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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear leggings to DD's University Graduation?

354 replies

OneToughMudderFudder · 15/10/2019 10:17

Big row this morning as DD wants me to wear a bloody evening dress like she is Hmm.

I'd planned to wear my new knee high brown boots, camel knee length coat with a black polo neck and leggings underneath.

DH (who is wearing a suit) and DD are horrified. It's a daytime ceremony.

Who's BU?

OP posts:
PlentyOfBiscuitsWithTea · 16/10/2019 22:56

As everyone else has said - find some middle ground between leggings and a ball gown!! Your outfit sounds fine with smart black trousers instead of leggings. You don’t have to wear a dress. Fifteen years ago my dad and boyfriend wore suits, my mum bought a special dress and jacket from Hobbs for the occasion and I wore a smart new dress from Reiss (why do I remember?!) It is an occasion, dress as so. At the very least to make your daughter feel like she’s being made a fuss of. Such a lovely day to celebrate academic achievement!! Many years later, I ’m doing a postgrad now and I can’t wait for my next graduation ceremony!

Sagradafamiliar · 16/10/2019 23:21

An evening dress is just a dressy dress, not a ball gown. Every female graduate I've ever seen has worn one.

And for goodness sake, a tunic will not save the outfit. Layering over an item of clothing that can't decide if it's a long top or a short dress isn't going subtract from the horror of the leggings.

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/10/2019 23:22

Tell your daughter to get a grip.

Nice. 🙄

You will be in dark auditorium.

Only for part of the time. There will be mingling with other graduates, tutors and parents and photographs taken. Maybe even a post-ceremony buffet.

It’s meant to be a celebration of their achievement, not a fashion show.

Quite. So why is OP not focusing on celebrating her DD’s achievement rather than trying to turn it onto a fashion show with over the knee boots and obsessing with what she herself wears?

DeeCeeCherry · 16/10/2019 23:26

Well doesn't she just mean a nice glam dress - or is it you labelling it an evening dress?

Why on earth are you even making a stand about this? Perhaps you aren't smart and she'd like you to be for this 1 occasion.

You are being petty.

But go ahead after all - it is your day 🙄

Phphion · 17/10/2019 00:29

The guidance provided for guests by the university where I work states that while guests are not necessarily required to wear smart clothes, the ceremonies are a formal event and most guests "prefer to dress appropriately for the occasion", e.g. in a collar and tie.

The graduates themselves are expected to wear a lounge suit with a shirt and tie, a formal dress or smart skirt/trousers and a blouse. They are not allowed to take part in the ceremony if they are wearing jeans, trainers or anything else not deemed smart attire by the people who inspect them before they enter.

You could have a look at videos from previous ceremonies, but really, why spoil your daughter's day over something so trivial? Wear something she considers smart enough. Wear shoes you can stand around in. There is an awful lot of standing around on graduation days.

Tinkerbelle57 · 17/10/2019 02:53

Please don’t wear leggings to the graduation. Wear something smart , you don’t have to dress up to the nines but show you have made an effort.
The outfit you describe sounds like you are going shopping or down the pub.
Whatever you DD is wearing, she wants her mum to look nice.

Monty27 · 17/10/2019 04:10

Wear nice wide classy trousers with your boots underneath. if you insist on wearing them
Get your hair done and look proud.
I couldn't give a toss what people wear. It's DDS day. Not yours.

shearwater · 17/10/2019 06:39

Well, if the outfit I posted is unsuitable attire for a graduation, things have changed a lot, and for the worst in the last 20 years, as no-one was dressed up then beyond smart casual day wear. A lot of people didn't even bother to even go to the graduation. What a lot of petit bourgeois fuss over clothes.

Lowlandlucky · 17/10/2019 06:55

You go out of the house in leggings ? I live in leggings but only in the house, i wouldn't even nip out to get milk in them and i live in the middle of nowhere. Try trousers, much smarter

Catsrus · 17/10/2019 07:05

Another academic here - been to more graduations than I can count - evening type wear will be totally OTT. Smart is fine, your outfit sounds lovely to me. My own, first, graduation back in the 70s was much more wedding-type formal, it's much more relaxed now - a whole range of styles.

