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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there’s a chance he fancies me back?

93 replies

Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 00:42

I’m very attracted to a guy at work but unfortunately relationships are not allowed in my profession. We started working together 18 months ago and it was pretty much lust at first sight from my side! He’s a down to earth, caring, funny guy. We have become really close and there’s a lot of smiling and eye contact but nothing has been spoken of because it’s not allowed.

This time last year it was my birthday coming up and I took the day off work to do my own thing. He was the only colleague who texted me and actually was the first person at all to wish me a happy birthday by text! I got a couple of other birthday texts from a couple of relatives and a couple of friends but that was all. And that’s totally fine because I’m a bit older and don’t really care that much about my birthday. I certainly don’t expect other people to care or remember!

So last week he said to me, “It’s your birthday coming up, the 19th isn’t it?”.

I was impressed and surprised that he had remembered the date.

Can I claim it as evidence that he might like me back too....????? Please!! 😊

So AIBU to think he fancies me because he remembered my birthday?

Yes - he fancies you
No - he doesn’t!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 01:27

He’s the kind of person who likes chatting to people in general but he doesn’t put himself out for anyone he’s not interested in. I was surprised that he remembered the date. He’s quite self-focused in the nicest possible way. He wouldn’t remember another colleague’s birthday in a million years.

OP posts:
Oakandlove · 14/10/2019 01:32

remembering your birthday does not mean he fancies you, he could just subscribe to the Dean Carnegie way of thinking and maybe he does considering you are in a career wormhole where no relationships are allowed and everybody adheres to that. Is is a religious thing? I do think if he wanted a date, he'd have made that clear by now or you wold, life isn't a movie.

ilovesooty · 14/10/2019 01:32

You obviously want to believe it so just believe it if it makes you happy.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 14/10/2019 01:37

I'm really confused on the voting. Yes, you are being unreasonable (to think he fancies you) and No, you are not being unreasonable (to think he fancies you) don't tally with what you put for yes/no.
That aside, I think you two clearly have hit it off and he's spent time thinking about you. Whether he fancies you as lust or for something longer term, or whether he just deeply cares about you as a friend, I'm not sure. But there's clearly more there than casual coworker interaction IMO.
Am I the first poster to actually attempt to answer the question?? Grin Do I get a prize?

Pixxie7 · 14/10/2019 01:38

It sounds like he has feelings for you but it might be completely innocent. Can you meet as friends?

Sobeyondthehills · 14/10/2019 01:41

Have you posted about this before?

doskant · 14/10/2019 01:43

I like how you’re elegantly bringing posters’ attention back to the question you actually asked, OP!

It does sound like there might be feelings there. In my experience any time I’ve felt the electricity in the air you refer to the feeling was mutual. If I didn’t I knew I was barking up the wrong tree. Then again, it’s impossible to know for sure without having the conversation.

If it were me I would stay friendly and professional with him until he makes his interest crystal clear. Or one of you leaves the job. You might find your feelings fizzle, or he’s a serial flirter, or it was just the thrill of the forbidden.

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 01:44

No I haven’t posted about him before.

OP posts:
100PercentThatBitch · 14/10/2019 01:47

I think what you need to invest in is a Magic 8 Ball OP Grin

Mistlewoeandwhine · 14/10/2019 01:47

Are you allowed to go for a drink with him as friends’?

kateandme · 14/10/2019 01:51

i think this is dangerous either way.your clearly like him from how you talk and i dont doub tthat is showing in how you are with him.and if he is indeed feeling it bac you will be leading eachother on and so has big pitfalls coming if this isnt allowed.

Stuckinarut81 · 14/10/2019 01:54

With the greatest of respect OP, how the fuck are we supposed to know if he fancies you? He may just have a good memory. If it is an intelligence type job as suggested, then a good memory is probably a pre-requisite.

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 02:06

Sorry if I misled. He’s not a spy!

OP posts:
Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 02:07

Are you allowed to go for a drink with him as friends’?
Yes I think so.

OP posts:
Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 02:14

I think what you need to invest in is a Magic 8 Ball OP
That made me laugh!!

OP posts:
PandaTurtle · 14/10/2019 02:15

Yes he fancies you, wants to marry you and for you to have his children Grin

Would say he fancies you.

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 02:17

Thanks Panda! 😁

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 14/10/2019 02:40

Not sure I get the point of this OP- if anyone queries the logic of it then you don't want to know Confused. To answer your question - no it doesn't mean he fancies you, though he separately might.

On another separate note what is the point if it's going nowhere? I think it's a huge mistake to think you are 'close' to someone who is only a colleague bar a few messages out of work. People behave very differently at work than they do in their real life. To say he knows you better than anyone is odd, unless you have no other friends and family outside of work?

It seems like you've fantasised about him and this to the extent you've romanticized it in the extreme. You need to spend time out of work together and a lot of it, actually be open and intimate before you can begin to gauge whether anything legitimate exists - at the moment nobody is 'close' enough to even have an adult chat about whether you have feelings you'd like to explore.

Creepster · 14/10/2019 02:47

bacon makes a good point. Don't waste your time yearning after what can never be.
Also if you can't tell if he fancies you or not, you really aren't very close, are you?

Time40 · 14/10/2019 02:58

I think if he fancies you he would have made a move by now, because that's what men usually do. But I suppose it could depend what this mysterious job is, and how serious the no relationships rule is.

I have to know what your job is, OP. It's going to drive me potty otherwise!

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 07:53

Also if you can't tell if he fancies you or not, you really aren't very close, are you?
I’m 75% sure he does but not 100%. Perhaps that’s because he doesn’t or because of my own insecurities and fears.

OP posts:
Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 07:54

He’s a rule follower so won’t make a pass if it’s deemed inappropriate which at my work it would be.

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 14/10/2019 08:10

How would anyone at work know if you went out after work as friends or more if you keep it under wraps at work.

He may well fancy you, hard to say, some guys at work are very attentive and friendly as it makes the day go quicker, but doesn’t mean it’s in a romantic way.

Original poster
Matilda1983 · 14/10/2019 08:15

We could do that JustDanceAddict but we would be going against the work policy and we would know. I think the only way is if one of us left.

OP posts:
cittigirl · 14/10/2019 08:25

I can't see how work can dictate what you do in your private life. Life is too short.

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