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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner off on his jolly.....

127 replies

4ormore · 13/10/2019 21:25

So Saturday my partner left for his 4 week away this year fishing..
leaving myself alone with our 4 children.
Aibu to be annoyed, we run our own business so work/life is stressful for him.
I just feel pisses off really, the kids miss him, I miss him, I just don’t like it.

OP posts:
Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 23:24

I think that’s a good idea x

OP posts:
readingismycardio · 14/10/2019 05:23

I'm not sure how men get away with this kind of stuff. So basically he's away 1 month out of 12. So you don't have any holidays together or with the children?

Shoxfordian · 14/10/2019 05:37

Doesn't seem like he's being very fair to you. He needs to realise he has responsibilities and shouldn't be off on holiday whenever he feels like it

Sweetpea55 · 14/10/2019 06:18

I think I'd be buggering off and leaving him. Selfish fucket

SerafinaPekkalasbroomstick · 14/10/2019 06:26

When I was a child my dad took holidays for his hobby without us every year. Could be 1 week, could be 3. He also went away multiple weekends. He worked long hours in the city and didn't do any childcare. My mum put up with it and said she actually enjoyed the peace, but there were only us 2 kids and she has the patience of a saint. We all love him but he's a very selfish person, he just doesn't notice others feelings at all. So you're not the only one this happens too.

bigvig · 14/10/2019 07:03

If he is self employed he should be trying to organise his work so he can take some time off in the year during the school holidays so you can all have a break. A long weekend a month is already generous of you. I would give him an ultimatum either he gets a week holiday once a year or occasional long weekends. Don't promise one a month as things come up. Explain that the present situation is unfair on you and the children.

Mephisto · 14/10/2019 07:42

This man does fuck all in the house or the kids, is too busy at work to look after the kids for OP to take a break but has the time to take 4 x fishing trips a year on his own, and yet posters are telling OP he's not the problem?!

I'm guessing he also controls the money?

NearlyGranny · 14/10/2019 07:43

The key question here is how much family holiday time you actually get as a family together, even if you don't do exotic travel. Even if it's the two younger DC (his, after all) when the older ones are with their DF and his family.

He needs to put this commitment FIRST in his time slots, otherwise, where is family in his priorities?

And if you've agreed one long weekend pcm child-free for him, you need the same. I would suggest a quarterly long weekend away just for the two of you to sustain and nourish your relationship.

He seems to see you nanny/housekeeper rather than wife, tbh.

NearlyGranny · 14/10/2019 07:44

The quarterly one to come out of both allowances, I mean, so you each get 12 weekends but spend four of them together.

MNHQ
JoanneMumsnet · 14/10/2019 12:22

Just stopping by with a link to our Talk Guidelines and a reminder that we don't allow troll hunting.

We've already deleted a number of posts that broke our site rules. If you have any suspicions, please just report them to us so we can check things out behind the scenes. Obviously we can never completely vouch for anyone on the site, but we've no reason to think the OP isn't genuine and we're sure she'd appreciate it if her thread could get back on track.

Many thanks.

Original poster
4ormore · 14/10/2019 14:23

Thanks everyone for your input.
I won’t say anything until he’s back, don’t want to get accused of ruining his holiday.
Think I have to be tactical to not sound like a bitter person.
But also make him understand it’s taking the piss.
I think I need to assess why he thinks this is acceptable, and why I just put up with it to avoid a argument.
I have zero expectations of him, as a parent and as a partner as I’ve been made to believe my expectations are to high.
I don’t think there’s anything I like about him anymore, and I’m definitely not in love with him.
But that’s a whole other thread,
Do we end up just loving the person we are with, and not actually being in love with them,
Am I hoping for the idyllic life that doesn’t exists, where family is number 1 and everything else comes after, am I wrong for wanting that.
Do i under value myself to the point where I’m don’t even know or care what my needs are as long as everyone else is happy.
The long and short of it is, I don’t feel important to him, I don’t matter, and I’m not sure I want to feel that way anymore xx

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 14/10/2019 17:12

So you’re not sure if you like him, claim to not love him but “miss” him after 7 days...
You’re missing a fantasy.
You need to work on your self esteem and identity.

Parky04 · 14/10/2019 17:26

He has a great life! He leads a life as though he is single! His behaviour is totally unacceptable. I would give him an ultimatum but you may not like the answer!

Original poster
4ormore · 14/10/2019 17:47

@fallfallfall did I say I miss him?

OP posts:
Original poster
4ormore · 14/10/2019 17:48

@fallfallfall I think you need to work of yourself full stop you seem very bitter, have you been hurt in the past?

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 14/10/2019 17:55

Opening post last paragraph you say you miss him.
Anyway I really believe that being that clingy that you miss someone when they’re gone for 7 days (even if four times a year) is a sign that you’re not in a good place personally.
And from subsequent posts you clearly are not. And going forward working on your own happiness and inner peace would probably do you good.
Eventually your little ones and older lot will move away, will you be beside yourself and unhappy then?

Original poster
4ormore · 14/10/2019 18:02

I think you are missing the point.
I am not pining for him, I don’t know where you get clingy from, I think your thought process is quite warped, I’m pissed off at his selfishness. That I’m left running a house, business, and caring for 4 children while he swans off, without the regard to even check in.
I’m a very content person with my life, but not content with fact it seems my partner and I are on different levels.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 14/10/2019 18:03

I think the kids are clingy and missing him which is perfectly normal
OP do you want to be with him?

Original poster
4ormore · 14/10/2019 18:06

Right now I’m not sure, I’m trying to work out what he brings to our relationship

OP posts:
flumposie · 14/10/2019 18:13

sounds like he doesn't bring much to the relationship. He's selfish.

Queenoftheashes · 14/10/2019 19:39

Eavelay hetay astardbay

toria6118 · 14/10/2019 20:19

Urgh. Fishermen.... used to grind on me a bit. Especially when it’s literally every weekend without fail.... every storage area in our house full of fishing crap. Bait kept in the fridge. Then partner got sick, hasn’t been fishing for 3 years. Starts on meds, starts feeling better, states that he’s going to start going fishing again... great. Fantastic. Meanwhile I’m cracking up as I would quite like a couple of days off when I can do as I please. Your oh is extremely selfish. I’m tempted to make a large bonfire this year, with his rods as kindling

GeneHuntLover · 14/10/2019 20:28

So the poor love works 6 days per week, the OP doesn't get a day off never mind a week or 4

Original poster
4ormore · 14/10/2019 21:18

@toria6118 finally a fishing widow!
So does you dp take a week at a time.
The compromise was a long weekend a month.
But obviously that’s not enough!
It’s the selfishness that I don’t like.

OP posts:
toria6118 · 14/10/2019 21:51

He used to take pretty much every weekend of the year, a few midweek trips a couple of times a month. Then there were the matches, becoming secretary of our local fishing club. Then there was the week in France... but it did seem to be an excessive amount of time.

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