To ask you how much your DH/DP really does around the house?

[Pammync]

I’ve been reading with interest the recent threads about “man child” husbands who contribute very little inside and outside of the home. More than anything, I was surprised to see how many people don’t seem to think this is the norm and claim to have wonderful partners/husbands who contribute equal amounts to chores or even do the majority around the house! Where on earth do people find these miracle men?! I’ve been married twice (now divorced) and have had numerous LT relationships over the years. Every single man I have ever been with has been pretty much useless and reluctant to do anything without being nagged and even then it’s never to a good standard. Friends and family members who are married or in relationships all have had the same experience and consider it to be the norm.

Over the last few years I’ve remained single, resigning myself to the fact that men who are clean and tidy, want to proactively contribute to a clean household and share the load when it comes to chores in general simply don’t exist and I’m not suited to being in a relationship.

Reading through the hundreds of posts claiming that such behaviour isn’t the norm, I’m genuinely interested to hear what IS now the norm in your relationships re who does what around the house and how you share the load in general? If things have really changed I better get dating again.

My husband works full time and I'm a sahp. He does 50% of the work when he's home , we share the cooking and washing up. I tend to do our laundry as it gets done first thing while he's at work. He loves to cook and often bakes at weekends. I'd say that we're both functional adults that crack on with something if we notice that it needs doing.

My exh was a lazy , sexist pig so I'm aware that both types of person exist.

I'm a bit surprised it's so rare and incredible. I just took it for granted that we're both equally responsible for running the household, and that we're equally capable also.

Ditto with the guys I flatted with. And the guys DH flatted with. Although admittedly, they seemed strangely blind to the disgusting mess they made of the toilet. And the guys DH flatted with.

Oh, one ex boyfriend seemed to develop a bad case of manchilditis when we lived together. Or tried to. Definitely part of the reason we didn't last. Arsehole.

Mine was in NZ when I found him, to be fair. I don't know if that makes a difference or not!

I’m very sceptical of the posters here who claim their partner does loads. Because in RL I don’t know anyone , whereas it seems to be every second poster on MN. I suspect they are men posting to say how great they are.

So you're basically saying people who don't live with and would never put up with a skanky manchild who sees women has handy domestic appliances is a liar and a troll. I mean, if you're going to troll hunt, why not have the balls to do it and own it openly?

Assuming this also allows you to put up with your bar which is so low a flea could limbo under it.

I'm at SAHM. We have a 13 month old and an 8yr old. DP works Mon-Fri, 40 hours a week.

I:
Cook all meals/prepare all snacks
Clean the floors
Clean the kitchen/bathroom
Food shopping
Change the cat litter

DP:
Hoovers
Changes the beds
Does the washing up
Dusts
Puts the bins out
Gardening once in a blue moon

We both wash/hang the clothes but I would say I do it the majority of the time. DP is naturally a much tidier person than I am.

Ok so we recently hired a cleaner. She comes every second Saturday and we love her.

DP does the dishes - always- his offer
DP irons EVERYTHING
I cook (he cooks sometimes too)
I plan
I do the laundry
We pretty much do the grocery shopping together but any of us will pick up bits and bobs from time to time (we do a big shop monthly and then top up as we go)

I’m lucky. Mine does around 70% of the workload and we both have demanding jobs.

It's funny how a man not doing any housework is somehow the fault of his "Mummy" for not training him up, or his wife for "setting the bar low".
If my son turns out to be a lazy sod I'm not bloody taking the blame!

I’m very sceptical of the posters here who claim their partner does loads. Because in RL I don’t know anyone , whereas it seems to be every second poster on MN. I suspect they are men posting to say how great they are.

I think there are several more plausible reasons. Firstly, that women who are happy with their partner's contribution are more likely to talk about it or post on a thread about it. Other people might be embarrassed or ashamed or not really want to discuss something they're unhappy about. Secondly, that MN could just be a different demograph from your real-life circle. In my own real-life circle, there's a more realistic mix I think. Certainly there are plenty of men who do their fair share, as far as I'm aware, among close friends and family, as well as quite a few who don't.

