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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancer is such a massive twattish piece of shit. Fuck off.

92 replies

MustardScreams · 14/10/2019 21:26

I am 30. When I was 20 I thought it was old. Now I’m 30 I feel like a child still.

I have breast cancer. Now what fucking genius thought that was ok? I have a 2 year old and am a single mum. What the actual FUCK!

I’m in the midst of treatment (had a lumpectomy 3 weeks ago and about to start rads) and even though it could be worse (why do people keep telling me this) I’m having a completely shit evening.

I just fucking hate it. I hate it and I wanted to whinge loudly but not to my friends and family because they’re extremely positive at all times! You’ll be fine! Can’t talk about being scared! Gotta get through it!

OP posts:
Maddiemademe · 14/10/2019 21:27

I am so sorry. Cancer is a fucking bastard and it can get to the other side of fuck. Do you have a lot of support from family/friends? Is you dc’s father involved at all?

PurpleDaisies · 14/10/2019 21:28

Sorry you’re going through this. You don’t have to be positive, or strong, or not scared. You don’t have to “fight”.

HollowTalk · 14/10/2019 21:29

That is terrible. I'm so sorry.

itwasthegintalking · 14/10/2019 21:31

It is a complete bastard.
Rant away. Best of luck with your treatment x

missyB1 · 14/10/2019 21:32

It’s shit it really is and it’s ok to rant about it. You don’t have to be strong/ brave/ positive (you know how people with cancer are expected to be). The down days are bloody hard ( I had breast cancer 3 years ago), I hope you feel brighter tomorrow I really do. On my bad days I just used to tell myself that surely I would feel better soon because I couldn’t feel any bloody worse!

joystir59 · 14/10/2019 21:34

That you have to deal with cancer is the biggest pile of fucking awful shit OP. Totally unfair. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this and I wish you power and healing strength and that you come through the treatment and come back to yourself for you and your child and everyone you love.

TokenGinger · 14/10/2019 21:35

I'm 30, too. I just looked at DS and my heart sunk imagining if I had cancer. It's okay to not be okay, OP. You don't have to always be strong. It's scary as hell and you have my sympathy. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Do you want to talk about it? E.g. how you discovered it, the care you'll receives, chances of beating it, etc? Or do you just want to talk about how shite it all is. I'm game for any kind of discussion.

Thanks
aweedropofsancerre · 14/10/2019 21:36

Cancer is shit. My DH was diagnosed with throat and a different lung cancer in June. It’s like a whirlwind. We have 4 DC and the youngest is 5. It’s like a dark cloud sitting over us and he has had a dreadful time with side effects from radiotherapy to his throat. He hasn’t started radio and chemo to the lung yet. Trying to recover from the various biopsies, tests, surgery to remove the cancer. In amongst it we have had his dad saying how wonderful it is he has lost weight! That was due to surgery and severe nausea and side effects. We have had his mum trying to feed him nutmeg that well know cure of cancer. Those saying you can beat this. You must stay positive..... it’s all shit. The reality is it’s fucking terrifying, we don’t know what the future holds, he fears death, he is depressed and worried all the time about the future. Big hugs from me

joystir59 · 14/10/2019 21:36

And it's fine to scream.yoir rage!

Titsywoo · 14/10/2019 21:36

Sorry you're having to go through this OP. Regarding the having to stay strong for family is there someone else you can talk to? I volunteer for a charity which provides people with emotional support and practical help when they are dealing with illnesses such as cancer. It's pretty common that family and friends can't handle talking about fears and so on so having an impartial person to talk to can help so much. If you are based in Surrey I can recommend the charity I'm part of but if not PM me where you are and I might be able to help recommend another charity.

sundayschild1 · 14/10/2019 21:38

I'm so sorry. What an absolutely shitty situation. I have a nearly two year old little boy, reading your post made my eyes well. Sending very best wishes for your treatment.

NationMcKinley · 14/10/2019 21:39

My mate had breast cancer. We called it cuntcer. It’s so bloody unfair. You should have been given information about specialist nurses. My friend found them brilliant. Would that be an option for you?

