Cancer is such a massive twattish piece of shit. Fuck off.

[MustardScreams]

I am 30. When I was 20 I thought it was old. Now I’m 30 I feel like a child still.

I have breast cancer. Now what fucking genius thought that was ok? I have a 2 year old and am a single mum. What the actual FUCK!

I’m in the midst of treatment (had a lumpectomy 3 weeks ago and about to start rads) and even though it could be worse (why do people keep telling me this) I’m having a completely shit evening.

I just fucking hate it. I hate it and I wanted to whinge loudly but not to my friends and family because they’re extremely positive at all times! You’ll be fine! Can’t talk about being scared! Gotta get through it!

@NationMcKinley I’m stealing cuntcer

@Chilver yay for beating the massive cunt! Thank you for your story, it’s massively heartening. So glad you’re down to 6 monthlies.

I fucking hate cancer ! It really is an unfair shitty thing with a hideous treatment process.

The meds will do the fighting wether you sit around feeling miserable or wether you sit around doing sodding yoga and painting a brave smile on your face.

Everyone has their way of dealing with it and we do nobody any favours by telling them how brave they are and even worse telling them how brave they have to be.

No you bloody dont !

Yes, you have every right to be scared, furious, resentful, bitter. I'm pretty bloody sure I would be and almost anyone else.
You don't have to pretend to be cheery and positive. You are the one going through this so you're entitled to express yourself without censoring yourself.
If it's too hard for your family to face your emotions I really hope you have a cancer nurse or someone IRL you can vent to.
I really wish you all the luck and strength in the world. Life is so fucking unfair. All the very best to you love. Unmumsnetty hug

@CherryPavlova thank you for describing rads as boring. I need this. Boring rads, chemo is pants but just a year of feeling shite and then health.

@TheVanguardSix gawd your message made me teary, I’m meant to be angry and arsey THANK YOU

A couple of years ago I was where you are right now. There is light at the end of the tunnel but you have to wade through a lot of shit to get there.

On a practical note Biafine cream (you can get it off Amazon) is the absolute bollocks for radiotherapy. Slap it on every day!

Indeed. I was a bit older than you. My children were teenagers but it’s too enough years ago now and we can laugh a thing some of the awful comments and sickly behaviours. You’ll get there too eventually but for now accept it’s a pants time.
Dull is the only way of describing radio. Sunburn and boredom. A bit sore towards end of treatment but otherwise the worst bit was feeling like a lump of meat on a slab. Pulled and pushed into position. Different staff everyday so no relationship or continuity. Just dull. Take decent books!
Are you having chemo? I didn’t mind that as much as radio.

It's an absolute fucker and you have every right to be raging. I'd be telling the world to fuck off.

My husband has prostate cancer, and I understand that thing about friends and family wanting to be positive for you. You obviously don't want people being negative, but neither do you want them over-riding your fears with positives that are there to help them feel better. You need someone to be with you, to sit beside you, to swear with you, to shout with you, to cry with you, and to laugh and be silly with you. I'll start you off: FUCK FUCKING CANCER YOU BASTARD CRUEL WANKING FUCKING DISEASE.

I am so sorry OP. Cancer is shit.

Hope your treatment goes well. Life is not fair.

Oh and just for added joy, your radio changes the texture of your breast and you retain one nice soft rounded one but the other ( whilst shapewise isn’t too bad) is less cushion like - more like an ancient feather pillow that’s gone hard and lumpy.

@MustardScreams Ack, I have so much I want to say to you. When people talk about being brave for their families, I always ask if they’ve heard about ring theory (I’ve attached a picture). Goes like this. The person suffering the trauma (you) is in the middle. They need all the support and they can rant to whoever they want. The next ring includes their nearest and dearest and the person in the middle leans on these people. Next ring includes maybe more distant family. Now, your nearest and dearest can lean on this third ring for support but they should not be leaning inwards on you for support. No ring should be trying to get support from an inwards ring, because they’re closer to the trauma and they just don’t have the emotional capacity to support more people. They’re the ones who NEED the support. I know you think your family need you to be positive, but OP, you don’t have to create the positivity. You can tell them it sucks. You can tell them it’s scary. They need to find the positivity within themselves or from the outer rings, not just from you. Here’s an article when and if you’re in a reading mood: www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/promoting-hope-preventing-suicide/201705/ring-theory-helps-us-bring-comfort-in

