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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was just down right nasty?

127 replies

ICareEvenIfYoudont · 15/10/2019 21:12

I put a 20 second video on my social media story, of my baby kicking as I haven’t managed to get it on camera yet and this kick was huge and shocked the life out of me! I was chuffed to bits as I have anterior placenta and didn’t think I’d see or feel much.

Last week I had my 25 week appointment and again recorded the heartbeat which was lovely to hear.

I understand it doesn’t interest everybody, but family and close friends have mentioned them and said it’s wonderful, can’t wait to meet them etc. But I mainly put them in a story for me and family/friends who don’t mind or want to see. I don’t expect everyone to take an interest by any means and watching stories is totally optional, you don’t have to view someone’s story if you don’t want to!

But today at work a girl mentioned my story and said she doesn’t think anyone wants to see my belly or care about her kicking.

I know people think like that, but I would never actually say that to someone’s face and it really did get to me. I usually get along with this girl and she’s pregnant herself with her second baby so I would have thought she would understand my excitement for my first?

It’s been really bugging me all evening and I keep relaying what she said and how she said it and it’s just making me feel more humiliated and shite. I suffer quite badly with anxiety as it is and now I feel embarrassed that I have to work with her everyday and act like what she said didn’t upset me. I’ve seen pregnant women put up picture and videos and I’ve never though to myself ‘I don’t want to see that’.. and if I wasn’t interested I definitely wouldn’t say to their face that nobody cares. I think it’s just spiteful.

AIBU in thinking if you’ve got nothing nice to say then don’t say nothin’ at all? -insert mental imagine of thumper here-

OP posts:
ymf117 · 16/10/2019 00:13

Should have said that it says more about her and her friends than it does about you and yours! What an arse!

snottysystem · 16/10/2019 00:14

but Facebook rules are “don’t show off”

I always thought this was the main reason people use it particularly after 2010

CampingItUp · 16/10/2019 00:16

Maybe that kind of thing is for close friends and family, not work colleagues?

louderthan1 · 16/10/2019 00:23

I'm not remotely interested in anything to do with babies and the thought of pregnancy in general makes me feel a bit sick but I'd never be so bloody nasty as to actually SAY it. Block.

IncrediblySadToo · 16/10/2019 00:29

Block her, if she complains, just say ‘but you told me you didn’t want to see my posts’ ‍🤷🏻‍♀️

If she goes around being a bitch then people are going to react accordingly.

Countryescape · 16/10/2019 00:32

Totally unnecessary for her to say that. She can think it (and many probably do) but it is mean to say it. Everyone cares about different things.

Babochan88 · 16/10/2019 00:39

Wrong thing to say. But maybe it was hormones? Or did she say it in a way where she thought it’d be jokey and you’d take it as one?

Penelopeschat · 16/10/2019 00:55

@ICareEvenIfYoudont - you sound lovely and of course you had every right to post the video! It’s such a special time! Flowers

I have never unfriended anyone but I wish I had. There are people who you just don’t need to have in your life. They are negative and have their own issues. I haven’t done it as I don’t want to hurt feelings but I don’t think they give the same consideration. Stand up for yourself and unfriend. Don’t give her a moment of this special time. It‘s good practice for down the road as a Mum when you have to channel that inner strength to deal with the multitude of things that happen over their childhood/youth - standing up for your child, family etc. Playground politics can be charged!
Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy and be excited!!

BlackCatSleeping · 16/10/2019 01:05

I'd unfriend her. Work wont get involved in petty Facebook arguments. Otherwise you'll feel bad about everything pg related you post from now on.

BrendasUmbrella · 16/10/2019 01:10

Unfriend her. If she says anything you can say you did it as a favour to her so she wouldn't see anymore baby posts.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 16/10/2019 01:27

ICareEvenIfYoudont

I haven't read all the replies. She's being an arse. No-one's forcing her to watch your stories. If it's FB or IG you have to actively click on to watch them.
If she's annoyed or doesn't like what you post, why is she there? If she wants to see but doesn't always agree she needs to know when to shut up.
Put her on hide, then she can't see you lol - if she complains say "sorry, i didn't think, you wanted to see my posts"

Original poster
ICareEvenIfYoudont · 16/10/2019 06:07

Thank you for the comments.
It didn’t cross my mind about infant loss awareness week. Although as far as I am aware she hasn’t lost a baby, although her sister has. Not that I think that is a warranted excuse to be so rude. She’s quite open about her pregnancy and was excited for me e.g talking about what names I like, doing a nursery, even messaged me one evening to tell me about a product to take in my hospital bag.

To the PP who asked if I’m gushy. I genuinely don’t think I am. I’m obviously very excited, but as mentioned in my original post I know that not everyone is interested in someone else’s pregnancy. The only actual posts I’ve put on FB was our announcement at 12 weeks and the gender when we found out. To be fair I don’t tend to post a lot about anything, although I do add something or another to my 24hr story every now and again.

But I could be a serial pregnancy poster and she still could have just scrolled past and not said anything. I have plenty of serial ‘useless information’ posters my sister constantly, constantly shares cat memes all throughout the day but I’d never intentionally make someone feel shite.

