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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dating new man.. Sex talk

89 replies

Pheebs990 · 14/10/2019 20:33

Recently dating someone new (around 4 months in). We've slept together once and it was unprotected but he did pull out. After this I was late for my cycle and was extremely paranoid I may be pregnant (he was aware I was stressed) but I eventually came on and was just late.

After I made a point of saying I would never be so stupid again as I already have a little one and am in no position to have any other one.

He then mentioned to me about going on the pill and I said I hadn't wanted too for personal reasons and that also rules out a fair few other contraceptive methods. I mentioned using condoms and he said he didn't want too as its never worked in the past (he can't keep it up, sorry tmi).

But, after saying that I didn't want to use the pill, he replied with 'it can't be that bad' to which I spelled the reasons out again. It came up in another conversation which he asked if I'd started taking it yet and oviovusly I told him I hadn't. Then today he's messaged (not randomly but again in the topic of the convo) that 'pulling out seems best then as the chances are slim, but knowing our luck you'll get pregnant' I replied with an off message as I didn't find it funny bearing in mind I was very stressed before and he replied with a blunt message back.

Am I blowing it out of proportion or am I right to be somewhat annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Arnoldthecat · 14/10/2019 21:05

I dont think id ever have unprotected sex in a new relationship without us both first being tested

Original poster
Pheebs990 · 14/10/2019 21:06

OK thanks for the advice, glad to know others would be as out put.

Yes I completely agree it was very irresponsible, and have told him 100% since that it would never happen again, ofc for sti reasons as well (both been chexked prior and since but regardless)

He knows I wouldn't do pull out again but is obviously trying his luck!

OP posts:
SignedUpJust4This · 14/10/2019 21:06

What a dick. I wouldnt even bother speaking to him again.

Whatisthisfuckery · 14/10/2019 21:07

Ah well, it’s not him who’ll have to carry a pregnancy, give birth, then spend the next 20 odd years raising a child if it goes wrong is it? He sounds like a twat. He can keep his cock in his pants or go elsewhere if that’s his attitude.

Fucking men and their dicks’.

StarGOLD · 14/10/2019 21:10

I had a similar situation..Fella couldn't stay hard with a condom (absolutely confirm that he wasn't faking that) and anything hormonal wasn't compatible with me. We solved it by him getting the snip..the difference being we're an ol' married couple so it was a no brainer. I don't know how you're going to solve this. 4 months isn't long.

Ohyesiam · 14/10/2019 21:11

Avoid him

Fairenuff · 14/10/2019 21:12

Surely you have both heard of 'no glove, no love'.

Littlejets · 14/10/2019 21:15

Pheebs990

There's something called Persona, it's a contraception monitor which tells you your 'safe' days, might work for you as an option. Not necessarily with this bloke mind but just for future reference.

yellowallpaper · 14/10/2019 21:15

Dump the selfish fucker

timshelthechoice · 14/10/2019 21:17

Why are you even giving this stupid nugget the time of day? FFS. He's pushing his luck because you're letting him. Tell him to fuck off. Grow up.

LizzieSiddal · 14/10/2019 21:19

He’s got no respect for you.

He’s pushing to have unprotected sex despite you already having a pregnancy scare.

Just get rid of him- he’s horrible!

Elieza · 14/10/2019 21:22

I had a persona. So did my ex’s new partner. They have a child now. I went back to jonnies as well as soon as I heard.

My other pal used the withdrawal method. She had an abortion.

You don’t want to mess about. Either use good barrier contraception or buy a chastity belt and give the key to a trustworthy friend ha ha! Grin

Junobug · 14/10/2019 21:26

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with a withdrawal method baby combined with an incredibly irregular cycle. Luckily we're happily married and financially stable. It's not worth the risk with someone you've known for a few months.

SprinkleDash · 14/10/2019 21:49

You both sound irresponsible!

scoobydoo1971 · 14/10/2019 21:52

If you want a sexual relationship in the future with anyone, seek help from your community sexual health clinic. I couldn't take the pill due to a DVT and various other issues, but I found barrier methods that did the job until the menopause hit. It did take a specialist clinic to find something that worked for me though.

As for this man, his attitude early-on into a relationship over an issue that should be of high importance speaks volumes as to his character and long term intentions towards you. He has no respect and pushes boundaries for his own personal gain. Take care of yourself.

rainydays5 · 14/10/2019 21:52

From what you say, it seems hrs not taking you seriously or listening to you. He has a one track mind. Only getting what he wants.

AnyFucker · 14/10/2019 22:29

This reply has been deleted

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over50andfab · 14/10/2019 22:32

OP I’ve been in a similar situation - guy didn’t like condoms - turned out he had no respect for women.

Btw, there is sperm in pre cum!

Butchyrestingface · 14/10/2019 22:34

Is there some reason you are giving this knuckle dragger the time of day, @Pheebs990? Do you live on a desert island where he's the only bloke for 3000 miles?

TemporaryPermanent · 14/10/2019 22:37

Sounds like an idiot.

But if the same situation without the idiocy comes up, I'd really recommend trying the female condom.

FrenchSchnoodle · 14/10/2019 22:40

He's a dick. You're still in the 'honeymoon period' of your relationship and he's acting like this?? Move on.

ImTakingTheEssence · 14/10/2019 22:41

Yabu you can't place blame solely on him. You both appear to not want to use any form of contraception so stop sleeping with him!? If you are only sleeping with each other and have been tested good luck with pulling out!

Jollitwiglet · 14/10/2019 22:43

He loses his erection with condoms? Yeah right, just wants to get his willy wet! I wouldn't believe that one unless I saw him actually try!

BumbleBeee69 · 14/10/2019 22:48

what an arrogant selfish prick.

CatsOnCatnip · 14/10/2019 22:54

URGH. He sounds like my worst nightmare. I say this as someone who also doesn’t do well on hormonal contraceptives... RUN FROM THIS ONE. And don’t look back.