@PurpleDaisies shared a great article - we use this language about fighting cancer, but these are our bodies. Cancer is a massive twat, but our bodies are fucking gorgeous and awesome, no matter what they look like, ESPECIALLY when they’re doing all they can to get us through a disease. It doesn’t have to be about a fight. It can be about a journey. Because we “win” at a journey even when we’re tired and angry and everything is awful; it’s still movement, and it’s still something.

So sorry to you are going through this

@CherryPavlova yes. I have mucinous bc, which is usually only seen in post-menopausal women. My tumours were 2.4 (directly behind my nipple) and 3mm.

I was just on a lumpectomy and rads pathway but my margins were shite apparently so I’m having rads with the expectation of chemo by the end of the year.

2.4cm

Ah no problem. It's often hard to find someone to just listen when you want to talk. I'm sure you'll find that here though 😊

Cancer is shit. All the positive affirmations, 'you'll beat it / keep strong' bollocks is even worse.

I was where you are 5 years ago (different type but you get the drift). Wading through appointments, treatment, being 'done to' and waiting for someone to give me some good news. Mainlining pills and struggling to walk up stairs. Seeing pity in everyone's eyes as they do the head tilt and 'how are you?' Waiting for my life to restart. It's all total shit.

But you gird your loins, you get through it and wait for it to pass. You have no choice. At least I lost a bit of weight along the way...

But one day you realise you don't think about it everyday and you don't find something about your body that makes you think the cancer is back and it just becomes something in your story, not the main thing.

Yeah they talked about the Ring Theory on the You, Me and the Big C podcast (which is an absolute must for you OP if you haven't listened to it yet, it's amazing).

You are only allowed to throw shit outwards, never inwards, whichever ring you are in.

DH hated the ‘brave’ and ‘positive’ and ‘fight it’ talk. He didn’t see it like that. He saw it as something really shit that but he trusted the wonderful team of doctors and nurses to do the best they could. Thankfully all is ok, but the mental scars are still there for him, me and our DC.

You are allowed to rant and rave and have shit days and say that it’s a load of fucking shite. You don’t have to be ok. You can be scared. I also recommend Maggie’s centre if you have one near you.

I dont know if this will be a good suggestion for you, there is a thread in general health that is for support for people who know exactly how you feel as they are also feeling it too, apologies if you already know its there, and not your thing.I lost my mum aged 59 to breast cancer.
Wishing you strengh and all hope

What a shit, shit thing to happen. Scream, shout and rage all you need to. We're here ! Thinking of you OP

My lovely card from someone who knows me well .
It’s shit . I don’t sleep even with no alcohol and the 7 measly sleeping pills my doctor allowed .
I am so pissed off .
I am not strong .
My positive attitude will make no fucking difference .
It’s not a battle to be fought .
I endure it because I have no choice .
Mastectomy next month .
But how much worse for those with young children .
I have grandchildren and that’s bad enough .
Rant away .
It’s shite and I hate it .

I agree, cancer is just fucking shit. They couldn't tell me why i got it or how i got it, just your bloody own cells going haywire for whatever reason. I had a lumpectomy and rads for breast cancer, its been a year now since I found the lump. I have a 4 year old and I'm a carer for my husband. It was such a kick in the teeth getting cancer when I'm the one keeping the family together. But we got through it, I just got through the treatment and things are better now, but there's still the ever present worry about it coming back and dealing with 5 years of taxomifen side affects.
for you OP.

Cuntcer is very apt. It is a horrible, evil bastarding disease that has touched our family too and I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this - and so young.

You be as angry as you need to be, you have every right and then some. I genuinely wish you the best for your forthcoming treatment OP x

@EmperorBallpitine I love you. That may not be the MN response but you are amazing! Let’s smash gins and tell cancer to FUCK OFF.