Incompetent staff in schools

[Emmas1985]

Hi mumsnetters

RANT TIME!!
I have an ongoing issue with my child’s school.... my child’s legal name is double barrelled with both parents surnames, however my child doesn’t have anything at all to do with his father, not our choice, and so his preferred surname is only mine. He has always been at the same school and the name change occurred in reception after a lot of bad stuff happened regarding his dad including safeguarding issues, CAFCASS and a court battle, which his dad decided he would withdraw from and have no contact. My child is adamant that his double barrelled name is not his name and he only has one name, I have spoken to the school LOTS of times about this and every year I have the same issue. Well today I’ve lost it on the administration team, to the point where one of them apologised so I feel like I won the battle (this time lol) but does anyone else have these type of issues in their schools?? How many times should I have to repeat something about the same thing??

Well today I’ve lost it on the administration team

Well, don’t you sound delightful.

@Andsoitisjust99 Well, also 'speaking as a teacher' (big deal), I don't think that 'losing it' with the admin staff is acceptable. You may, of course, be one of those teachers who believe themselves to be better than admin staff, though I hope not. They deserve to be spoken to with respect, even if one of them has (gasp), made a mistake. By all means be annoyed OP, but don't be rude.

I wonder if the OP will be back or if this is another very angry school thread which appears and is abandoned after getting people annoyed.
There does seem to be a lot of threads lately where an OP gets irrationally furious over a fairly minor school situation.

I think she sent them the birth certificate wrapped around brick.

I shouldn’t have laughed at this but well played!

Change his name legally if seeing his actual name upsets him so much, this is all on you! Not the school admin team who have to remember hundreds of names and have to deal with legal names on all administration. Just sort out the problem.

But well done for having a go at the admin staff, so happy for you that you feel like you ‘won’. You sound fucking horrible.

You do realise your child will be dealing with this for the rest of his life until it’s legally changed, don’t you? But it’s alright, screaming at admin staff sounds like something you enjoy. So crack on!

So they've got how many hundred kids and people are supposed to remember legal names for some things correspondence etc but with other things use whatever you fancy calling the child

My child's school rang me up while I was at work last week and asked me to collect my child as she was poorly. Gave me a quick run down of what was wrong and told me she would be waiting in reception. I arrive, look around ready to scoop up my child and I couldn't see her. Goes to the desk to have a girl who was sat on the bench pointed out to me. Same first and last name, but not my child. Very unusual situation, but incompetence on their part given my child is 10 and a member of primary, this child was 14 and part of secondary. I didn't "lose it" with the school. Frustrated yes, but more concerned that this child had already waited 40 minutes for the wrong parent to turn up. In your circumstances, they are only doing what they are legally bound to do. However frustrating this may be, they do not deserve your abuse.

alwayscauseastir
In my school I've taught 3 girls with the same name and this year I have a student with an identical name to another student.

In my last school there were 3 students with the same name but one of them was well known for poor behaviour. Some kind soul in admin had made a sticky notification on the pupil page to say "please check you have the correct Adam Blogs". Clearly a lovely mild mannered child had ended up with sanctions, behaviour points and calls home for the wrong Adam Blogs.

It's not as unusual as you imagine. I can imagine it is hugely frustrating at times for the children and parents concerned when things go amiss.

Preferred name is only for their first name eg Alexander - preferred name Alex.

Looking at SIMs now. Definitely a preferred surname option on mine so it can be done for day to day school purposes.

Not all schools, especially primary, use SIMS. I have never worked in one that uses it.

Why aren't the admin staff updating the surname on the records system?
I'd like the school staff to show you where in law it says they have to use the 'legal name' because you can choose to call yourself whatever you like. It's only if you use change your name for criminal purposes, that it becomes an issue.

School staff that refer to made up laws, make themselves look foolish.

Embracing your last name

To those with children with a name they are rejecting and you can’t change it. Can you help your child embrace it? Just as you would help them embrace something else they weren’t happy about - not happy with their hair, being too short/tall etc

It is not just their father’s name it belonged to many generations of people. I’m sure if you were able to go back in time you would find someone you could get along with. Could you go on ancestry.com and do some research into that branch of the family tree?

