Incompetent staff in schools

[Emmas1985]

Hi mumsnetters

RANT TIME!!
I have an ongoing issue with my child’s school.... my child’s legal name is double barrelled with both parents surnames, however my child doesn’t have anything at all to do with his father, not our choice, and so his preferred surname is only mine. He has always been at the same school and the name change occurred in reception after a lot of bad stuff happened regarding his dad including safeguarding issues, CAFCASS and a court battle, which his dad decided he would withdraw from and have no contact. My child is adamant that his double barrelled name is not his name and he only has one name, I have spoken to the school LOTS of times about this and every year I have the same issue. Well today I’ve lost it on the administration team, to the point where one of them apologised so I feel like I won the battle (this time lol) but does anyone else have these type of issues in their schools?? How many times should I have to repeat something about the same thing??

Actually quincejamplease, a child can only be known by a new name at school if everyone with parental responsibility has given consent, and schools are required to take reasonable steps to establish that this is so. You can check this yourself.

So it is completely unreasonable, OP, that you are asking the school to use a preferred surname without consent from the child’s father.

So it is completely unreasonable, OP, that you are asking the school to use a preferred surname without consent from the child’s father.

And it is also completely unreasonable to "lose it" at an employee of your child's school (or doctor's surgery, or wherever) for something that is not within their power to do.

Did it give you some sort of buzz or power trip, to behave like that today?

I'm sure we have a preferred surname option on SIMS too. We have a lot of kids with parental issues so we have to be really hot on keeping track. But it shouldn't be that hard to do.

Having said that, it's really not on to shout at the office staff, especially if you've gone on a rant at 8.50 or 3.10. We have 140002 things to remember at that time and it won't get you anywhere.

Speaking as a teacher I think it’s reasonable to get annoyed with anything that you have politely asked repeatedly and massively impacts a child. It would take someone remembering but in primary school that’s quite easy as old teacher could during handover to new teacher simply say please only use Y name not X name. Hardly difficult. I can understand people make mistakes but they should keep happening.

Even if there is a preferred surname option (and I work with SIMs every day and have never seen it), it doesn't sound as though the OP has legally changed her child's name. She says her son wants to be known as just her name, but however unfair it might seem for an absent parent to object, the father here would be well within his rights to blast the school for doing changing their systems without his permission. And then that poor admin assistant would have another ranting parent to fend off.

At the school I work in the admin staff have nothing to do with book labels- the TAs print them off at the end of the summer term. If TAs pass on info about names they will get typed as the parents wish. We have two parents who insist their child's middle name (not double barrelled or even ever used when speaking to the children) is used on everything written. Mostly we remember, because it's a small school and because we think the parents are being ridiculous

So I don't think you should have had a go at the admin staff. Just remind the new teacher at the start of the new school year- she probably hasn't received a message about and will be happy so go along with your chosen name, even if what's in the register is different.

I'm sure we have a preferred surname option on SIMS too. We have a lot of kids with parental issues so we have to be really hot on keeping track. But it shouldn't be that hard to do.

It is there on some updates yes, but only in the last year. However, it can only be changed with consent from all with parental responsibility. That’s the point, really.

School registers all come from one data source. And that's the legal registration from when he started school. Only legal documents can change that

It depends on how/when the name is used. In my school the official name will always be on the register, official documentation, external exam papers etc - it has to be obviously for legal reasons - but on a work book or addressing the child etc you can use a preferred name e.g. often step-dads surname name if for the child that is the parent or as in the OPs case mum’s surname if dad is absent.

Well, what happens when ds comes to do GCSE’s they’ll use his birth certificate surname surely.

My ds doesn’t have my surname - teachers constantly refer to me as mrsdssurname, it’s on letters too. I don’t feel the need to correct them as they mean no harm.

There are some things that just have to have the legal name on and the school has no choice. Then when some documents have the "full" name on it will automatically get copied. Staff won't be doing it deliberately but I think incompetence is a bit strong.

Change his name if it's that important to you/him.

you sound completely awful.

Well done OP for being a bitch to the school admin. I'm one, on low pay. It's a tough job at times, but I do it with unfailing professionalism, friendliness, hard work and care towards our pupils. You're clearly proud of yourself, hence your 'lol' and use of phrases such as 'losing it' and 'ranting'.
Try penning a polite letter to the Head, with your preferred name request. This will be filtered out to all staff, who will respect yours and your child's wishes where possible and appropriate in line with school protocols.
And quit being so nasty. You'll find people are so much more receptive to good manners.

Oh Lord. Your personal life dramas, ins and outs are really not the school's problem. They're using his legal name correctly. Get over yourself.

School Business Manager here. SIMS does have a preferred surname option. We have several children in school that prefer to be known as a different surname from their legal surname.

It’s very straight forward to change it, and the child’s preferred name would then appear on registers etc.

When we have parents requesting that their child be known by a different fore or surname, I ask them to put it in writing, and explain that for official documents (e.g. statutory tests etc), the legal surname would be featured.

If I were you, I’d put your request in writing, so that this remains on your child’s record.

Please don’t abuse admin staff, though, they’re often the unsung heroes that do so much but get so much flack too.

This is rubbish, I have never had a problem with asking a school to do exactly as you have OP. All the posters saying it's not possible are talking rubbish.

When it applies to a child, all people who have Parental Responsibility have to consent to a name change or a court order has to be made.

Not so much dense, more 'aware of the legalities'.

Your child’s gcse certificates will need to be in their full name so asking them to refer to your child with only part of the name can’t last forever. Preferred names refer to first names

I hope that when changing legal surnames (note, changing), schools are requesting any of the following:

birth certificate
copy of a parental responsibility agreement
copy of a court order.

as specified by the Education Act. I wonder if the OP has provided anything similar?

My surname was legally changed during my first year in primary school, it was changed on the system however it only updated half of the registers, and in most of my classes my surname was still my previous one.
Even with proof of legal name change it never really got sorted, just something I had to put up with for my high school years.
It’s no ones ‘fault’ as such, just something that can’t really be helped.
Even as an adult I have to prove my name change as it differs from my birth certificate, caused some confusion when I had to have a DBS check for a job in a nursery.

You lost it with the Admin team?

Let’s guess what name they’re going to call you from now on.

I agree that SIMS can and does have a "preferred surname" option and has done for at least 4 years. This does not mean it's changed legally, just that it's how the child will be known during their time in school, although registers as legal documents will remain with the legal name. However it may be that any reports that are run off at the beginning of the year for example, have the default set as listing the legal name not the preferred one. Not incompetent staff but merely a history/habit of doing things a certain way which is hard to break.

I hope that when changing legal surnames (note, changing), schools are requesting any of the following: birth certificate, copy of a parental responsibility agreement, copy of a court order. as specified by the Education Act. I wonder if the OP has provided anything similar?

I think she sent them the birth certificate wrapped around brick.

@howrudeforme

Well, what happens when ds comes to do GCSE’s they’ll use his birth certificate surname surely.*
*
They asked me what name I wanted. I picked and chose which parts of my name were on my certificate They asked DS1 what name he wanted - he missed out his middle name. With DS2 I Emailed the school to tell them to use his full name, so who knows.

If you have a court order it will state on it the child can't be known by any other name.