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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Incompetent staff in schools

112 replies

Emmas1985 · 14/10/2019 16:26

Hi mumsnetters

RANT TIME!!
I have an ongoing issue with my child’s school.... my child’s legal name is double barrelled with both parents surnames, however my child doesn’t have anything at all to do with his father, not our choice, and so his preferred surname is only mine. He has always been at the same school and the name change occurred in reception after a lot of bad stuff happened regarding his dad including safeguarding issues, CAFCASS and a court battle, which his dad decided he would withdraw from and have no contact. My child is adamant that his double barrelled name is not his name and he only has one name, I have spoken to the school LOTS of times about this and every year I have the same issue. Well today I’ve lost it on the administration team, to the point where one of them apologised so I feel like I won the battle (this time lol) but does anyone else have these type of issues in their schools?? How many times should I have to repeat something about the same thing??

OP posts:
Goingovertosusanshouse · 14/10/2019 16:30

If it is on the register as double barrelled then there isn’t much they can do about it unless it is legally changed. Is it just written on stuff, letters etc?

TheVanguardSix · 14/10/2019 16:36

They’re following protocol and using his legal name and you haven’t had dad’s permission to change it to only yours. So unfortunately, from a legal stance, you’re in the wrong.

I understand your wishes. My own son legally uses my surname. You can do the same. You’ve got to the legwork, not the school.
Sorry.

Original poster
Emmas1985 · 14/10/2019 16:40

Theres an option for a preferred name and his preferred name is one name, I understand on my reports and official stuff they have no choice but to give it me double barrelled, I’m fine with that, but it’s things in class that can be avoided which they do have a choice over as they offer the option of the preferred name. It upsets him that every year it’s starts off the same with all his books having to be changed etc. It’s just poor communication, but little things to young children mean a lot. The conversation ended with oh we have lots of children who have a preferred name it won’t happen again, so the obviously can do something about it Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Emmas1985 · 14/10/2019 16:44

**TheVanguardSix- how do you legally use your surname? Believe me I’ve done four years of legwork and had this conversation over and over again, my friend is an assistant head and assured me the situation wouldn’t happen in other schools she has worked in

OP posts:
WoollyFoolly · 14/10/2019 16:46

I work in school admin and our computer system won't let you enter a preferred surname, only a preferred first name. So I can quite believe there's not much they can do to get it properly sorted out unless you legally change it, and you are relying on someone remembering every year to change just your son's books.

SpiderCharlotte · 14/10/2019 16:56

What do you mean you 'lost it'? What did you actually do/say? @Emmas1985

Clangus00 · 14/10/2019 16:56

They're not incompetent they're doing their job. Your son's legal name is the name they have to use.
Get your solicitor to get his father's permission to change his surname, that's really all you can do.

SpiderCharlotte · 14/10/2019 16:57

my friend is an assistant head and assured me the situation wouldn’t happen in other schools she has worked in

Well this is nonsense for a start. Mistakes can happen anywhere.

myself2020 · 14/10/2019 16:59

Preferred name refers to a first name, not a last name....
So freddy instead of Frederick, Annie instead of Annabella.

noblegiraffe · 14/10/2019 17:01

Why don’t you change his name?

Cohle · 14/10/2019 17:01

Calling staff "incompetent" and going on a "RANT" for using your child's legal name is ridiculous.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 14/10/2019 17:02

I never knew that preferred name could apply to a preferred surname, only first names.

LolaSmiles · 14/10/2019 17:02

They're not incompetent. They are doing their job.

They cannot change a child's surname without it being a legal change. If their name hasn't been legally changed then it can't be changed.

Most systems allow for a preferred first name option. None I've seen have a preferred surname.

At secondary, we have some students who write their preferred surname on their exercise books and but everything done by school is in their legal name. . I had one parent get on my case every year for 4 out of 5 years the child was in my form, they had a go at me, slated the admin staff for being useless, kicked off at the head of year. By half way through y11 they got the message.

To be honest, I'm more concerned about a parent harassing admin staff to act outside of their remit to the point of losing it and then taking that as some "I won the battle" situation. How horrible and unpleasant.

JoyceDivision · 14/10/2019 17:02

Some systems may have an option to input a 'known' name but the legal name has to be recorded. You can't avoid it being held, unless you want to legally change it so the legal name becomes the known /preferred name.

cuppycakey · 14/10/2019 17:03

YABU. The staff are not being incompetent, in fact they appear to be bending over backwards to be helpful.

And I agree, referred name is usually first name related.

Just change his last name legally.

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 14/10/2019 17:05

Yabu, you need to legally change your sons name, or his GCSE certificates will have the double barrelled name, the one on his birth certificate, passport and medical records etc.

You need to have his name changed legally.

notsohippychick · 14/10/2019 17:06

This hardly screams of incompetence. I think schools do a great job considering the pressure they are under.

rubyroot · 14/10/2019 17:06

You need to get this changed by d poll as it may be the preferred name but I believe they have to use actual name for legal purposes on registers and examination certificates etc. I suggest you stop exaggerating about incompetent staff and get the name changed legally.

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 14/10/2019 17:06

Sorry I thought I'd deleted that last line Confused

notsohippychick · 14/10/2019 17:07

My legal name is something I never use. However on occasions people use it because they have to, it’s my legal name. I don’t lose it with people who use it. It’s not a big deal.

MotherOfSoupDragons · 14/10/2019 17:08

Some systems DO allow a preferred surname.

AravisQueenOfArchenland · 14/10/2019 17:09

I reckon you owe the administration team an apology actually. What do you mean you "lost it"?

MyChemicalMummy · 14/10/2019 17:09

Preferred name usually refers to their first name. Get his surname changed legally and it won't happen again. The school are only using his Legal name.

PinkCrayon · 14/10/2019 17:14

I have two kids that use a preferred or known as surname so I don't know how there are people on here saying that doesn't happen it certainly does. They have been in a few different schools and we have never had a problem with using their preffered surname.
Also in regards to people telling op to just change his surname. You can't without permission from the other parent with parental responsibility.

PBo83 · 14/10/2019 17:16

I agree with those above. You can't complain (and you certainly shouldn't 'lose it') because someone uses his legal name (which you and his father gave him in the first place). You want to change it, then change it legally.

For what it's worth, I can't think how often teachers use a child's surname anyway. I think an apology to whoever you 'lost it' with (for doing their job!) is due.