Incompetent staff in schools

[Emmas1985]

Hi mumsnetters

RANT TIME!!
I have an ongoing issue with my child’s school.... my child’s legal name is double barrelled with both parents surnames, however my child doesn’t have anything at all to do with his father, not our choice, and so his preferred surname is only mine. He has always been at the same school and the name change occurred in reception after a lot of bad stuff happened regarding his dad including safeguarding issues, CAFCASS and a court battle, which his dad decided he would withdraw from and have no contact. My child is adamant that his double barrelled name is not his name and he only has one name, I have spoken to the school LOTS of times about this and every year I have the same issue. Well today I’ve lost it on the administration team, to the point where one of them apologised so I feel like I won the battle (this time lol) but does anyone else have these type of issues in their schools?? How many times should I have to repeat something about the same thing??

every year I have the same issue.

Some systems DO allow a preferred surname.

This is true, but real names are what they are enrolled with. The school has a legal duty to check personal information each year. We have a lot of similar issues with parents of kids with different names who don't return the forms each year.

I'm not sure it's incompetent to reset to his legal surname each year, so much as just how their system deals with your request of using a nick-surname.

As many have said: Why not just change his legal surname to avoid the drama?

Please don't shout at office staff.

Each year when I had a new class, I would have to print off the class registration list, and use this to print labels for books.
The register holds legal names.

So much of school admin is done using computer systems that have limited functionality and reporting has to be done in line with statutory guidelines. Almost everything is legal surname. Some school systems have a second box for preferred name, others it's just a comment type note that can get added.

Please please please don't 'lose it' with school admin staff (Unless they personally are also incompetent in other ways) but I'd be confident that they have no control on the way data is displayed. They aren't able to keep track of every detail of hundreds of pupils in their head. Plus if irate parents come in a 'lose' it at them for things out of their control you'll probably find the decent members of staff who do care and are actually good at their job will quit and you'll just be left with the crap ones who don't care!

Next time write a note explaining that please use your child’s preferred name in all places where it is presented to the child or in public view.

Please don't 'lose it' with the school admin staff. They are very often underpaid, over-worked and have very little control over the decisions that the school makes. Sadly as the 'face' of the school they often get the abuse for school policy or somebody else's mistakes.
They probably apologised to appease you and stop you from making a bigger scene. You haven't 'won' anything, except the 'that parent' crown.
I understand that you are frustrated, but you might want to apologise to them tomorrow.

The preferred name is their Christian name, you can't prefer a different legal name
Change it legally if it bothers you that much.
You owe that poor person an apology, what a cuntish thing to do.

On SIMS, the preferred name option is for their first name.

So you can interpret the apology as admin code for 'Will you just fuck off, you ridiculous woman, if we could change it, we would have done by now because we have a million more important things to do in our day than deal with you shrieking at us'.

I work in a school and it drives me mad when my underpaid, overworked and endlessly patient colleagues in the front office are called "incompetent" by obnoxious Parents for things that are actually beyond their control. As others have said, the preferred name option on school systems refers to first names- its generally used for kids who want to shorten their first name, or in some cultures it's common to use a middle name as a first name. If your child's last name distresses him then you need to seek to have that changed officially rather than 'losing it' with school staff.

I'm amazed that teachers print off names for books, why can't the children just write their own names on? (Past 5 or 6 of course!)

The computer system at my school does not allow for surname changes. We also do not allow rude parents on our premises.

Just goes to show, there's a 'THAT parent' in every school!

I feel sorry for the staff dealing with these issues and parents like you. There are many, many children in a school you know. Imagine if they all have an actual surname and a preferred surname

SIMS asks for a preferred first name only because otherwise there's nothing to stop you and your ex changing the poor kid's surname back and forth between you every week. Sure other school software does the same. Get it changed legally if you can, otherwise you are going to have to let this one go.

As pp have said, teachers will get a print out class list which will state legal names for children. It's happened to me that I've written names on all the books and then found out a child actually goes by a different first name.

