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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner off on his jolly.....

127 replies

4ormore · 13/10/2019 21:25

So Saturday my partner left for his 4 week away this year fishing..
leaving myself alone with our 4 children.
Aibu to be annoyed, we run our own business so work/life is stressful for him.
I just feel pisses off really, the kids miss him, I miss him, I just don’t like it.

OP posts:
MumInAMuddyPuddle · 13/10/2019 21:45

You're not painting him any colour! You're stating facts, aren't you?

Is he usually at work, meaning absent from home?

Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 21:46

He’s not a drinker, so he not a regular, pop to the pub for a pint type.

So am I being unfair to not let him have these breaks,

I’d love him to take his time of to spend time with us, is that unreasonable

OP posts:
Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 21:47

Yes he works 6 days a week.

OP posts:
MumInAMuddyPuddle · 13/10/2019 21:49

He can have a day off and YOU can have a day off. But not off for a week. He has 4 kids and you said a business. He doesn't get to fuck off for days on end. So how do you have a business he isnt taking care of?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/10/2019 21:50

I can never understand it when people say "Do the same thing yourself." It's kind of a 'you'll only need to do it once' scenario.

OP has said he gets angry if she questions him, that he does bugger all around the house and uses all of his holiday time on his fishing. So how the fuck else is she going to impress upon him the sheer unreasonableness of his actions?

@4ormore how did you come to feel YOU were being unfair to object to unplanned, unilaterally decided, multiple abandonments?

PoshNachosButJustDoritos · 13/10/2019 21:51

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Agitetur · 13/10/2019 21:52

Is it the unplanned and short term notice of the the breaks that annoy you
If he were to plan,discuss and involve you would that feel better?
Presumably you acknowledge he works hard,wants a break but you just don’t want to feel dumped on

Chunkers · 13/10/2019 21:53

I think one week away would be fine, but 4? No.

PoshNachosButJustDoritos · 13/10/2019 21:53

OP how old are you pls?

Ellisandra · 13/10/2019 21:56

Did you have quads and that’s why you managed to have 4 kids before you realised he was a selfish arse?!!

Working 6 days a week is tough, I wouldn’t begrudge him some weekend breaks away. It’s great to recharge away from work AND family sometimes. Especially when you have 4 young children, when taking a break with them can be more crowd control than fun at times! But 4 separate trips of a week each?!!! Taking the piss. Utterly.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 13/10/2019 21:58

No OP other people's husband's do not do this.

DH goes about 3 times a year for a day doing a hobby with his friends. I give him grief for it Grin

He would never ever use whole slugs of annual leave to go off for a week. We go on holiday as a family and we all enjoy it.

FaithInfinity · 13/10/2019 22:00

Do other people’s husbands do this, need breaks more then us? IIRC in the last rolling year DH has had a 4 day weekend away and I had a 3 day weekend (separately). But neither of us told each other, we both asked the other if we had anything on that weekend and agreed it before anything was booked.

I don’t think you’re ‘painting him black’. I think you’re recognising him for who he really is. He doesn’t care about your feelings. It sounds like he thinks he’s the ‘man of the house’, his job is to work and do nothing else, you’re the wife so you should work (but I bet your job isn’t as important or as stressful as his, right?) and sort out the house and kids. Have a serious think about what you want...he’s not going to change (no incentive). Is this what you want for the rest of your life?

inwood · 13/10/2019 22:01

Book your own jolly. Or leave.

Newmumma83 · 13/10/2019 22:02

Is there a reason he can’t work from home like you if you have a couple of days away?

How come he can have 4 weeks holiday for himself but not look after his wife or his family for one or two days?

Its unfair because his expectations are uneven ... you are also worth a break no? Also it’s the fact you don’t get a say or at least to voice your opinion... my dad never went away when I was a kid for a holiday for him my husband hasn’t yet with our 10 month old infact he has had 3 nights out and highly encourages me to do the same
He works 5 days a week but his job doesn’t always mean 9-5

whats good for the goose is good for the gander

Also I get needing an evening away but a week 4 times this year ... does he not want This time with his family

Ellisandra · 13/10/2019 22:03

Fuck me. I searched to see the age of your kids. So I get that you didn’t have 4 to a selfish man, 2 aren’t his. But as I was looking for the ages, I saw that on top of 4 weeks away - including 8 days at half term, so he’s also away when the kids need to be entertained off school - he ALSO goes fishing all day every Wed/Thu, with Wed night away and back late on Thu.

So he doesn’t work 6 days a week at all, and these are needed breaks from work. Not many people on here get 2 days straight and a nice night away to relax every single bloody week!!!!

He’s a totally selfish arsehole. But I don’t think you’re ready to hear it, because this is only half the story.

I take back completely my previous reply that some weekends (not weeks) away are reasonable when you work 6 days a week. That’s not what is happening here, is it?

Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 22:03

A troll, god does it sound that bad.
I am 30, we have been together for 7 years,
Older two children are from my previous, and we have two together, youngest is 2, and the trips started this year.
Last was one trip away, for a week, which I gave him shit for as it was only 3 weeks after my Nan passed away.
But this year it’s been very frequent,

OP posts:
Elieza · 13/10/2019 22:03

So do the kids get a family holiday or is he too busy taking fishing breaks and has no leave left to go away with you and them for a break?

PoshNachosButJustDoritos · 13/10/2019 22:04

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Ellisandra · 13/10/2019 22:05

Usually I roll my eyes at the first person on a thread to go over dramatic and say “are you sure he’s fishing?”. But you know... an overnight EVERY week? More like plenty of fishing Sad

OP - affair or fishing, his behaviour is appalling.

PoshNachosButJustDoritos · 13/10/2019 22:08

X posted with you. Just saw your update, okay maybe not a troll then.

jumbojelly · 13/10/2019 22:08

Yeah if this was real i would say LTB. No one seriously would put up with this.

Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 22:08

Haha haha

OP posts:
Original poster
4ormore · 13/10/2019 22:09

@jumbojelly
I literally am a mug,
But I feel like I need clarification that this isn’t right,
And I’m not being dramatic

OP posts:
Runkle · 13/10/2019 22:10

Have you seen the film Brokeback Mountain?

Tottie · 13/10/2019 22:10

How old are your dc? Does he spend anytime with you, as part of the family?

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