To wonder about people's awareness of fertility decline

[Orangeblossom78]

decline I mean, in late 30s/40s. I know someone who on trying to get pregnant for the first time in their early 40s is shocked and devastated to be told of their fertility being low at this stage. AIBU but is is not usually apparent that our fertility declines after mid 30s and you can't just expect to have an easy time getting pregnant in early 40s.

I’ve just had my first baby at 41, conceived easily. I am one of many over 40’s amongst my acquaintance.
My consultant said the drop in fertility is overstated and my MW agreed.
There are more unplanned pregnancies in the over 40’s that are terminated than amongst teenagers.

It's surprising what people don't know about fertility. My friend is an Oxbridge-educated lawyer who believed, until I told her otherwise, that unprotected sex was guaranteed to end with a pregnancy. She was astonished when I told her the stats for peak fertility are still low. She had thought that anyone who needed fertility treatment, IVF etc must be completely infertile due to a medical issue.

I think most people are aware that fertility declines with age, but they don't realise how small the decline actually is. A 40 year old woman has a chance of falling pregnant of around 8% per cycle, it's 25% for a 20 year old. So there is still a good chance of becoming pregnant at 40. Many women don't realise this and think they can stop using contraception once they hit 40.

It's the way we were taught in 90s sex education, I think. I don't know anyone who made it out of their teens still not knowing that not all unprotected sex leads to a baby, but I definitely remember us all concluding, as teenagers, that sex = pregnancy. Because that's the message they rammed down our throats, isn't it?

It surprises me often what men aren't told about fertility, too. I spoke to someone the other day who was firmly convinced that if a man could ejaculate, he was fertile, and therefore fertility problems aside from impotence were always the woman's problem.

Olap is right. All this talk of ‘pregnancy’ doesn’t necessarily translate into the birth of a healthy child at the end.

I think there are enough answers on this thread to show that not everyone is aware. People saying their best friends didnt start trying til 40 and people saying they never thought about it. So although most people are probably aware, there are still more than we think who arent aware, especially if they live in affluent areas where the average age for giving birth is around 40, and people have money for IVF, it's easy to see why people think 'scare stories' rather than statistics.

My mum had me when she was 30 and was called a geriatric mum. I had my first at 34 and second at 37 and the midwife said you're not now classed as a geriatric mum until you're 40 in my area.

I do wish I'd started earlier. Just because I'll have more time with them! And they have an amazing relationship with grandparents but they are getting old now.

I thought 33 was fine to get pregnant. But what I didnt really fully think through was 9 months pregnant plus age gap with another plus trying for another plus 9 months pregnant for another, means that I will still have a 2 year old at 40...for some reason this didnt occur to me at 33 as I still felt relatively young. They have aged me so much I dont feel at all young now!

I think it's hard to intentionally decide to have a baby when you don't have the money, an understanding job or space, and would have to make life really difficult for yourself. We started trying when I was 32 and had saved, had a spare bedroom, etc and it took 14 months. I was surprised! I am now just 35, still breastfeeding my one year old and haven't yet had a period. If I wanted another (I do not!), realistically I may be 37 by the time it was born. I do think people who want 2 underestimate the time it takes even if you TTC quickly a second time.

I think people are aware, but it's the usual, 'it'll never happen to me' scenario. I had my first at 34, then tried for several years, spanning my 40s, for another but it never happened. No problem, just mine, and my dh age the Dr told us.

But the “realities” are the stats I quoted in my previous post - which show that actually, women still have a high chance of falling pregnant in their mid to late 30s.

The realities are the anecdotal evidence on this thread.

I don’t know many women who got pregnant within a year aged 35-39. Many in their late 30s had fertility treatment. I also know 2 women who were infertile by the time they were late 30s.

Do the stats include women with fertility problems doing IVF?

This is very true @Passthecherrycoke,and it's not just Down,syndrome or the other trisomy,s as people seem to think my son has a rare chromosome deletion that has affected him hugely and I was 35'when he was born I think rare chromosome disorders. Occur in something like 1_in 200 births which must increase with age.

Surely everyone, adult or not, occasionally does panic?