Vgbeat · 14/10/2019 21:41

I cAn unfortunately totally relate. I've just completed chemo / radiation for stage 2 Cervical Cancer. I'm 38 and a mum to an 8 year old. I only had 6 weeks of teacher training left to complete my PGCE and was hoping to go back in Jan but my oncologist didn't exactly make me feel positive after my 8 week check the other day.

Good luck with you treatment best advice for radio is drink lots of water x

KimchiLaLa · 14/10/2019 21:41

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Chilver · 14/10/2019 21:42

It does truly suck fucking balls. So sorry you are going through this - and dealing with other people's feelings about your cancer can be soooooo draining.

I had cancer, 6 years ago, when my DD was a newborn. You can get through this, but it is a shitty shitty time. I did get some solace (people who understood my rants, understood the impact of treatment, gave practical, financial, emotional and logistical support) from my local Maggie's Center. My sanctuary and respite during my God awful treatment and the years after. Am having my now 6 monthly follow up this week - it does get better Flowers

Jinxed2 · 14/10/2019 21:44

Flowers lots of love xxxx

Glitterb · 14/10/2019 21:46

I am so sorry you are going through this OP. Cancer is incredibly unfair and I think that’s what makes it harder to explain and come to terms with. Please speak to someone about how you are really feeling, when my Dad was unwell, Macmillan were great for an honest chat ! Family & friends will be being positive as they are trying to help, I am sure they will listen! Best of luck OP x

WillowSummerSloth · 14/10/2019 21:48

It's utterly shit for you and you've every right to feel angry. There's a wonderful podcast called 'you, me and the big C' and its presented by younger people (in their 30s) affected by cancer. I just thought it might help to know others are in the same boat. It's funny, sad and uplifting all at the same time. I hope this cancer turns out to be a small blip on an otherwise wonderful life for you.

TheVanguardSix · 14/10/2019 21:48

I am so sorry that you're facing this horrible shit at 30 years old. 30! You shouldn't have this shit right now. Nobody should ever have it, but 30? And with a two-year-old to look after. It is utter utter utter complete and utter shit and I wish it would hear me when I've repeatedly told it to FUCK OFF.
Although I don't have cancer, my mother has had it and every one of her 6 other siblings. Brain, breast, thyroid, kidney, prostate, name it, someone in my family's had it. It sucks.
I have two brothers. One is finally the other side of cancer.
I try and take each day as it comes.
I wish you strength and love OP. Get the other side of this shit, swiftly, with your peace of mind intact. You've got living to do with your partner in crime by your side, your little boy.

AlexaAmbidextra · 14/10/2019 21:49

chances of beating it,

I’m sure you mean well but please don’t talk about ‘beating’ it.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 14/10/2019 21:49

I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in August. I have 5 DC, the youngest is 3 yrs. Not only that buts it’s the shittest subtype of cancer meaning I probably only have a year. The unfairness is staggering

PurplePattern · 14/10/2019 21:49

I am so sorry. Totally unfair, yes it sucks beyond belief. Lots of love xxx Flowers

CherryPavlova · 14/10/2019 21:50

It can be unpleasant at times and you are young. That said, most women survive breast cancer. Most do see their children grow up, thankfully.
If you’re having chemo as well as radio, it’s a years - a tough year undoubtedly but doable.if you’re only having radio, it must be good news (comparatively) and will be over much quicker.
Do you have your prognostic indicator? That’s often very reassuring.
Radio is just boring. Dull, mind numbingly boring because you go every day for treatment so it feels ever present. At least with chemo there’s a break.
Have you got vests with built in support? More comfortable than bras when skin gets sunburned.

Use your friends - people want to help and are kind. Accept childcare offers even if it’s just to collect from nursery.
Starting treatment is definitely harder than coping through the treatment.

mommybear1 · 14/10/2019 21:51

Rant away OP if you can't say it IRL use this thread.

Littlecaf · 14/10/2019 21:51

So sorry. Cancer is fucking awful. I echo what other say about counselling. I don’t have cancer (my mum does) but counselling helped me. Not sure how but I feel a whole lot better now than I did a while back. And it taught me it’s ok to be scared, and angry and go cry and scream and shout.