I have a friend who disliked his last name (for the similar dad reason) so much that he did not give it too his children. But he has kept it as he didn’t think to change it earlier in his adult life and now it would be awkward professionally. But he looks at it pragmatically not emotionally.

Parents are free to register their child under whatever name they choose. The issue in this instance is that once on the register, this name cannot be changed unless everyone with parental responsibility has given consent. Local authorities will have their own policy about what, if any, documentation is needed. See, for example, changing of name policy.

I wonder what all these people who think they should be able to walk in and change their child's name at will would be saying if their children's father also called up changing their child's name on his day so because he's their parent.

I'm going to guess that this is one of those situations where if mum says then everyone should jump (and if not she can kick off and have a go at the admin staff because it's so funny), but if dad says then he should be given no information and not be able to request or authorise anything

Parents are free to register their child under whatever name they choose

Surely not? Schools are institutions with heavy child safeguarding responsibilities, not an Internet forum.

If a parent could just take a kid out of one school and register them at another under whatever name they choose, that child has just disappeared.

"To those with children with a name they are rejecting and you can’t change it. Can you help your child embrace it? Just as you would help them embrace something else they weren’t happy about - not happy with their hair, being too short/tall etc

It is not just their father’s name it belonged to many generations of people. I’m sure if you were able to go back in time you would find someone you could get along with. Could you go on ancestry.com and do some research into that branch of the family tree? "

No they like having a surname for whom they have connection with. My son hasn't seen him since he was 2 and my daughter wouldn't know him if he walked past her down the street as he abandoned her as a baby. He told me he didn't want them anymore as he had a new family now. (not that he bothered before that)
Would you want a surname of a man like that
My kids schools do the preffered name change its never been an issue for my kids they have the surname of the people they are connected to. I can only change it with his permission even though he has abandoned them both emotionally and financially for most of their lives it's ridiculous. The children can change it officially themselves when they are 16.

a child can only be known by a new name at school if everyone with parental responsibility has given consent, and schools are required to take reasonable steps to establish that this is so

Not true for Scotland. Don’t know about other countries

It’s stipulated in the Education Act. It’s quite clear there. Definitely enforceable in England and Wales. You are right that in Northern Ireland and Scotland, it is legal to have a `known as name'. But not in England & Wales.

Why aren't the admin staff updating the surname on the records system?
I'd like the school staff to show you where in law it says they have to use the 'legal name' because you can choose to call yourself whatever you like. It's only if you use change your name for criminal purposes, that it becomes an issue.

School staff that refer to made up laws, make themselves look foolish.

You obviously haven’t read the full thread but to change a surname, in a school, you have to have consent from all who have parental responsibility. So yes, you can change your preferred surname for your child but not unless you can provide them with written consent from both parents, especially when separated. In this case, it is obvious that the OP hasn’t, so should not have been so arsey with the staff.
One reason is so that children don’t disappear from the ‘system’ and also so that they don’t have to face legal action from a disgruntled parent.

I mean, look at the many MN posts from parents who are angry at the school from changing children’s names and/addresses without their knowledge, because the father has done so. Can’t have it both ways!

The preferred name concerns the first name, so f.ex. your child is called Edward but has a strong preference for Teddy and wants teachers to address him as such.
Otherwise, the school is following the rules, not their fault- you can change your child's to just yours and voila, problem solved. Hardly incompetence if it is something that can be changed at YOUR end.

Chloe
First rule of MN. If a mum wants something then regardless of the father it should happen, but if a father wants to do anything he should jump through hoops and mum should always have a veto.

Names have to be both people with parental responsibility, but addresses can be either parent I believe.

There's also been threads where posters have been annoyed that their ex and child's father has been added to school communication without their consent / similar situations.

So you're in the wrong, then you go and have it out with the admin staff who are paid not much more than minimum wage to keep arseholes like you happy? You need to go on there and apologise. You've behaved disgracefully.