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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there’s a chance he fancies me back?

93 replies

Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:42

I’m very attracted to a guy at work but unfortunately relationships are not allowed in my profession. We started working together 18 months ago and it was pretty much lust at first sight from my side! He’s a down to earth, caring, funny guy. We have become really close and there’s a lot of smiling and eye contact but nothing has been spoken of because it’s not allowed.

This time last year it was my birthday coming up and I took the day off work to do my own thing. He was the only colleague who texted me and actually was the first person at all to wish me a happy birthday by text! I got a couple of other birthday texts from a couple of relatives and a couple of friends but that was all. And that’s totally fine because I’m a bit older and don’t really care that much about my birthday. I certainly don’t expect other people to care or remember!

So last week he said to me, “It’s your birthday coming up, the 19th isn’t it?”.

I was impressed and surprised that he had remembered the date.

Can I claim it as evidence that he might like me back too....????? Please!! 😊

So AIBU to think he fancies me because he remembered my birthday?

Yes - he fancies you
No - he doesn’t!!

OP posts:
ChampagneCommunist · 14/10/2019 11:21

Maybe bring up the subject of "no relationships allowed" and ask for his opinions on it

81Byerley · 14/10/2019 11:23

I think you should relax and just enjoy the feelings you get when you are with him. They would fade if you got into a relationship with him! People do remember dates for various reasons. It could be that it's also his mum's birthday, or on the other hand, it could be that he's obsessed with you as well!

HiJenny35 · 14/10/2019 12:10

Life is too short.
I'd say "I've not planned anything for my birthday how boring, let me know if you are free for a quick drink straight after work at x" (somewhere walkable from work). Then see how he acts.

ConFusion360 · 14/10/2019 12:59

I think if he fancies you he would have made a move by now, because that's what men usually do

I fancied a colleague. I was pretty sure he fancied me too but I had to hit him over the head with a metaphorical frying pan before he did anything about it. He was interested but had no idea that I fancied him and didn't want to appear creepy or create an awkward situation at work.

KitMarlowesCodpiece · 14/10/2019 13:17

If it helps, OP, I consulted my Magic 8 Ball for you and it said 'Looks like yes' 🎱

AlansLeftMoob · 14/10/2019 16:59

My own DH doesn't even remember my birthday a week in advance.

Is he married OP? This has been asked a few times. Apologies if I've missed it. If not, fuck rules, you only live once, ask him if he fancies a drink after work.

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 19:40

He’s not married.

I would leave the company if it meant we could date but I can’t just suggest it as it’s way too over the top and puts too much pressure on the new relationship I think.

I think others are right. It probably means nothing that he remembered my birthday and maybe he’s just good with dates.

OP posts:
Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 19:41

Excellent KitMarlowesCodpiece!! 😁

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 14/10/2019 19:53

Send a message to him asking him out and if he replies to say no then pretend the message wasn't for him! Rubbish I know but unless you ask you aren't going to know.

optimisticpessimist01 · 14/10/2019 19:57

Just start dating each other in secret. If it becomes serious then quit. I'm sure your company is not watching you 24/7

gower4 · 14/10/2019 19:59

I don't think there's any evidence to suggest he does. Sorry. Loads of people comment to me when my birthday is coming up, usually because they remember it from the year before/it's the same day as their dad's etc etc

DonnaPaulsenSpecter · 14/10/2019 20:41

You think he fancies you simply because he remembered your birthday?

I don't think there's anything you've said that really suggests he has feelings for you, it all seems just civil and polite.

I imagine because you fancy him you read too much into every single thing and attempt to take it as a sign that it means more than it actually does.

Fi1982 · 14/10/2019 20:43

Cor c’mon OP, ask him if he wants to come for a birthday drink with you! If he says yes, take it from there with a bit of tipsy flirting. If he says no, you’ve lost nothing apart from a lot of wasted time, and you can pretend it was just a friendly invitation.

Bluntness100 · 14/10/2019 22:13

Op, is he your boss?

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 22:20

He was my boss but not currently.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 15/10/2019 16:21

Then put on your warpaint woman, and ask him out for a drink for your birthday! Grin

olivesnutsandcheese · 15/10/2019 16:41

I worked with a guy who surprisingly remembered my birthday. We ended up in a relationship at work but in secret for the first two months. We've been married for 7 years now Grin. I'm sure he does like you OP but you'd have to find out before leaving the company.

PooWillyBumBum · 15/10/2019 16:42

It might be that someone has reminded him (I put work birthdays in my calendar and they am often the one to prompt others 'it's X's birthday next week - shall we all buy a card/gift') or that you're friends on Facebook? Mine shows me the next few days of birthdays at a time.

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