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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there’s a chance he fancies me back?

93 replies

Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:42

I’m very attracted to a guy at work but unfortunately relationships are not allowed in my profession. We started working together 18 months ago and it was pretty much lust at first sight from my side! He’s a down to earth, caring, funny guy. We have become really close and there’s a lot of smiling and eye contact but nothing has been spoken of because it’s not allowed.

This time last year it was my birthday coming up and I took the day off work to do my own thing. He was the only colleague who texted me and actually was the first person at all to wish me a happy birthday by text! I got a couple of other birthday texts from a couple of relatives and a couple of friends but that was all. And that’s totally fine because I’m a bit older and don’t really care that much about my birthday. I certainly don’t expect other people to care or remember!

So last week he said to me, “It’s your birthday coming up, the 19th isn’t it?”.

I was impressed and surprised that he had remembered the date.

Can I claim it as evidence that he might like me back too....????? Please!! 😊

So AIBU to think he fancies me because he remembered my birthday?

Yes - he fancies you
No - he doesn’t!!

OP posts:
100PercentThatBitch · 14/10/2019 00:44

Why aren't relationships allowed?

If you absolutely cannot ever pursue it, it will only cause constant heartache whether you know he likes you back or not

MissConductUS · 14/10/2019 00:45

He might well fancy you but what are you going to do about it?

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:45

It’s difficult to explain. We could pursue it if one of us left. So it is possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:46

Do you think him remembering my birthday is a positive sign or meaningless?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 14/10/2019 00:47

I'm interested in what profession can forbid relationships? In mine people in relationships must declare it and are usually not able to work together, so generally one person is moved to a different team. But to be totally banned seems unusual.

Re whether he fancies you, it's impossible to tell. The only way you'll know is by telling him how you feel.

managedmis · 14/10/2019 00:48

Positive sign obviously

What did you say back?

100PercentThatBitch · 14/10/2019 00:48

It's a good sign but it's just as much the sign of a good friend as an interested party

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:49

I just said that it was well remembered.

OP posts:
Motherinlawsdung · 14/10/2019 00:50

Are you a nun and he’s your priest?

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:51

I don’t want to say our profession as I’m scared of being identified! Paranoid, I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:51

Nunsnet! 🤣

OP posts:
100PercentThatBitch · 14/10/2019 00:52

Does he have some sort of responsibility over you, so it would be a conflict?

SuchAToDo · 14/10/2019 00:53

He may only see you as a friend (after all friends wish happy birthday and remember birthdays )..but unless he says or you ask you can't know

The only thing is, if relationships are not allowed and you tell him how you feel/ask him how he feels....if he goes and repeats it to the boss and says Matilda1983 told me she has feelings for me/asked if I had feelings for her.....would that be enough in your company for it to jepordised your job?

I would play this very carefully, it's not only your job you could be playing with, it's his too....

littleorangecat22 · 14/10/2019 00:54

Relationships are forbidden completely, or you're just not allowed to be in a relationship with your coworkers per company policy?

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:55

I don’t want to tell him how I feel because it feels like there’s too much riding on it.

I really really like him and fancy him but I don’t want to make a fool of myself. If he is attracted to me then he could just as easily make the first move. However, he’s very much a ‘plays life by the rules’ kind of person so I suspect he would never say anything until one of us leaves.

I can wait but I’m desperate to know whether my feelings are reciprocated. There’s all this electricity but maybe it’s only me who’s feeling it!

OP posts:
littleorangecat22 · 14/10/2019 00:55

posted too soon

I personally think that if there's something there, it's a waste not to at least mention it to him. Professions shouldn't dictate our personal lives unless theyre a profession that requires it in total (like being a nun as mentioned upthread), and even then I'd be wondering if it was worth it if you might miss out on a great relationship as a consequence.

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:57

No relationships with coworkers allowed. I can have a relationship with someone from outside!

He’s more senior than me (but not with access to my HR records and date of birth!).

OP posts:
100PercentThatBitch · 14/10/2019 00:59

The only occupations I can think of that might need such a rule is the military or the intelligence services

Is he James Bond?

MyKingdomForBrie · 14/10/2019 01:00

Assuming he's single? I'd say he likes you back. Do you message out of work time other than the birthday message? Maybe just text him something innocuous to see if a conversation starts up..

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 01:01

Ha! He might be James Bond 😉

He’s hotter and more intelligent than Bond. And sexier. Swoon...!

OP posts:
Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 01:03

Yes we text and chat outside of work already. We’re very close. Except for discussing any ‘feelings’ for each other. He probably knows me better than anybody.

Hmmm. So he probably knows already then.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 14/10/2019 01:11

If it can't go anywhere then it's a waste of time and emotional energy.

I'd be making plans to get on the dating scene, if you want a BF.

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 01:12

I want to know if you think him remembering my birthday from a year ago means that he fancies me back? 😉

OP posts:
Poignet · 14/10/2019 01:19

@Ponoka7 is right. It’s irrelevant if you can’t be in a relationship with a co-worker. What are you going to do, quit your job in the hope that he’ll ask you out as soon as you handed in your notice?

Creepster · 14/10/2019 01:23

Some people are just like that with everyone.
Pay attention to how he interacts with others and you will have your answer.

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