You'll be doing a LOT of sitting (during - they are LONG) and standing around before and after - while she squeals and hugs people and they take selfies, make sure you wear things that are comfortable !

seaweedandmarchingbands · 17/10/2019 07:55

If you want to make your DD comfortable, wear a day dress or smart top, trousers and jacket. Graduations generally are quite “posh” occasions, with most people looking their best. I wouldn’t say “dress like you’re going to a christening” because, although I wore a smart dress for my daughter’s christening, other people having their children christened dress like they’re going on a night out. Same for wedding wear or a day at the races. Toned down is good but your DD will feel uncomfortable if you are underdressed for the occasion.

angieloumc · 17/10/2019 08:02

Things have changed? I don't know what university graduation you've been to shearwater but I've been to six including my own and no one has ever worn an item similar to the one you posted.

raspberryk · 17/10/2019 08:03

@shearwater but what you posted was not smart-casual it's very casual-casual.

angieloumc · 17/10/2019 08:03

Outfit not item, apologies.

Namechange84 · 17/10/2019 08:07

Same here, working at a university, three graduations of my own etc no one was ever in attendance wearing anything like the outfit shearwater posted. That is not smart casual at all. That is an every day, running errands type outfit.

And there's no way that this would indicate things have "changed for the worse" Hmm.

Namechange84 · 17/10/2019 08:15

Also, a graduation is not a casual event. It's a formal event.

Phphion says almost word for word what is in the guidance for the university I work in and the university I got my MA from. Anyone wearing leggings or jeans to graduation would be removed from the ceremony. Knee high or over the knee boots would be a judgement call but likelihood is that they could also lead to someone being removed from the ceremony.

If this is what is expected from graduands, those in attendance would usually follow suit and dress accordingly. If a guest or graduand doesn't like it, they don't have to attend.

OooErMissus · 17/10/2019 08:51

Well, if the outfit I posted is unsuitable attire for a graduation, things have changed a lot, and for the worst in the last 20 years, as no-one was dressed up then beyond smart casual day wear.

I'm not sure which rock you were living under, but I graduated 20 years ago, and leggings weren't even a thing people wore then. Let alone to a graduation.

So if things have changed for the worse, it's because too many people are now so deluded, that they thing leggings - of all Godforsaken items - are suitable for wearing out of the house.

OooErMissus · 17/10/2019 08:52

...and once again - those weren't even leggings in the picture you posted!

peachgreen · 17/10/2019 08:53

Leggings definitely existed 20 years ago!

Namechange84 · 17/10/2019 09:29

Leggings did exist in 1999 but they were seen as a bit embarrassing, something you wouldn't be seen dead in in public because they were a throw back to the Olivia Newton John Let's Get Physical and Fame trend of the 80s or even worse the fluorescent cycling short fad of the early 90s. In the late 90s alot of women wore trouser suits with extra long jackets almost coat length jackets to formal events. That's certainly what I remember of my older siblings events of the time.

Alsohuman · 17/10/2019 09:29

What a lot of petit bourgeois fuss over clothes.

What a pathetic attempt at intellectual snobbery.

manicmij · 17/10/2019 09:42

An evening dress for a graduation? Never heard of that. Won't it look ridiculous under a graduation gown. All I've ever seen parents wearing at graduations late in the year is smart day wear. What you plan seems okay as long as the leggings are tucked well into the boots. You will be one of hundreds, no one will notice you.

Namechange84 · 17/10/2019 09:47

The OP confirmed it wasnt a ball gown and was in fact a dress that could be worn daytime or evening.

scubadive · 17/10/2019 09:52

YABU.

It’s your daughters big day, why wouldn’t you wear what she wants you to?

She obviously feels like you should dress up and by refusing to, you are sending her the message that you don’t think it’s important enough to dress up.

Would you wear that for an interview?

SpiderCharlotte · 17/10/2019 10:31

What a lot of petit bourgeois fuss over clothes.

What a pathetic attempt at intellectual snobbery.

Indeed it is @Alsohuman. It did make me laugh though. Funny how someone can make themselves look so ridiculous with one little statement isn't it. 😆