I work 3 days a week and am off with toddler DD 2 days. He works full time. We have a cleaner once a week and we're both pretty tidy so never really have to "do tidying" as such, besides DD's toys at the end of the day.

He does:

• Dinner pretty much every night and clears up afterwards
• Garden
• Bins
• DD's bedtime on my working days
• DD's dinner and bathtime on my non-working days and weekends
• Occasionally helps put washing away
• Car maintenance and mental load of car bills etc
• Takes DD out for a couple of hours at the weekend so I get a break

I do:

• All laundry and most of the putting away
• Empty dishwasher daily
• Wiping down kitchen every day
• Cleaning toilets
• Finances, household bills and cleaner admin
• Birthdays and Christmas and other mental load stuff
• DD nursery admin
• Food shopping and meal planning
• Household shopping
• DD's meals

I (and he) would say that I do more overall but his is condensed to straight after work which is when I'm most knackered and just want to rest, so we're both pretty happy with the arrangements.

He does all the shopping. He's great at DIY and has probably saved us a small fortune on the work he has done on our house. He sorts out the bins and recycling. Anything to do with the car is his thing. He sees to the pets - walks the dog and vet visits. He deals with the bills.

I do the laundry,cooking and most of the cleaning but he will muck in if I ask him.

I recently had a hysterectomy and he did everything for a few months. I felt quite pampered, having breakfast in bed!

We don't work. Both retired.

I think the amount of work we both put in to the running of the house is pretty even. I'm happy with it.

My dh was 35 and living alone when we met. He was perfectly able to feed himself and wash his clothes and clean his home. He just continued doing that when we moved in together. I never criticised how he does things and he doesn’t criticise my housework either.
Fifteen years later with dcs and he does all the food shopping and meal planning and most of the cooking and kitchen cleaning. I do bathrooms and change bed clothes and hoover. We still mostly do our own clothes laundry as his is mostly shirts and sports kit and mine is mostly delicates.

Mine does half the cooking, and clears up when I cook.
More importantly, HE DECIDES what to cook and goes and buys the ingredients.
He will fill and empty dishwasher without prompting
I do all the laundry (which frankly is easy as I don't have to take it down to a stream and bash it against rocks). But I only wash what is in basket, I don't go looking for stuff. Very little gets ironed in this house.
He pairs up his own socks, cos I hate doing it.

He will put a new toilet roll on but will not think to ensure there is a spare for future use.

My DH is just a normal human being - no super hero or training needed to get involved with general housework. We both do the washing up, laundry, food shop, cleaning hoovering, taking bins out, cooking, dusting, all the normal things but we don't need a rota nor do we need to nag the other to do more. We just get on with it when it looks like it needs doing.

we both work fulltime and do pretty much share the jobs, he always does the food shop though because he finishes earlier on a Friday but other than that we both pitch in equally I would say, both do laundry (wash/dry/put away) We just iron as we go/need (which is virtually never for me but he has work shirts so he irons more) Whoever gets home first cooks, we all clean up after dinner etc etc It genuinely is a joint effort in our house, I wouldn't put up with an adult who thinks he should get waited on, DH was never like that anyway.

I'm a SAHM with a 3 and 1 year old.

I do all cooking, cleaning and laundry. (We do have a cleaner once a week)

He does absolutely no cooking at all which drives me insane (he will make toast/cereal for breakfasts at the weekends and brings me tea in the morning)

He changes the kitchen bins/food waste and puts them out every week.

Will wash up/help clear up from dinner every night - we either do this together if children are happy playing or I will look after them whilst he clears.

He will iron very occasionally if asked and it has piled up. (Probably only a few times a year)

He will put things in the dishwasher and put it on if full and empty it at the weekends.

We both work the same hours. He mows the lawn and does most of the gardening, he does the bins and takes out the rubbish (I don’t even know when the different ones go out!), cooks dinner around 4 times a week, runs my baths for me, puts out the washing and takes it in ( I put away the clothes). We put on a wash depending on who is around to do it. He’ll empty the dishwasher if he the one to open it first when it’s been cleaned. We go food shopping together and he carries all the bags/takes them in from the car. He also cleans out and lights / maintains the stove.

