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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my partner being selfish

87 replies

Lindasmt1 · 18/10/2019 16:34

My adult son committed suicide 3 weeks ago out of the blue he seemed happy the way his life was and making plans for his future so it has totally thrown me and I am extremely not happy and grieving.
I collected his ashes the other day and was really upset. That night my partner asked for sex I told him I wasnt in the mood as haven't been since this has all happened and he turned round to me and said that I've not to ignore his needs. Aibu thinking that was really selfish of him whole I am grieving for my 1st born

OP posts:
Ragwort · 18/10/2019 16:36

I am so very sorry, of course your DP is being totally insensitive, how dare he talk about ‘his needs’. I can’t believe anyone could behave like that. My deepest sympathy to you.

Blanca87 · 18/10/2019 16:37

What a cunt he is. Bin him. I am so, so sorry for your loss. 💐

NoSauce · 18/10/2019 16:37

Of course you’re not unreasonable OP. I’m very sorry to hear about your son, what an awful shock for you. Your partner sounds very selfish and uncaring. Please look after yourself Flowers

Stickysnot · 18/10/2019 16:37

Bloody hell , of course you’re not !
I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

LagunaBubbles · 18/10/2019 16:39

So sorry for your loss. This is a time where any normal decent partner would be stepping up to support you, not try to emotionally blackmail you into sex.

ThreeLittleDots · 18/10/2019 16:39

Sorry for your loss OP, you're going through a horrendous time and selfish wouldn't be the word I'd use to describe his behaviour... Nasty, revolting, abusive, misogynistic pig of a man.

Zebraaa · 18/10/2019 16:41

This is horrendous. He shouldn’t be asking ANYTHING of you.

mbosnz · 18/10/2019 16:42

I am so sorry for your loss. This is truly devastating, and it's going to take you a good long while to get to the point where you can live with the pain and grief without being overwhelmed by it.

Your partner is being utterly and incomprehensibly callous, unsympathetic, and selfish. I'd go so far as to say cruel.

PrettyPurse · 18/10/2019 16:43

My god. What a nasty man. You've lost your precious boy and that's all he gives a shit about.

DeathStare · 18/10/2019 16:43

I've never said this on here before but leave the bastard. Seriously.

I'm so sorry about your son. Nobody with even a shred of decency would do what your "D"P did

Princessfaffalot · 18/10/2019 16:44

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your partner is an insensitive arsehole.

gwackywacky · 18/10/2019 16:44

What a fucking bastard. Get rid of him OP. May your son rest in peace. I hope you can be strong Flowers

VickyEadieofThigh · 18/10/2019 16:45

I'm going to use a word I've never, ever (I'm 61) used before.

The man's a total cunt. Bin him.

justthecat · 18/10/2019 16:48

Very sorry for your loss 💐💐 that’s disgusting behaviour of him, he should be putting all his focus on your well being.
I’d think seriously about taking the relationship any further.
🌺

NatashaRomanov · 18/10/2019 16:50

My deepest sympathy for your loss.

Your partner is being a selfish asshole.

LordNibbler · 18/10/2019 16:51

I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine the pain your heart must be feeling right now. Flowers

Servalan · 18/10/2019 16:53

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for your partner's behaviour and attitude. He should be giving you time, space and doing everything he humanly can to be supporting you during this awful time.

Flowers
Pretzelcoatl · 18/10/2019 16:53

He may also be grieving, and looking for something positive to alleviate that, however briefly.

Sure, the way he said it wasn’t the best, but he’s your partner and you know him. Could his needs also be grief that he needs help dealing with?

Rivkka · 18/10/2019 16:53

I agree with Vicky.

I'm so Sorry about your son.

SpamChaudFroid · 18/10/2019 16:54

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You must still be a jibbering wreck only 3 weeks since losing your son.

A decent partner would be concentrating on your needs and how best to support you. Not demanding you service him. He should be ashamed of himself.

Beveren · 18/10/2019 16:55

He's not only selfish, he's utterly stupid. How could anyone with a functioning brain cell think satisfying his needs is more important than coping with your grief only three weeks after this awful tragedy?

I'm so very sorry about your son, OP.

Windygate · 18/10/2019 16:55

This selfish man isn't the person to support you through your grief. I am so very sorry for your loss Flowers

CallmeAngelina · 18/10/2019 16:55

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thanks
Is this bastard the father of your son? Or a more recent relationship?

TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble · 18/10/2019 16:56

YANBU at all. You are still in the middle of raw, immediate grief.

He's an arse.

SpamChaudFroid · 18/10/2019 16:57

*He may also be grieving, and looking for something positive to alleviate that, however briefly.

Sure, the way he said it wasn’t the best, but he’s your partner and you know him. Could his needs also be grief that he needs help dealing with?*

Ignore the above man-centering babble above.