Any printouts of class lists or assessment data etc. will most likely have your child's registered name on, so for many staff members at the school your son will have the double-barrelled surname. Please don't have a go at any of the staff, it's a small thing that will regularly come up unless you legally change your son's name.

And as for the pp who asked why children can't write their own names on, it's because it takes time to ensure every child, regardless of ability, writes the front of an exercise book correctly. And schools can be such pedants at expecting each child's book to be pristine and looking exactly the same, they would rather an adult did it. Oh, and getting 30 6-year-olds to write the front of each of their 5 or 6 exercise books takes too much time that SLT would rather see used for teaching.

On SIMS there is a legal surname and preferred surname option, it isn’t tricky.

The admin at my sons school doesn’t appear to be great, I’m the first contact as I’m the parent, but admin seem to be adamant that my cousin is his mum (he doesn’t have a mum) to the point that she gets messages about parents evening etc and I don’t. Admin insisted I was down as his parent and priority contact, when I asked to see SIMS she was labelled as mother and I was other family member!

I don't think the OP will come back, are people really that dense as to think they can change legal names on a whim.
Mine doesn't like her surname, maybe we should all march up to school with our children who don't like their names.
Could you imagine it.
This thread would be classic if not so

I'm a teacher. I prepare all the book name labels before the start of term using the information on the register so if the name is double-barrelled on there, that's how it goes on the books.

I work in a school and it drives me mad when my underpaid, overworked and endlessly patient colleagues in the front office are called "incompetent" by obnoxious Parents for things that are actually beyond their control.

Me too. I'm so sick of our front office staff (who are so lovely) being treated like shit by parents. It's disgusting. They work bloody hard and don't deserve it, nobody does. So, OP, many congratulations for adding to their already difficult day.

Your child is enrolled on the school's computerised system under their legal, double- barrelled surname. Their teacher is able to generate and print out book labels using this system, and the names on the stickers will be the names that are on the school system. Maybe it's not possible to change the names. What is on the system, is what's printed out.

You will obviously need to change the surname legally, provide evidence of this for the school so they can update their systems, and hey presto, the teachers will print out the 'correct' name.

I don't understand this sort of behaviour, this unwarranted flying off the handle.

Why not print your own stickers? I'm sure the teacher would be happy for you to do this.

schools can be such pedants at expecting each child's book to be pristine and looking exactly the same

Yy to this!

In the UK your legal name is the one you generally use and are known by.

"Speaking generally the law of this country allows any person to assume and use any name, provided its use is not calculated to deceive and to inflict pecuniary loss." (Lord Lindley in Cowley)

"Under English law, a person may change their surname at will. The law concerns itself only with the question whether the individual has in fact assumed and has come to be known by a surname different from that by which they were originally known. So long as that is the case the change of surname will be valid. The process is not subject to any documentary formalities although there is a facility for doing so through the UK courts by way of a Deed Poll or Statutory Declaration."

Your birth certificate just shows the name that was registered at that time.

Does his dad still have PR? You would need his consent or court order to change it formally (i.e. For passport) prior to age 16. After that he can adopt any name he likes formally.

But we are all free to use any first name and surname we like regardless of what our birth certificate states. *normal fraud caveats apply

So many people talking so much ignorant shit about "legal names" on this thread. You are the dense ones, not the op.

There is no obligation to use the name on your birth certificate.

Well, if you have "lost it" at the office staff to the extent that one of them was upset/flustered enough to have apologised for something that is not their fault, then you need to damn well get yourself back in there tomorrow and apologise!

This is exactly the tale of myself and my son, except the scummy biofather would not give permission to DS to change his name ie remove his part of the double barrel. I needed a deed poll but as I worked in the school he was at everyone just assumed he had my name. So I may never have had money from him I have a wonderful son and he had his own surname.

OP what did you say to the admin when you "lost it"