. I then got a call from him but unfortunately was on the phone myself. Less than 5 mins later and I called back a few times but no answer from his end .... just a text 45 mins on saying ‘now tied up - will call over the weekend’. Yes, I know there was a will call but he never does (his oldest friends who I see more than him say it’s all cos we aren’t rich enough for him and his wife now) and even when I put a teaser in my response to that - nothing. I may just need a head wobble but I just don’t get why it gets me down still nor why I still seem to be on the end of his doled out shit.

If my sibling texted me they had big news I'd be right back to them. I wouldn't see it as a negative!

Families are strange. You're excited to tell him he's meh back. Sounds like it goes way back.

Sorry OP. Well done 👍 on what you've achieved. He's not going to be the brother you want.

The thing is, you dont have a normal relationship. Why would this one situation be different.

It's difficult to advise because the way you are coming across, seems that you might be (at least) part of the problem. But it maybe how you write.

If a relative who I an not close to contacted me only to tell me their achievements I would be a bit 'wtf?'.

He did call you back. And yes, he may have been busy straight after. He may have thought, that as you didnt answer he would move on to whatever he was doing next.

It does sound strange if you have a goid sibling relationship.
The OP does not and has come to the realisation she needs to put boundaries in place and stop seeking approval that she will never get.
Its the same with family threads on here .
Unpleasant,narc family members and someone always pipes up with "oh poor old lady left on their own"
Not all families are like the bloody Waltons 😂
OP is realising what her part in this has been and is going to change, thats all you can do, you cant change others

Some posters on this thread are giving the OP a hard time. I totally understand the OP's frustration. Why is it so difficult for the OP's brother to show some interest in her life, her work an her achievements?
Unless of course there is a massive backstory that OP hasn't told us (I'm thinking family dynamics going back to theirchildhoods).

Ha Fair enough OP, that’s what I was wondering!

I love all my siblings, but I don’t really have a relationship where I would text them out of the blue to share my news. I’d wait til I next saw them and have a catch up chat (they’d probably hear about it via DM and get in touch. We’re not super close, so texting them out of the blue with my achievements just seems a bit unusual. My bro has a different approach he puts all his news on social media, I give it a like to show interest. We chat about it when we catch up. We’re happy for each other, but we’re just not invested in each other’s lives - we’re all quite different. DH is the same with his sibs.

If I wanted to share my news with a friend, I’d just put the news in a text, ‘omg I just got accepted to jump in the next space shuttle to Mars’ (Or whatever the news is). I wouldn’t send them a teaser and expect them to drop everything to find out what it was. Though most of my friends, I’m sure, would reply to my good news as soon as they could (and I to them..)

I think maybe just find some people who are interested to share your news with and accept that your bro has other things going on.

you come across as having a chip on your shoulder OP. Maybe it is not all him.

it’s very obvious in his mind I am inferior and just a user (which is hilarious considering his wife doesn’t work and never has).

What has his wife's status got to do with anything? Because she Is a housewife or SAHM she is by default inferior and a user?

Your responses to one poster @Witchinaditch are over the top, quoting previous irrelevant comments on prior threads.

Sending 3 text messages with a teaser... a teaser oh come on. You sound maybe a bit difficult and judgemental, he might find you difficult. Either way I'd stop looking for his approval, it is only making you feel frustrated and hurt.

Some of you suggested the OP should stop seeking her brother's approval, stop getting in touch, etc. It still won't explain to her why her brother doesn't take an interest in her career and her achievements.
Why is it so difficult for the DB to show some respect, and to be happy for his own sibling's success?
Stories like this make me feel pleased I am an only child. No silly sibling rivalry here, thank goodness.

If he thinks you are inferior and a loser, he's not going to want to hear anything to counter that. He's going to want to keep you in the box he has you. That won't change if that's his mentality. In fact he will go above and beyond to avoid such news, downplay it or belittle it.

You have to accept that if that's the case. You can't change a mentality like that, you can only protect yourself. Don't share good news, don't listen to any jibes and be disinterested towards his own. You arent friends, not close and if he does have that mentality then frankly, you are both competition or entertainment for him.

It's horrible when a sibling shits on your parade but sadly he is most likely jealous of your achievements.
Don't look for his approval - it is never going to happen.
You don't need anyone to validate you - except you.

Enjoy your success and share it with people who will be happy for you - a much nicer experience.

DH's sister is competitive. Once she did a big 'reveal' of her new car on the family WhatsApp group. It included 'teaser' photos of the wheels etc. I'm not sure why she thought everyone else was waiting with baited breath to find out what her new car was.

If she sent three texts and a teaser message to tell DH something about her career I think he'd think she was just being a massive show off, and I don't think he would engage with her either.