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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding top table is this OK or no?

99 replies

Amibeingsensitive · 14/10/2019 19:49

Best man, groom, bride & maid of honour only sitting at top table. Would that be ok or bit odd?

My parents aren't alive and there's only my husband to be parents.

OP posts:
plunkplunkfizz · 14/10/2019 19:50

Fine to do if that’s what you want but be prepared for the parents to take it badly.

plunkplunkfizz · 14/10/2019 19:50

BTW we were similar and just dispensed with it altogether. Stupid tradition anyway.

Nicola1892 · 14/10/2019 19:52

Could you not ask your grandparents or another close relative to sit at the top table? I had my grandparents on mine 🙂

maddiemookins16mum · 14/10/2019 19:54

I think his parents should be on the top table.

Nonnymum · 14/10/2019 19:55

Perhaps not have a top table?

Drum2018 · 14/10/2019 19:57

You don't have to have a top table at all. If you are having 8 seater tables for example, just have your table in the centre of the room and have other tables around you. You can then sit his parents, bridesmaid and her partner and groomsman and his partner (if they have partners) at your table.

TheMonkeyWhale · 14/10/2019 19:57

I would have his parents at the top table and framed photographs of yours on the table too if you so wish.

Parker231 · 14/10/2019 19:59

We didn’t have a top table. Everyone was too important to us so we had lots of circular tables for our guests and DH and I moved around so we could spend time with everyone.

Carolamc · 14/10/2019 20:00

Ok traditionally the parents were in the top table, but with the size of some 'blended' familles that would proves difficult. However if there are only 2 parents, your future husband's, why not have them? Do you not want them there, feel it would be awkward for them, really need a little more information. In the end though, it would be your choice. Ask your partner what he wants as well.

Gustavo1 · 14/10/2019 20:01

If you’re worried his parents will feel they’re missing out, you could have a “sweetheart table” for just you and the groom then have the wedding party and other guests on round tables. Or, you could just do round tables for everyone, you could have frames with your parents put into the flowers for your table so they’re with you x

CAG12 · 14/10/2019 20:02

We got rid of a top table all together.

Newkitchen123 · 14/10/2019 20:06

If it's what you both want then it's OK. It's your wedding

georgialondon · 14/10/2019 20:06

I would let your boyfriends parents be on the top table.

GrumpyHoonMain · 14/10/2019 20:09

I personally think you should just have DP and yourself on the top table. That way the BM and MOH can sit with their families too

FilledSoda · 14/10/2019 20:09

Why can't your fiancé's parents sit at the top table ?
That's only 6 people.
Is that not the obvious solution ?

Winteriscomingfast · 14/10/2019 20:09

I would have his parents at the top table and framed photographs of yours on the table too if you so wish.

Creepy

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/10/2019 20:10

We have the same situation. We debated this but everyone told us to have a sweetheart table (just the two of us), so that's what we're going to do.

Runkle · 14/10/2019 20:10

I'd do away with the top table altogether in your circs. Everyone mills about anyway.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/10/2019 20:11

Although I'll say that I couldn't just have his parents, I think. Much as I love them, I feel it'd magnify how "empty" my side is, and I'd hate that.

Cuddling57 · 14/10/2019 20:14

I think you should have them on your table unless you both have issues with them. I'm sorry you don't have your parents but it isn't their fault and they shouldn't miss out.

donquixotedelamancha · 14/10/2019 20:52

there's only my husband to be parents.

...and you don't like them?

onyourway · 14/10/2019 20:55

Can you have them and then maybe an aunt and uncle, godparents or grandparents from your side?

SleepingStandingUp · 14/10/2019 20:56

I think it's fine op and presumably dfiance is OK with it? We had a sweetheart table, so just me and DP which is the other option.
It isn't selfish to not want to do the traditional table when you dint have your parents here, in fact I think it would be rather harsh of your partner to insist on having his parents on the table

butterybiscuitbasic · 14/10/2019 20:57

How does your dh to be feel about that? How do you think they will feel about it? It may be a non-issue, it may be a big issue - it totally depends on the family dynamics.

MsSquiz · 14/10/2019 20:57

We would have done this had our best man and MOH (married) not had 3 kids who were at the wedding.

In the end we chose a sweetheart table (I hate that name, it was just a table for 2!) and had DH's parents on a table with BIL & SIL x2 and the 3 grandkids