Hormones are not a wonderful thing, are they Blush

OP posts:
Stuckinanutshell · 16/10/2019 06:50

Hmmmmmmm well. It depends how you’re dealing with it. I had a friend who would post daily about how amazing pregnancy is and how she feels fulfilled as a person and there is no greater calling. I was TTC at the time and ordinarily it would have annoyed me as it was so gushing but it especially annoyed me as I was TTC and with a fertility clinic.

BUT I never would have said anything!!! I liked most posts and ignored those that really went over the top.

So she’s totally out of line and rude BUT do be aware that some people could possibly struggle with seeing those sorts of posts. It’s tough luck really - their issues aren’t yours and do carry on enjoying your pregnancy and posting about it. I’m just saying this as there could be an underlining issue not that it excuses rudeness.

Stuckinanutshell · 16/10/2019 06:54

Sry just read the update.

She’s just rude then. Fuck her.

EnglishRose13 · 16/10/2019 07:08

There are a lot of unnecessary details in your post. You do not need to justify why you've put something on your page or profile! If she's not interested then she needs to unfriend or unfollow you. She's responsible for what she wants to see on social media; not you. If she brings it up again, remind her of that.

NearlyGranny · 16/10/2019 07:08

She's shown herself not to be a friend and not to be interested by the way she's rained on your beautiful parade, though, so it's sensible to unfriend her and yes, block her too, unless she asks you to let her back in.

That way she'll not be spiteful about your posts and you can post without imagining her looking at them.

Some people just don't like the spotlight being on anyone else, do they? Perhaps her friends and family are underwhelmed about her #2!

You do you and leaver her out. If she or anyone asks why, you could just say you're protecting her because she thinks you're 'oversharing' and she'll be invited back when all the fuss has died down.

Don't mention that will be in 2038!

Your posts sound lovely, btw, but then we've got pregnancy fever here, too!

KatherineJaneway · 16/10/2019 07:10

I'd block her. She was rude and insensitive with her comments, can't be doing with people like that.

minesagin37 · 16/10/2019 07:13

Why do you have work colleagues on your Facebook. They aren't friends. Get some division between your personal and work life!

Zerrin13 · 16/10/2019 07:22

I dont understand why people have to document every detail of a pregnancy to everyone else! Why post a gender reveal?
Is nothing private anymore. I wouldnt have said what she said but I would have thought it. Ofcourse your pregnancy us fascinating to you but to others much less so. Keeping a few things to your self seems to be impossible these days. I don't know why?

lottelupin · 16/10/2019 07:24

She's jealous. Worse. May either have had a miscarriage, or an abortion (most likely), or having problems conceiving, or partner won't let her have a baby, or partner wants and she doesn't, or partner had affair and OW pregnant, etc.

My money is on abortion.

She is angry that you are pregnant.

It's not personal, I'd say - she is just in a situation where she hasn't been allowed the freedom and pleasure of enjoying having a baby.

There's actually probably good reason to feel
sorry for her, but she's not your problem. You have to protect yourself and she's quite hostile at the moment towards you.

You must ignore her. Continue to post your amazing bump, love and share these moments with your family and friends. It's perfectly natural, normal and nice to do so. That's what fb should be for.

Just ignore her. Feel sorry for her, rather than questioning yourself.

Zerrin13 · 16/10/2019 07:27

She's pregnant aswell with her second child

Beautiful3 · 16/10/2019 07:32

Someone once commented on my numerous baby pics, when I was a first time mum. Like you I just wanted to store and look back on memories on fb. I started posting less because I was worried about what friends would think if another post. Now I never post anything!

ptumbi · 16/10/2019 07:43

I did say to DP when I came home that maybe I should block her from seeing my stories. But then I don’t want to be confronted if another colleague mentions anything else I put and she can’t see it and realises I’ve stopped her viewing them. OP you do not owe anyone any aspect of your life.

Stop feeling guilty about 'not including her' and just defriend.

Get on with more important things (your baby and your MH)

Seahorseshoe · 16/10/2019 07:46

If I had a video of my baby kicking, it's up to me what I put on my feed, MY feed. If she doesn't like it, she shouldn't look - you didn't make her look - she chose to.

Yanbu - it was a spiteful thing to say.

You can either block her and tell her why, tell her the above - that's you'll post what you damned well please, or not do anything and simmer with resentment.

If you simmer with resentment, you'll be hurting your own feelings. If you call her out on it, you're passing those shitty feelings she chose to give you, back to her. Personally, I'd call her out on it.

You have every right to feel excited, if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to follow you.

Congratulations on your baby girl. Don't let her rain on your parade.

Seahorseshoe · 16/10/2019 07:49

Ps. You could also put a post up saying "disclaimer; my feed is going to be full of pregnancy stuff, as I'm excited and know there are friends and family who share this joy with me. When my baby comes, there will be lots of posts and pictures of my baby. If this does not interest you, feel free to unfollow me, I totally understand.