AiBU to worry about my daughter?

[ineedaholiday2]

My daughter (11) goes to an all-girls school. Today she heard rumours from other girls that her form tutor is a pedophile. I asked her what evidence, if any, there was and she said the others girls hadn't say. Now I know this might be a malicious rumour, but I can't stop worrying. What if it's true? AIBU? What would you do in my place?

I would ring the school and warn them the witches are hunting a teacher

@ineedaholiday2 I remember when I was at school a girl in my class starting a rumor that our form teacher was a pedophile because he told her off in class and I dunno she felt he embarrassed her I guess. He ended up leaving I can't say it was for that reason but i wouldn't be surprised as he used to get some abuse. Now I think back he was actually a good teacher and I bet this was a really upsetting experience for him. Girls can be very unkind at this age. Unless you have any proof I'd leave well alone.

It’s definitely a malicious rumor. YABU.

I had a teacher at high school, who all the girls felt very uncomfortable around. He was very creepy and would try to chat up and offer lifts home to girls he saw off the school grounds. Several years later, he has been imprisoned for child sexual abuse spanning over 20yrs. We all had a feeling he was a pervert and were correct. It's not always just teenage girls having a malicious gossip.

Obviously find out the facts, but sometimes the rumours are true and I am surprised how many people are just immediately saying to ignore it.

You need to take it to the Head.

I'm not getting into whether it is true or not, but the whole thing needs to be brought to the attention of the Head.

This thread shows why teen girls are such an easy target. Whatever they say gets dismissed. If completely without any cause, then that behaviour needs addressing.

I have read the first two pages and I am so angry, absolutely fuming at people who say you are unreasonable! As a mother we worry anyway, but if my daughter came and told me this I would never consider it gossip! She is only 11! I would go and speak to the headteacher discreetly even if only to discuss whether they could speak to the girls and get to the bottom of it. I rather be safe then sorry. To everyone who thinks you're unreasonable for worrying, or calling your daughter speaking to you 'gossiping', they should be ashamed. Very very ashamed especially after the recent news of the nursery school paedophile Vanessa George's story!

If there was any truth in it, the teacher would be suspended pending investigation. It's kids being cruel, and just being kids. They've learnt what pedophile means and are using the word without thinking of the consequences. I remember in primary school someone had said the word sex, we didn't really understand it but knew it was a 'bad/rude' word and used it completely in the wrong context and laughed our heads off thinking we were clever! Ignore it, and tell your DD it's a very cruel thing to spread rumours, and explain what damage rumours like that can do, and she might think twice about continuing to spread the vile rumour.

I have read the first two pages and I am so angry, absolutely fuming at people who say you are unreasonable! As a mother we worry anyway, but if my daughter came and told me this I would never consider it gossip! She is only 11!

Why would you never consider it gossip? Why wouldn’t you want something at least vaguely resembling evidence first? The OP’s daughter hasn’t even said she’s seen anything untoward; there hasn’t even been a specific rumour. It IS just gossip. It might be the kind of gossip the OP thinks should be reported to the school. But anyone taking it at face value would be a fool.

Oh, and being ‘only 11!’ does not stop you being a gossip.

Well I want to leap on the YABU bandwagon but at my all girls we gossiped about the music teacher being a creep and he was sacked for shagging a 15yr old during piano lessons.

Likewise I'm afraid. It was an open secret among the students at my school that one of the history teachers liked to get a bit over friendly with girls he'd invite into his office for extra "help". No one ever did anything. Until he took a 15 year old girl home and shagged her.

There may well be absolutely nothing to it but a) presumably they are not saying he is an actual convicted paedophile that the school would know about and b) she's just come home and told her mum what she's heard, no suggestion that she's "gossiping" herself and OP hasn't given any identifying details. So why can't OP consider whether or not she should be worried?

I wouldn't go round to all and sundry suggesting he was, but you'd be a bit naive if you weren't slightly concerned and wanting to know if there is any actual basis for this claim.

Likewise I'm afraid. It was an open secret among the students at my school that one of the history teachers liked to get a bit over friendly with girls he'd invite into his office for extra "help". No one ever did anything. Until he took a 15 year old girl home and shagged her.

When are people going to get that it doesn’t matter how many stories like this they know - none of them are relevant here.

I am actually pretty disgusted too by the amount of people who have decided this isn't true and branded these kids "evil" "malicious" or "witches" with "pitchforks". Some of the arguments against "ruining people's lives" sound very like those of MRAs who say women frequently make up rape. Nobody on this thread actually knows, which is why it shouldn't either be believed or not believed at this stage.

And to those who think this couldn't possibly happen because of background checks, you do realise that there is a first time that someone gets caught, right? On another thread people would be all "you can't be too safe" and advocating reporting to SS.

You absolutely do need a dual approach on this OP. I don't think speaking to the mum of the girl you said it is a bad idea if you think she is someone who can be approached sensitively and in confidence.

