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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding top table is this OK or no?

99 replies

Amibeingsensitive · 14/10/2019 19:49

Best man, groom, bride & maid of honour only sitting at top table. Would that be ok or bit odd?

My parents aren't alive and there's only my husband to be parents.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 14/10/2019 22:31

Why don't you want your in laws on the top table? And what does your husband think?

Butchyrestingface · 14/10/2019 22:32

*husband TO BE Grin

mummymummymummummum · 14/10/2019 22:35

We did exactly what you're suggesting. My (now) husband has no living parents. My parents were perfectly happy to sit with family and socialise!

SleepingStandingUp · 14/10/2019 22:37

This is the first time I've heard of a "sweetheart table" confused How weird
It's rely not, families are so complex that Mummy and Daddy in each side doesn't work for everyone. DH has parents who love each other, my parents love other people. It would have been weird leaving their partners sat randomly in a table together. Instead we had a sweetheart table and then three tables in the first tier of tables with the parents on one each

@AnchorDownDeepBreath I dont think it's odd and it is pretty common for various reasons. I'm sure you il's will want whatever makes you both happiest in your day

Cleverplayonwords · 14/10/2019 22:40

It's a bit of a snub to his parents tbh. Not the best way to start off married life.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 14/10/2019 22:41

Thanks @SleepingStandingUp . Both hate being the centre of attention (they had a small wedding and won't do speeches or anything at ours; at their request). I think I'll talk to fiancé and then them, if they'd like to be with us; we'll make it work Thanks

readingnc · 14/10/2019 22:52

Sleep mummy and daddy? Who said anything about them? Patronising much?

I've never heard of them despite zillions of these threads. And now it seems everyone including you had one. I find that pretty weird

JustaScratcj · 14/10/2019 22:55

My in-laws were going through a divorce at the time of my wedding. We had two top tables next to each other. Parents, MoH and best man were split across them, plus we added DH's best mate and his wife. No one cared.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/10/2019 23:03

And now it seems everyone including you had one. I find that pretty weird but why is it weird to understand 1. Not everyone has two parents alive and having your partner have his parents there and no one on your side might be really hard 2. Not all divorced parents get on well enough to sit next to each other and make small talk for a few hours 3. If you have step parents on one side it can make the seating really complicated and contentious

@AnchorDownDeepBreath sounds like they may be happier down on a family table. Hope you have a great day

readingnc · 14/10/2019 23:07

Jesus wept. It's weird that I haven't heard of one. Yet on this thread they are mentioned every second post.

Is that hard for you to grasp?

I understand that families are complicated. Trust me, I definitely don't need you to patronise me to understand that although I wish I fucking did

readingnc · 14/10/2019 23:09

I can 1, 2 and 3 it out for you though if you'd like Hmm

Pandaintheporridge · 14/10/2019 23:13

Never heard of a sweetheart table either, but I'm sure it's a thing - anything you can imagine at a wedding, someone has done it! I didn't have ddad when I married, my bro was on the table instead. I think anyone with the trauma of making a speech should be at the top table! My son was there too, so not exactly traditional but I would not leave in-laws out based on my own loss.

Nokeysnoentry · 14/10/2019 23:18

Butchyrestingface
Why don't you want your in laws on the top table? And what does your husband think?

We need answers to these questions to know how to advise.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/10/2019 23:20

Jesus wept. It's weird that I haven't heard of one. Is that hard for you to grasp? I read it as you insisting it was weird to have one soo apologise for my poor comprehension skills

Butchyrestingface · 14/10/2019 23:25

We need answers to these questions to know how to advise.

I agree. Not sure why you’re addressing your post to me though. Grin

Nokeysnoentry · 14/10/2019 23:35

Apparently that’s what I do when I have a lot on my mind! That and go on Mumsnet in the first place!

BackforGood · 14/10/2019 23:46

I'm sorry you've lost your parents before your wedding but I don't think it would be right to exclude your H2B's parents, because of that.
You can either not have a top table, or, why not sit :

Best Man, MiL, Groom, Bride, FiL, MoH

or, is there a dGodP or dBrother or dGrandP who could 'represent your family' ?

Original poster
Amibeingsensitive · 15/10/2019 09:19

I can have my brother who's walking me down the aisle and my two bridesmaids on my side I suppose. We have two children, is it best they sit on top table with us? Or do children of the married couple usually sit with family members on the other tables?

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 15/10/2019 09:23

Doesn't really matter about 'usually' just do what you actually want. If you want to sit at table with your dc then have them seated with you. If not spread them out or make a kiddy table if they and other kids are old enough.

amiapropermum · 15/10/2019 09:23

I was bridesmaid at a wedding where the groom's parents had both passed away years before. Top table was bride, groom, best man, groomsman, 2 x bridesmaids, bride's parents, groom's brother (who made a speech) and child of bride and groom

LunasOrchid · 15/10/2019 09:24

For our wedding, Husband and I sat with our DD only. It was the easiest option as DH's parents are divorced with new spouses. This balanced all the tables out and no one was sat alone without their partner.

paap1975 · 15/10/2019 09:25

We didn't have my parents at our top table either as DH doesn't have either of his parents. We had our witnesses and closest friends and then did family tables. My dad was thrilled to get to sit with his brother, who lives on the other dise of the world

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2019 09:29

@Amibeingsensitive it doesn't matter what happens "traditionally", it matters what you are both happy with. That relates to his parents and your kids.

How does DHtobe feel about his parents being on a different table? How do his parents feel about it? Will the kids settle OK with their grandparents on the table near you or are thry at an age they'd rather be sat with other young people? Do what's right for your family

Djimino · 15/10/2019 09:32

It sounds a mean to exclude your husbands parents but maybe they don’t mind? How about your husband asks them? I think it’s ok to have your grandparents on the top table or your kids.

Original poster
Amibeingsensitive · 15/10/2019 09:33

I'm worried about his parents not feeling important if they aren't on top table. On wedding day our kids will be 5 and half and the other will be just gone 2 years old

OP posts:
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