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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear leggings to DD's University Graduation?

354 replies

OneToughMudderFudder · 15/10/2019 10:17

Big row this morning as DD wants me to wear a bloody evening dress like she is Hmm.

I'd planned to wear my new knee high brown boots, camel knee length coat with a black polo neck and leggings underneath.

DH (who is wearing a suit) and DD are horrified. It's a daytime ceremony.

Who's BU?

OP posts:
stucknoue · 15/10/2019 10:48

Most mums wear a wedding type outfit in the summer, the boots, top and coat are fine but add a smart pencil skirt just above the knee, perhaps tweed? My go look!

limpylegs · 15/10/2019 10:48

Please make an effort for your DD. It's a very special day. My mum nor Dad made an effort for my graduation and it upset me somewhat because it was important to me that they at least acted like it was a big deal.

It's small in the grand scheme of things but, it means a lot when your parents make an effort with the little things.

Hagbeth · 15/10/2019 10:49

You’ll probably embarrass your daughter if you turn up in leggings. It’s her day, do her proud. Smile

Srictlybakeoff · 15/10/2019 10:49

I agree that it’s your daughters day. It won’t matter to anyone else what you wear but if it matters to her why not compromise.
I also think leggings is a bit too casual .

stucknoue · 15/10/2019 10:50

Ps no to evening dress, graduates wear lounge suits or female equivalent with jacket because the gowns are designed to fit on a jacket.

onanothertrain · 15/10/2019 10:50

You are being unreasonable. FFS leggings??

TheFairyCaravan · 15/10/2019 10:50

YABU

We had DS2's graduation in the Summer. I bought a new dress, it's not an evening dress but along the lines of one you'd wear to a wedding. DS2's girlfriend's mum did the same. It's a really special day, imo. Don't wear leggings, you only get to go once.

joystir59 · 15/10/2019 10:51

Wear something smart. This is a very special event!

nononever · 15/10/2019 10:51

Definitely too casual. I wore a dress and ankle boots under a camel coat for my daughter's winter graduation. Everyone we saw was smartly dressed.

Witchinaditch · 15/10/2019 10:53

That outfit doesn’t sound particularly smart, leggings under a wrap dress or something would be fine but im not sure with what you’ve described

Monty27 · 15/10/2019 10:53

Your DD wants to be proud of you as presumably you are of her.
Sometimes you have to rise to an occasion and this is one of those times.
You don't need to look like you're going to a prom just wear really smart clothes and smile. Hmm

Nearlyalmost50 · 15/10/2019 10:54

I think the OP is exaggerating when she says 'evening dress'. She doesn't mean floor length ball gown, but certainly at the uni I work at most of the female graduates look very smart and wear lovely (evening/daytime) dressy dresses and heels, if they like, or black trousers/flats if that's more their thing. They don't wear leggings, and so you shouldn't either, even if it seems a trivial thing.

I wouldn't normally take suggestions/vetos on what to wear from my children, but for occasions like graduation or their weddings, I would!

thecatsthecats · 15/10/2019 10:56

I don't think they mean 'evening dress' as in the dress code, but as in the sort of thing you might wear in an evening out - like to a nice dinner.

Either way, I think YABU not to rethink your outfit if you have a suitable nice option in your wardrobe.

I'm not coming at this from the perspective that your daughter has a right to dictate how you dress, but because you have clearly decided that wearing your high boots is the key feature of this even that must be worked around.

My mum was one of the last people to sit down at my graduation because my brother (perpetually late) hadn't arrived yet. My sister forced her to. For both mine and my sister's graduations, she insisted on putting together a picnic of food afterwards in a nearby park. For which she disappeared off to a supermarket for an hour to source, so that our feckless brother's dietary needs could be attended to.

Entirely different behaviour to you and your daughter, but the headline is the same: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!

KUGA · 15/10/2019 10:57

Its your DDs special day.
You must wear something special.
You can always say you were joking and had every intention of looking the part.

BlackTrousers · 15/10/2019 10:57

To me leggings are not a substitute for trousers. So your outfit sounds fine providing you add a skirt.

This. Leggings are a substitute for tights (unless you are under 8 years old). Sounds like you're missing a skirt.

PullingMySocksUp · 15/10/2019 10:59

I agree about the skirt. Just buy a knee length black skirt to go over the leggings and you’re fine.

Original poster
OneToughMudderFudder · 15/10/2019 11:00

The polo neck jumper would cover any camel toe although I don't get them. Not sure if that's a good thingGrin.

I've found some high heeled suede over the knee boots which I thought were DD's but she says are mine Confused. Good knows when I bought them. Lucky I cleared out the understairs cupboard yesterday! I guess I'll wear them with a skirt and tights. Hopefully there won't be much walking.

I really didn't think it was that posh of an event!

OP posts:
Wonkybanana · 15/10/2019 11:03

Was going to say the same as Nearlyalmost50 based on the OP's later post:

DD's dress could be day or evening I suppose but more dressy than a day time one IMO

We're not talking ball gown. It's a dressy dress, but from that quote I assume it's knee length or thereabouts. OP what you propose to wear would be fine IF your DD was also fine about it. But she's not, and the day is about her. What you wear should reflect your pride in you daughter's achievement. Degrees aren't given out free with packets of cornflakes, whatever the media might say. She's worked hard and achieved her dream. Dress in a way that respects that, and celebrates her success. No leggings, and yes, preferably a dressed up dress.

gnushoes · 15/10/2019 11:03

I bought a smart dress because I was proud of what my DD had achieved. I'm a scruffy bugger but would never have worn leggings.

GeneHuntLover · 15/10/2019 11:04

I often wear decent thick black leggings with boots, a longish jumper that covers my bum and a knee length coat, dress it up with a nice scarf, bag and jewellery and you'll look absolutely fine.

raspberryk · 15/10/2019 11:05

It isn't a posh event but it is smart/formal, it is a traditional award ceremony to acknowledge the academic achievements of your DD and the whole cohort.
I don't know anyone in their right mind who would wear leggings other than casually unless its for extra cover under a skirt or dress.

MitziK · 15/10/2019 11:05

Seems a bit mean for your daughters graduation to not be worth dressing up a bit for. That's how she'll remember it, anyhow.

inwood · 15/10/2019 11:05

Tights and a skirt would be fine. Leggings an absolute no from me.

CosmiaGreen · 15/10/2019 11:06

Most mums wear a dress, smart trousers, or a skirt and top.

No one wears an evening dress.

Which uni is your daughter at? Is it a 'real' uni? Is she not confusing graduation with the party afterwards?

Most have a dress code for graduates- my DD was at a Russell Gp uni and for graduation she had to wear a black skirt and white shirt/ top, black tights and smart shoes.

Not a bloody evening gown. Hmm

justintimberlakesfishwife · 15/10/2019 11:06

An evening dress is ridiculous. However leggings as a substitute for trousers / dress / skirt is pretty casual
So I think something Inbetween the two? Can you wear a dress / skirt with the boots?