AiBU to worry about my daughter?

[ineedaholiday2]

My daughter (11) goes to an all-girls school. Today she heard rumours from other girls that her form tutor is a pedophile. I asked her what evidence, if any, there was and she said the others girls hadn't say. Now I know this might be a malicious rumour, but I can't stop worrying. What if it's true? AIBU? What would you do in my place?

I was also surprised at the number of people immediately dismissing the rumours.

@StillCoughingandLaughing I think you don't understand when people give examples. My point is a child shouldn't be immediately branded a gossip! Also about losing arguments. Not here to win or lose, pathetic person. I would advise the parent who started this thread to go to the school speak to the headmaster even to simply get to the nott and if anything stop these files and show them there are repercussions for lies. On the other hand never brand your child a gossip if they come to you telling you about school! That's just plain stupid and makes the relationship of trust already problematic. And again @stillcoughing you should stop your hate crusade. Weir weird person!

Bottom not *nott

I have read the first two pages and I am so angry, absolutely fuming at people who say you are unreasonable!

You might want to RTFT at the many people that explain clearly the difference between someone saying "so and so is a paedo" vs "so and so likes to look down my top". Blanket comment with no cause vs actual safeguarding concern.

As a mother we worry anyway, but if my daughter came and told me this I would never consider it gossip! She is only 11!

You honestly think 11 year old girls don't gossip?
11 year old boys defo do, it's been a long time since I was 11 but I seem to remember similar happening.
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I would go and speak to the headteacher discreetly even if only to discuss whether they could speak to the girls and get to the bottom of it. I rather be safe then sorry. To everyone who thinks you're unreasonable for worrying, or calling your daughter speaking to you 'gossiping', they should be ashamed. Very very ashamed especially after the recent news of the nursery school paedophile Vanessa George's story!*

Why are you comparing 11 year olds saying "he's a paedo" with nothing behind the claim and a prolific paedophile who only got caught because the person she was sending images of babies to got caught? She worked in nurseries with babies. Not even remotely the same. My son was in Nursery in Plymouth at the time of her arrest.

I'm not ashamed for not taking seriously young preteens random claims seriously. My son said his HOY is a perv the other day - I asked why he thinks that and he said "he works in a school". 🙄 I've not spoken to the head about it yet.

The OP has said nothing beyond a random claim with nothing further. On the basis of that information I think the head would roll their eyes a little at getting forced to investigate a teacher employed with a DBS, references, etc etc etc.

Lots of people have talked about their school years. There were two teachers who ended up with students at my school. They are both still married to them starting the relationship in sixth form. It wasn't appropriate at all. LOTS has changed since I was at secondary school. The checks and balances are far far far more robust.

I've also known a male and female teacher

If the OP had said I'm concerned, my daughter is creeped out by this teacher, he keeps her friend in all the time, and looks at her funny could he be a danger I would have responded very differently.

Hating autocorrect! Girls not files. Also surprised at how many people immediately dismiss this @shearwater*

Just to be clear - all a DBS means is that the person has been checked for any offence that the police considers needs to be disclosed in relation to their position.

If the person has not been caught before, or has been charged or convicted of what the police consider an irrelevant charge then they may not be flagged up . DBS can lead to a false sense of security.

Amazing how many people say there's a minuscule chance of this being true. In my five years at secondary school two teachers were outed as pedophiles, one with incidents dating back to when my 45yo mil went to school. One of them apparently hadn't intended to start a relationship with the 14year old girl, hasn't even realised she could have feelings for a girl, but still ultimately groomed the child by going to her with issues, keeping her inside during break and lunch to talk, taking her away on holiday. It was disgusting to read when it all came out. I'd heard about the rumours about a year before the truth came out, had told the person who told me to report but didn't do anything myself. I wish I had, but at 16 myself I thought that if I had no evidence, was about to leave the school, and barely knew the girl or teacher that I wouldn't be believed. The other teacher was placed on leave pending investigation in my first few weeks of secondary school and never returned, the following year it all came out. That was kept very quiet though, and even my mil said there had been rumours and everyone had known for 30 years but because nobody ever spoke up he was allowed to continue preying on the girls.
Three teachers from a nearby school have been found out in the last ten years.

Another school nearby has had at least two in the last ten years as well.
My school was a twenty minute drive away from one of these, and that one was a twenty minute drive from the other.
Please don't dismiss rumours, go to the school, say your daughter came home saying she'd heard someone call the teacher a pedophile, if you can give a name excellent as then the child can be questioned and either it will be proven true or hopefully it will just be a malicious rumour and the child will be punished

Having said that when we were at school there was a rumour about our maths teacher, who was also a photographer, and a girl in our class - she would ask to see him alone and he’d say it wasn’t appropriate - but then she’d tell us he’d ask to photograph her. She had a difficult homelife - with hindsight I hope he was helping a vulnerable girl.

And again @stillcoughing you should stop your hate crusade. Weir weird person!

‘Hate crusade’? Christ, I thought you were just thick, but you’re actually deranged.

Who has said it doesn’t happen? Certainly not me. The only bizarre thing here is people suggesting ‘I knew someone abused by a teacher in 1994; therefore this unrelated scenario can’t be just gossip’.

Actually people are saying don't just dismiss it as gossip, talk to the head teacher. What is amazing is the number of people utterly convinced this is absolutely gossip - not a glimmer of a doubt without any other evidence than what the OP has said - that these are 11 year old girls. the witches are coming for the teacher (that is pretty much a quote).

Plus the naive posts about "oh if it were true, he wouldn't be teaching/would be in prison" Do people really not read the news?

It may be true - in which case talk to the headmistress
It may be malicious gossip - in which case talk to the headmistress.

But anyone who would utterly dismiss their 11 year old if they said this is a poor parent. I posted a link to a story in my local paper within the past week - girl suspended from school for 3 days for "malicious gossip" about a teacher. She was right and he was having sex with students.

Surely the sensible thing here is to have a word with the Head?
Even if they are just rumours, they need shutting down quickly.

I don't think it would cause unwarranted attention to your DD, she's just heard a rumour that's concerning. She hasn't started the rumours or spread it, she's simply confided in you OP, which was the right thing to do and the Head will agree.