Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating new man.. Sex talk

89 replies

Pheebs990 · 14/10/2019 20:33

Recently dating someone new (around 4 months in). We've slept together once and it was unprotected but he did pull out. After this I was late for my cycle and was extremely paranoid I may be pregnant (he was aware I was stressed) but I eventually came on and was just late.

After I made a point of saying I would never be so stupid again as I already have a little one and am in no position to have any other one.

He then mentioned to me about going on the pill and I said I hadn't wanted too for personal reasons and that also rules out a fair few other contraceptive methods. I mentioned using condoms and he said he didn't want too as its never worked in the past (he can't keep it up, sorry tmi).

But, after saying that I didn't want to use the pill, he replied with 'it can't be that bad' to which I spelled the reasons out again. It came up in another conversation which he asked if I'd started taking it yet and oviovusly I told him I hadn't. Then today he's messaged (not randomly but again in the topic of the convo) that 'pulling out seems best then as the chances are slim, but knowing our luck you'll get pregnant' I replied with an off message as I didn't find it funny bearing in mind I was very stressed before and he replied with a blunt message back.

Am I blowing it out of proportion or am I right to be somewhat annoyed by this?

OP posts:
ShimmeryShiny · 14/10/2019 20:38

YANBU. Selfish springs to mind.

ChangedMyNameYetAgain · 14/10/2019 20:38

YABU.
It's a perfectly acceptable attitude of a man who wants to spend the next 18 years paying for an unplanned child.

PooWillyBumBum · 14/10/2019 20:39

Run! He sounds like a prick.

MsVestibule · 14/10/2019 20:39

I think you know the answer to this one...

I would never take any hormonal contraception again and would take a very dim view of a man who refused to use a condom. Is he really worth this hassle?

TheQueef · 14/10/2019 20:40

Sounds like YOU need a break from dating.
About ten years should do it.

Sparklesocks · 14/10/2019 20:40

He sounds like a teenager not a grown man. If he can’t have a mature conversation about contraception and find a method that works for you both, he’s probably not mature enough to be in a relationship tbh.

ChangedMyNameYetAgain · 14/10/2019 20:40

OP, get yourself checked for STIs and tell the selfish fucker to f off to the far side of f. And while you're at it get yourself some self respect.

Tabitha005 · 14/10/2019 20:41

He sounds incredibly pushy and selfish, imho. By the sounds of it, he doesn't want children, so why is he making contraception all YOUR responsibility?

Jaffacakebeast · 14/10/2019 20:42

Fuck that! I hate men like that

PocketMoneyMonster · 14/10/2019 20:42

I wouldn't give him another second of your time. Bin him and move on. Awful man.

RubaDubMum89 · 14/10/2019 20:43

Suggest viagra to him?

Phoebesgift · 14/10/2019 20:44

Why is he persisting with conversations about the pill when it's clear you don't want to go back on it?
He does sound a bit selfish tbh.

Inebriati · 14/10/2019 20:46

He never has protected sex, so does he ever get tested for STI's?

kristallen · 14/10/2019 20:46

You're not sexually compatible. He point blank refuses to have sex in a way that doesn't put you at risk and is trying to push what he wants on you.

Nobody, actually, is compatible with someone like that, sexually or otherwise.

Smotheroffive · 14/10/2019 20:48

He's being incredibly blasé and irresponsible about contraception.

Did you both get tested before unprotected sex with someone you only knew four months?

Have you experienced him losing his erection when using a condom? If not Grin thats a new one!!! Grin

No way I'd take hormones just because he won't wear a condom. The two are just not even comparaywhen it comes to effects on your mental and physical health and mood.

Why are men still doing this and refusi g to take responsibility! Good god.

Gizmo79 · 14/10/2019 20:49

Suggest he gets a vasectomy and monthly STI checks?!
Seriously tho, he is being a prick, a soft one if wrapped apparently!

letsdolunch321 · 14/10/2019 20:55

He is being a selfish idiot expecting you to take precautions when you have outlined your reasons why you are not happy to do it.

Basically, fuck him off.

Elieza · 14/10/2019 20:56

Why are the two of you not using a barrier method, with or without another form of contraception?

Have you or he been tested for STDs since you last slept with someone without using a condom? Defo get tested now. You have both been very irresponsible and I don’t know if either of you would be mature enough to handle an unplanned pregnancy if you can’t even get a johnny out a packet and put it on. Dump his ass and you wise up. You can get diseases that kill through unprotected sex. Such as cancer. No symptoms. Awful consequences. Please be more careful in future.

melissasummerfield · 14/10/2019 20:57

So he only had unprotected sex and now you have unprotected sex with him Confused

You must be mad, i bet he is riddled!

AnyFucker · 14/10/2019 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 14/10/2019 21:01

If he genuinely cant keep it up when he uses condoms, then I guess his options are limited. A vasectomy seems quite extreme given he has only been with you 4 months and may want children one day. So he is NBU to want to talk to you about other options.

He is however being unreasonable to try and pressurise you into taking any contraception that you have already said doesnt work for you, and he is being unreasonable to try and use the withdrawal method. Although if you were happy to do it once maybe he thinks you're fine with it

Sparklesocks · 14/10/2019 21:02

Oh and get an STI test, aside from pregnancy scares contraception is there for that reason too. Especially for a new relationship where you have no idea what they might be riddled with.

Bucatini · 14/10/2019 21:02

Of course YANBU. He is being selfish.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 14/10/2019 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jupiters · 14/10/2019 21:05

It doesn't sound like you're compatible... I'd you don't want to take hormonal contraception then he shouldn't be trying to pursue you into it. Pulling out isn't a reliable method. Contraception shouldn't just be your responsibility... Although it would be you likely to be left with any consequences/decisions.

All in all... Sounds like a massive red flag to me.

Swipe left for the next trending thread