When are people going to get that this DOES actually happen? so yes it is relevant @StillCoughingandLaughing, because the point is just because people are talking about it doesn't automatically make it not true, as people seem to have bizarrely decided here.

All the girls at my school could have been dismissed as a bunch of malicious witches too.

When I was at primary school it was well known that you NEVER went into the headmasters office on your own. He was known for "inappropriate touching"-boys and girls. Sadly this was never repeated to parents-different times then.
If it was me I would ask your daughter what the basis is for her saying that. If it's just gossip then it needs to stop. If there is some sort of foundation then you must report it

And how, I wonder would a load of teenage girls with no actual evidence, would be aware of this information before the police and the school

By actual evidence I mean they don't have a reason for saying it. They just told your dd this teacher is a paedophile but didn't give any other information as to why they think that, or where they heard it?

@StillCoughingandLaughing cough and laugh away all you like! What I mean is that her 11! Year old child heard these girls gossiping and mentioning this to her mother is not gossiping but shows an 11 year old child worried or concerned enough to speak to her mother. And I applaud the type of relationship where children can speak to their parent. If she poopoos her 11! Year old child's concerns as gossip that sets a bad precedent for any future concerns. You either don't have children or don't care enough/simply would brand your kid a gossip! My 3 year old toddler came from nursery and said teacher shouted at her (she is extremely shy) - I went and calmly explained to teacher what my 3 year old said and the teacher actually admitted she raised her voice! At no time should you ever disbelieve your child just because it is unlikely to happen. Things like that can happen and do happen. All I suggested is she speaks to headmaster to get to bottom of it. Even if it ensures that if they are lies these girls would be aware that their false words/lies will have repercussions! If indeed they are untrue.

Ok I'm going to be devils advocate here, because there were a few teachers at school who had rumours going around about them, and they were really dodgy in their ways they treated students.

I suggest you speak to DD for two reasons, the first being, to ask her what impression she has of this teacher from her own dealings with him. He he said or done anything that makes her believe that these rumours could have truth to them.

Then moving on I would be explaining to her the effect rumours can have on this man's life? His career could be gone because of silly rumours, explain to her that she is not to have any part in the rumour spreading because its vile and could cause some very serious consequences to teacher and their career.
If she ever has a complaint or concern, she needs to go direct to the teachers superior and not spread it through gossip channels at school.

When are people going to get that this DOES actually happen? so yes it is relevant @StillCoughingandLaughing, because the point is just because people are talking about it doesn't automatically make it not true, as people seem to have bizarrely decided here.

Who has said it doesn’t happen? Certainly not me. The only bizarre thing here is people suggesting ‘I knew someone abused by a teacher in 1994; therefore this unrelated scenario can’t be just gossip’.

fucking hell, people REALLY hate teenage girls on here, don't they🤮

2 teachers at our school had rumours like this, one completely innocent just a vicious lie from a pissed off teenager and the other got sacked shortly after I left for being paedophiles related charges. First teacher had nothing amiss about them, second teacher had 1 girl sit on his lap most lessons and had very clear 'favourites' - presumably he was caught with inappropriate behaviour. We never reported it as we were 13/14 and it became weirdly normal, horrifying looking back as an adult. Just educate her on staying alert but dont give these rumours any more time unless you hear of actual evidence.

Kids do come out with stuff like that sometimes, it only takes one to say something and others jump on the bandwagon. Very unfair. Teachers are thoroughly checked. Yes I know some can slip through the net but it's not easy to do that.

I'd bet you anything your daughter's teacher is not a paedophile. Tell her not to listen to gossip or spread scandal.

You either don't have children or don't care enough/simply would brand your kid a gossip!

Oh, it’s the old ‘You haven’t got children, you couldn’t possibly understand’ line, is it? That’s the easiest way to lose an argument.

My 3 year old toddler came from nursery and said teacher shouted at her (she is extremely shy) - I went and calmly explained to teacher what my 3 year old said and the teacher actually admitted she raised her voice!

‘A teacher shouted at me!’ and ‘A teacher is a paedo’ aren’t quite on the same level, are they?

Yup. Passed all the police check, and interviews. Unmasked by some Scooby-esque girls in form class and I'm asked to the unsuspecting head teacher next assembly. I would be immediately informing the school than some girls are spreading this rumour, even if u willing to divulge their names. Although given they are happy to through his name and reputation around and stamp on it, I fail to see why you would protect theirs. Let the school deal with it and explain that's how to do things to your daughter not Ali k around whispering potentially life altering and destroying rumours if no proof

So I did talk with her and she understood that, without evidence, it's just gossip and she shouldn't spread it. But I also told her to be cautious. I am glad that she confided in me to tell me this, and I am sure she will tell me more things in the future.

I would like to tell the head, so they can be aware and either keep an eye or try to mitigate the rumours, but I wouldn't want to do this and draw attention to my daughter. I thought of writing an anonymous note explaining what I had heard, but then again it worries me I might be causing more harm than good.