I cook around 3 times, I do the clean up after dinner and I hoover/dust/clean bathrooms and change sheets on the beds. I put away the clothes and the food. He will do any of these to help me though if I ask. The above are what he does without asking.

DP shops, shares cooking & washing up and is main taxi service. He also does gardening, bin night and runs to the tip.
I do majority of laundry, all hoovering and cleaning, some cooking and washing up.
It's probably 50/50.

Mine does most of the cooking and most of dishwasher stacking and unstacking. Probably does more hoovering than I do. He and I do about equal shares of bathroom cleaning. I am in charge of washing - he joins in where necessary. Does all ironing (although it is nearly all his). He mows the lawn. We both do cleaning/tidying when something needs doing. Think it’s pretty much equal overall.

I:
Tidy up during the day while DS and DD follow me and undo everything
Do any cleaning that needs doing
Do all the laundry
Do the grocery and top up shops
Cook 75% of the time
Do the ironing

DP:
Does the bins
Does the litter trays
Does the washing up
Cooks when I can't be bothered/if he fancies something specific
Does the bigger cleans at the weekend
Any DIY that needs doing

Both:
Tidy up when the kids are in bed

It works for us.

My DH is a miracle man and tbh, when we were dating and he said he loves to cook, I knew in my heart that he was the one.. haha. We soon got married and there never has been a day that he will not help me around the house or vice versa.

My DH does ALL the cooking. I do cleaning and laundry but he does the bathrooms. I will help him with washing the dishes while hes cooking but majority of times he will do the dishes himself. The only thing DH moans about is planning the meals. So I try my best to come up with new ideas and recipes. I do cook occasionally (say twice in a month) or times when DH would bring home some work. DH and I are a great team in the kitchen too. I would help him and when I am cooking he would help me.

Oh and he does most of the vacuuming. He's actually a breath of fresh air. Ex was not even nearly as considerate so I know how bad it can be.

Where are all these superhero husbands found?!

I found mine at a party in London.

My dad and stepdad both also do their fair share. Not sure where they were found.

Firstly must admit we are not the tidiest of people our house is most definitely lived in lol. We both do equal amounts really even though I'm currently on maternity leave I don't do that much cleaning as most days I'm out and about usually it's a quick load or unload of the dishwasher and washing machine, tumble dryer and I usually do dinner in the week. We don't really have our own jobs except dh usually does the gardening and puts the rubbish out but mainly because he remembers it more and he does it on his way out. Generally we just do whatever needs doing when we see it. Generally goes something like this - dh gets home one of us finishes off dinner and dishes up whilst other watches kids 3 and 5mths then an hour family time bedtime we do together usually one child each although we sometimes do a bit of each then a quick tidy up of dinner stuff and a bit of laundry and then an hour sit down before bed. Either Saturday or Sunday we do an hour or two whole house clean usually each do a room at a time each although just one of usually vacuums all the rooms and then put all the washing away

My DH is utterly wonderful! Works full-time in a very senior position despite still being in his 20s. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, shopping, DIY, takes the bins out (there is an even split). Although he handles all of the finances (just tells me what to put in the joint account) and he books all of our holidays after we’ve decided where to go. I handle most of the life admin.

If I’m poorly or feeling a bit blue he will take on my share of the chores and settle me in bed and wait on me hand and foot (as I do for him).

He can’t do enough to help!

We don’t have children by choice so that makes it easier to put ourselves and each other first!

I don't currently work due to mental and physical illness and we live with mil to save for a house, although that's become longer term due to fil passing. My fiance works very hard in a fairly well paid job. I do most of everything! Mil deals with laundry, bins and recycling. I do a most of cleaning, vacuuming etc, cook most evenings. DF does things when asked, most diy jobs but I see if that there are currently two people at home, he works hard so I try to make sure he has very little to do. Before living with mil and I worked we shared all jobs and cooking.