To want to give it one more go having a baby at 40 after 2 miscarriages?

[Jojowash]

Hi guys,

Really want your opinions on this..

AIBU..

I am 40 and I have two boys 14 and 16.

We decided to try for another baby fell pregnant easily but lost first at 9 weeks and second at 6 weeks.

The trauma is quite horrific going through the miscarriage itself as well as a complete shock and feelings of loss and failure.

But the urge has grown. They told me i basically have a 50/50 chance of mc.

Would you try just one more time?

Sorry for your loss.

Only you know if it is that important to you.

After 7 miscarriages under 12 weeks I saw a consultant specialising in early miscarriage at the clinic below and my daughter was born less than a year later.

www.agoraclinic.co.uk

Definitely yes. I had 2 "false starts" in my 20's before succeeding in carrying a baby to term. So I certainly wouldn't give up yet. I'm sure you'll know when enough is enough if it keeps happening, but I hope you won't need to find that out.

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Oh was trying to add you all
And physically can't. Just wanted to say thank you for all your opinions, it's
Really good to get a over view on it all. It's needed, good or bad.

Thank you Jenny xx reassuring x

I work with children with severe complex needs so I'm not blind to it at all. Although I'd say 80% of our guys were born to mothers 18-30 years old, so certainly not an age thing from where I am standing, most definitely a gene come life style effect. Yes downs is less common and that certainly is linked to older parents. But in my school of 85 students there are only 6 kids with downs. The rest learning difficulties and autism. My mums school the kids are physically disabled and those are mostly down to genetics and difficult births.

So everyone is at risk, the odds are obviously slightly higher for older mums, I'm not denying that fact at all.

I would love and support a child with complex needs if that was to happen, I hope with all my heart it wouldn't.

I look in my garden and I remember my babies playing in it, making mud pies and sand castles. I miss that. I miss rolling out a huge piece of paper and covering them in paint, letting them jump, roll and handprint to their little hearts content.

I miss breast feeding them and hearing their little content suckles, I miss waking up to their sleepy little faces and their big nappy butts. It's what I want and I can't get it out of my head. To never have that again I can't take in my head. I crave it, I long for it.

But my life is on hold, without a guarantee. Already I've been pregnant all year, with only sadness to show for it. But what if.. what if .. xx

@EagleVisionSquirrelWork

Thank you so much. I'm
So sorry for your losses. What w tough time that just of been but look at your passion for that little one.. and you got them in the end XX thank you for sharing xx

@EagleVisionSquirrelWork

No not dodgy gene so far, awaiting result of pathology on our little one x

@Orangeblossom78

Yes definitely their needs are completely different and still met. But the nurture I miss..

@mistermagpie

Yeah really is a good way of deciding. I feel truly I could manage one other mc, I think then I would feel like enough is enough. It's a strange thing. I almost wish I could get pregnant and not tell a soul, quietly miscarry and it would be easier. It my job I can't do that I have to say straight away and then I have to watch everyone else struggle, only to lose my baby and have time off to add to their stress. The children/teens I work with have challenging behaviour and complex needs so it's a very stressful and risky job.

If I could quietly be pregnant it would take some of the pressure/guilt off.

@DarlingBuds19

Yes I've now heard of that a few times, I'm now about to google and buy some. Seems to have made the difference for some people x thank you

Do it!! I'm currently trying to conceive a fourth child at 42 Wishing you best of luck

@RetreatingWeasels

Thank you so much x reassuring really reassuring.

❤️

@BooseysMom

Hey, yeah I don't think I could bring myself to tell them in that that I lost it, I was only in there reading the other day and saw my scan picture and me saying there was a heartbeat. Second scan no heartbeat 💔

Thank you for your support xx it means a lot xx

@WhoTellsYourStory

I appreciate your honesty, yeah they do need me still but not even half as much as they did. They are becoming their own little people in this already difficult world, but we made it ok didn't we ? I adapted to being a 16 year old with a 2 year old brother, actually I really enjoyed it, practice being mummy, unlike with my sister who was purely my annoying little 11 year old sister. Completely different relationship.

I think they would play a grown up part in their new siblings life. Completely different to their close brotherly relationship.

It's such a hard decision to make x

@HouseworkAvoider10

Lol I get you. I miss it.. I actually long to hear a baby cry and that I can comfort and nuture that little soul.

Sleepless nights, messy little weaning, I love it

Yes try again OP. I had 3 mcs then my 2nd DC at 45.

Go for it, be prepared for whatever you are gifted with. We tried at 40, numerous negative tests. The I fell pregnant but lost that baby very early on. Two cycles later I fell pregnant again...found out at my first scan it is twins! I've since turned 41. Now 32 weeks and waiting their arrival xxxx good luck xxxx

@Theresnobslikeshowbs

God yeah.. you don't have to tell me. My eldest is at college and he's going trigger the in between stage of child versus adult. I'm there for that. Taking away the first few weeks of a new baby demanding all your time and energy, I could still deal with that, well at least I think I can.

Yes newborn would be very demanding. But I'd still be there to pick the little drunk bugger up from the party. I'd still be waking them up at 7 to go to college and school chasing their asses to clean their bloody teeth and pack the right books.

We adapt, we don't have to substitute one of our kids needs to embrace another ones. We work hard to embrace every need of all of ur children, I hope anyway x

@Jojowash I agree about the embracing, whatever happens we deal with it and embrace it (well hopefully anyway).

But at the end of the day only you can decide if it’s that last minute panic or soon nature will take away your option of having a baby, or if you really want a baby to complete your family.

As I said, we are all difference, and it a baby is what you want, then go for it. Would you rather try, and suffer a loss of one or more babies, or rather spending the next 20+ years regretting not tying? I think that’s the decider.

I hope you are able to make w decision and it turns out the way you wish.

I had teenagers and suffered 3 miscarriages at 39/40. One last time was successful and we had our gorgeous boy.
He's a joy for us all....much loved by all
And he had helped us get through some very difficult and upsetting years.

@DDiva

Thank you for your help, just had a look at website. It's. In Brighton isn't it?

@peachycore

Thank you sweetheart x

@nopenotplaying

Wow twins, what a happy surprise. Thank you for you support and goodluck in your little Twinnies arrival. How
Exciting x

Keep in touch. X

Good luck on your journey and hope you get baby number three you crave. Sending love. X

Yes I would and I did.

Big age gap here and my last chance baby after 2 losses is now a 3 year old little dynamo . Good luck.

I figured better to regret what I did than what I didn’t do.

I had my DS when I was 25. When he was 10 I met someone new and when he was 11 we started TTC, we had no luck after a couple of years we had tests which were all normal, 9 cycles of clomid which resulted in a missed miscarriage then 3 cycles of IUI, followed by another miscarriage. By this time I was 40 and had given up. Then my wonderful DD came along when I was 41 and her big brother was 16 so it can happen. It was without a doubt a difficult time and an emotional rollercoaster but I’d say never to give up hope.

Best of luck whatever you decide

Unsure if it’s poppycock or not but took robitussin cough syrup daily, so many people online said it was good for mucus. Possibly hocus locus who knows? But I did on the successful month.