I was referring to women panicking over an internet thread.

I’m not sure if I have ever really panicked since you ask.

How anyone ttc at 40+ didn’t know that age might be an issue is beyond me? Does this person you know live under a rock? Yes some people have a baby easily after 40 but not many. It’s also not just about getting pregnant, it’s about having a healthy baby and age can effect that as well.

My friend is an Oxbridge-educated lawyer who believed, until I told her otherwise, that unprotected sex was guaranteed to end with a pregnancy To be fair to your friend, she may of been told it that why at school. That is pretty much what school drummed in to us girls when I was at school. I think it was a scare tactic maybe but what the school should of done was give the correct information about women’s bodies etc and they didn’t, hopefully times have changed.

Gosh. You must be very emotionally controlled.

But I think it is quite normal, TBH, and no reason an internet thread can't stir up debate and emotion just like anything else.

How anyone ttc at 40+ didn’t know that age might be an issue is beyond me?

If they read the stats on this thread and take them at face value, I suppose it’s not that surprising.

I’m not particularly controlled, I’m just not prone to anxiety.

The stats are accurate, though, aren't they?

I take the point that people probably need more education about miscarriage and stillbirth, but that doesn't invalidate the point that @apple was making, which I thought was an interesting one.

Cross post. Fair enough.

I think it’s more down to the health of the couple rather than age. I had my first at 40 and second at 44. I had no trouble conceiving. I had a miscarriage at 42 however there’s nothing to say that that was due to age, many women in their 20’s have miscarriages. I had no issues with either pregnancy, my midwife said I was fitter and healthier than some of her ladies in their 20’s.

YABU- my fertility has increased with age

Took all sorts of silly risks in my twenties, not pregnant. Was on the pill in my late thirties, twins.

I don’t know many women who got pregnant within a year aged 35-39.

@TatianaLarina That’s one anecdote from one anonymous poster on an internet forum. I prefer to trust medical evidence/figures personally. And even if I didn’t, there are plenty of posters on MN who do conceive and have kids in their late 30s and even early 40s.

Do the stats include women with fertility problems doing IVF?

The stats apply to “couples who are actively trying for a baby (having unprotected sex at least twice a week)”, so I assume they don’t.

Full info here for anyone who’s interested: www.babycentre.co.uk/a6155/your-age-and-fertility#section1

I had DS at 31, DD at 34. I felt I had left it as long as I could, and in any case had 3 MCs between the two, plus IUGR resulting in DD having to come out at 34 weeks.

Now approaching 35 and have friends cheerfully planning to wait another 2 or 3 years to even start. I'm begging them not to, these are all people who are married, very well off, in stable jobs and have loads of qualifications etc. They are delaying because they are "not ready", want to "live bit more before settling down". Why don't people classifying having children as living?

It is going to break my heart if they leave it too long and struggle.

Stats - what was the sample size, which country is it from, does ‘pregnancy’ include ones that later miscarried or only full term, does it include women of all age groups doing fertility treatment or only ‘normal’ fertility?

How is it calculated? Are these actual people, or is it done on a modelling approach in a population?

For example a study I have seen found that after 2 years of trying, women aged 35 years had a 87% chance of conceiving, and women aged 38 years had a 67% chance. The study also found that fertility decline is more marked after age 35.

Middledistance - having twins isn't necessarily fertility increasing. It happens more as you age as your body produces higher levels of FSH to try and keep your knackered ovaries releasing eggs and can be a sign you are on the downhill slope. A lot of people get last hurrah pregnancies approaching menopause for this reason. Doesn't mean they would be successful trying to conceive a second, and rates of MC get much higher as you age.

I'm shocked she's shocked. It's rammed down our throats constantly as women

@Apples I’m not asking you to trust my anecdote, I’m suggesting that women look the stats and also the experiences of the women around them.

The stats apply to “couples who are actively trying for a baby (having unprotected sex at least twice a week)”, so I assume they don’t.

You could be on fertility drugs and ttc twice a week.

If those stats factor out women on fertility treatment they will give a skewed perspective because the number of women in IVF increases with age.